Post by Kenzi Grey on Sept 28, 2016 3:16:21 GMT -5
OOC: The thoughts of Kenzi Grey from her personal diary (this is only her inner musings and is completely off-camera):
So…I guess I’m a solo act again…
I had been so happy when Parker volunteered to go to China with me to help clear up the mess with Jelly Mac. I had been scared out of my mind over not knowing what was going to happen to me over there, but Parker’s presence would have made it okay. When he pulled out on me, I have to admit…it irritated me a bit, but I understood…he said he had other commitments...
...the funeral of his ex-girlfriend's father...and whatever else came with that I suppose...
I’ll probably catch flak from my friends for just accepting that…but he and I both knew what this was going in. We were two emotionally damaged people looking for common ground. He wanted someone who would only be his and I wanted someone who would give me attention, but not demand too much of me...
…maybe in the end, neither of us got what we thought we wanted from the other person. He couldn’t continue to give me attention so long as I couldn’t muster the words ‘I love you…’
When I came back from China, he wasn’t around and I couldn’t reach him. I kinda knew when he left me at the airport that things were pretty much over. I tried to feel bad...sad...mad...but I'm a broken mess inside. I feel something...I just have no idea what it is or how to react to it.
He sent me a text tonight to let me know he wanted to take a break…and I get it. It was fun while it lasted. He was funny and attentive…he let me be me for as long as he could, but in the end, I still managed to screw that up as well…
…maybe Ma was right when she told me that I needed someone who was my opposite…someone with a strong enough personality to tell me ‘No’ and not put up with my bullshit…
P.S. I wonder of Colin is willing to take me back?
So…I guess I’m a solo act again…
I had been so happy when Parker volunteered to go to China with me to help clear up the mess with Jelly Mac. I had been scared out of my mind over not knowing what was going to happen to me over there, but Parker’s presence would have made it okay. When he pulled out on me, I have to admit…it irritated me a bit, but I understood…he said he had other commitments...
...the funeral of his ex-girlfriend's father...and whatever else came with that I suppose...
I’ll probably catch flak from my friends for just accepting that…but he and I both knew what this was going in. We were two emotionally damaged people looking for common ground. He wanted someone who would only be his and I wanted someone who would give me attention, but not demand too much of me...
…maybe in the end, neither of us got what we thought we wanted from the other person. He couldn’t continue to give me attention so long as I couldn’t muster the words ‘I love you…’
When I came back from China, he wasn’t around and I couldn’t reach him. I kinda knew when he left me at the airport that things were pretty much over. I tried to feel bad...sad...mad...but I'm a broken mess inside. I feel something...I just have no idea what it is or how to react to it.
He sent me a text tonight to let me know he wanted to take a break…and I get it. It was fun while it lasted. He was funny and attentive…he let me be me for as long as he could, but in the end, I still managed to screw that up as well…
…maybe Ma was right when she told me that I needed someone who was my opposite…someone with a strong enough personality to tell me ‘No’ and not put up with my bullshit…
P.S. I wonder of Colin is willing to take me back?