Post by Kenzi Grey on Apr 23, 2017 20:44:48 GMT -5
Anyone who knows me...I mean...REALLY KNOWS ME...knows that I am a bit of a social butterfly! I love meeting people and talking to new people, trying to connect with them in anyway that I can. One of these new people was Candie Treasure from Wild Side Wrestling. I encountered Candie on Twitter and we just started talking. I was enamored with her positivity and I was amazed by the wrestling connection that we shared. About a year and a half ago I had gotten into a bit of a heated exchange with her current girlfriend over an attack on my former fiancé in Ladies All-Star Wrestling. That beef had come close to getting physical, but in the end, cooler head prevailed and everything was forgotten. I found that history so interesting because Candie was nothing like her girlfriend had once been, she was filled with positivity and sunshine!
I can't tell a lie...I was seriously intrigued by how happy she was...especially since Sarah and I were one day from her father's funeral. Seeing how happy Candie was got me thinking that maybe if I introduced Sarah to her, a bit of that sunshine might just rub off on her...
TEXT MESSAGES
20 April 2017
Kenzi Grey: Candie, I want you to meet someone! Hey Sarah this is Candie! My super sweet new friend!
Candie Treasure: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Kenzi Grey: Candie is helping me be a nicer person!
Candie Treasure: I do my very bestest!
Sarah Lacklan: Um....no? You are perfect the way you are
Candie Treasure: What's wrong with wanting to be nicer, though?!
Sarah Lacklan: Um...because we are busy setting the goddamn world on fire?
Candie Treasure: You don't have to use bad words!
Sarah Lacklan: The fuck?!
Candie Treasure: You don't have to use bad words to express yourself!
Sarah Lacklan: Have to? No. Choose to? Mayhap.
Candie Treasure: But why?!
Sarah Lacklan: Because with my perfect diction and Londoner accent they sound outright obscene. Wonderful effect.
Candie Treasure: I don't think I ever said a bad word, ever!
And right then and there I decided that if not saying bad words could help make me a happy go lucky person like Candie, I owed to myself to give it a try! Here I was about to start in a brand new company, why not try being a brand new me? I quit cursing, then and there, cold turkey! No more swear words for this girl.
The act of having all that smut out of my mouth made me feel 1000% better already, and I was so eager to share my revelation with the world...well...my world at least...Sarah Selena Lacklan...
Kenzi Grey: I just quit cursing!
Sarah Lacklan: Would you like to make a wager on you relapsing in the very near future?
Kenzi Grey: Only if you curtail your potty mouth as well! Loser wears the winner’s ring gear at the next live event!
Sarah Lacklan: Wait…so if I am able to get you swearing like a sailor on the seas then I must also stop expressing myself with colorful language?
Kenzi Grey: Whomever gives in first
I had be horrified when Sarah had started cursing around Candie, but now that we were curse-free, I was eager to show off my shiny new girlfriend to my new friend. Just as I thought, Candie was filled with nothing but positivity...
Kenzi Grey: Candie! Thank you! Now Sar and I will no longer use salty language through the weekend!
Candie Treasure: YAY! You guys can do it!
I commended Sarah for choosing to stop her cursing...even though I should have known that for her, this was not as much a lifestyle change as it was an opportunity for her to find a way to get me cursing. Little did I know she would enlist the help of my friend and my very first opponent in Fucking Awesome Wrestling, Cass Baumer...
Sarah Lacklan: If Cassandra wins me this bet I will kiss her
Cass Baumer: Do not kiss me.
Sarah Lacklan: Win me that bet…
Oh come on! Freakin’ help me out here!
Oh come on! Freakin’ help me out here!
Cass Baumer: I’m just trying to figure out what this bet is!
Sarah Lacklan: whoever swears first loses
Cass Baumer: I’m so fu—frickin’ scared to say a word now.
Sarah Lacklan: …get her to swear…
Cass Baumer: Okay, okay
And so, the wheels were set in motion; an unholy alliance between the love of my life and my friend, co-star, and first FAW opponent for forged. In truth, I never stood a chance...
Cass Baumer: Kenzi Grey I'm thinking of a word that begins with F and ends with CK. What is it?
Kenzi Grey: Flick?
Cass Baumer: Nope. Keep trying.
I’ll give you a bigger hint:
What starts with F and ends in U C K?
I’ll give you a bigger hint:
What starts with F and ends in U C K?
Kenzi Grey: I have no idea!
Cass Baumer: Fire Truck!
Kenzi Grey: That’s two words
You sure? Hummmm....
You sure? Hummmm....
Cass Baumer: Positive.
Kenzi Grey: DANG!!! That was so fucking easy! 😒
CHECKMATE! My friend threw me under the bus...
Cass Baumer: QUOTE TO SARAH LACKLAN
Kenzi Grey: DANG!!! That was so fucking easy! 😒]
Kenzi Grey: Tattletale
Cass Baumer: A bet is a bet!
Kenzi Grey: Friendship OVER! Obviously you only wanted to kiss Sarah!
Sarah Lacklan: Apparently I now owe Cassandra some tongue
Cass Baumer: Wait. What?! I thought the loser got that punishment.
I just didn’t wanna lose the bet! I’m not going to accept the ‘reward’.
I just didn’t wanna lose the bet! I’m not going to accept the ‘reward’.
Kenzi Grey: YOU KISS MY GIRLFRIEND AND LIKE IT!!!
Well, that was it...wasn't it? My time as a vessel for positivity was over and it was all Cass Baumer's fault...and now she had to make out with my girlfriend! That dirty rotten BITCH!
LOL Of course, there was also the possibility that Sarah and I were having a bit of fun at her expense...
We would all find out eventually...once it was time for Cass to claim her supposedly unwanted 'reward.'
LACKLANLAND MANOR
Lacklanland, Maine
20 April 2017
The night before Jean Paul Lacklan was to be buried was a solemn one for Kenzi and Sarah. The two had never been apart since solidifying their union, and this tragedy wasn't going to change that. However, what had changed was the intensity of their intimacy with one another. Out of respect for one another's grief, the two women had curtailed their usual sexual antics and confined themselves to handholding and the occasional stolen kiss. While this was difficult for the two...there was another dark undercurrent which had been festering between them.
The time for secrets was now long pass and it was time to bring the dark things into the light if they were going to continue on as a couple.
The two walked the halls, hand in hand, thoughts finally turning to one another as the hour they finally laid Sarah's father to rest neared...
"You know this has been the hardest week of my life, for...many reasons...right? Hardly a moment goes by that I don't struggle with the desire to take you where you stand!"
Kenzi sighed, the feeling was mutual. Back in their Hollywood apartment, their days had been filled with all manner of diversions which involved one another. This had been a test of wills, one they had both passed, but only just barely.
"I know, baby. I know. I appreciate your patience. I honestly do not know what I would have done the past few days without you."
Kenzi paused as she took a deep breath. Now was as good a time as any to bring up the thing she had been struggling with for weeks...the last secret she had held from Sarah...the one thing that she thought would give Sarah every reason to leave her.
"Sar...we...haven't really talked about...all of my...issues. I guess I thought that if they weren't a problem, then they weren't ever going to be a problem."
Sarah stopped, looking at Kenzi with a bit of concern now coloring her alabaster cheeks.
"Would you like to talk?"
Kenzi held her breath, then nodded.
"...and more, but talking will do. Let me compose my thoughts..."
She had no idea how this would be received, but she knew that she had to be honest about her feelings. Kenzi rifles through the saved files on her phone until she finds her progress report from her mental health evaluation from last year. She hands it to Sarah.
"This is the report from my doctor on my Borderline Personality Disorder. I...I haven't had a major incident in months...but...maybe...this has played a small part in...things. How I cling to you...how I become so jealous one moment and so carefree the next..."
DIAGNOSIS:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a condition characterized by difficulties in regulating emotion. This difficulty leads to severe, unstable mood swings, impulsivity and instability, poor self-image and stormy personal relationships. People may make repeated attempts to avoid real or imagined situations of abandonment. The combined result of living with BPD can manifest into destructive behavior, such as self-harm (cutting) or suicide attempts.
SYMPTOMS:
People with BPD experience wide mood swings and can display a great sense of instability and insecurity. Signs and symptoms may include:
• Frantic efforts to avoid being abandoned by friends and family.
• Unstable personal relationships that alternate between idealization—“I’m so in love!”—and devaluation—“I hate her.” This is also sometimes known as "splitting."
• Distorted and unstable self-image, which affects moods, values, opinions, goals and relationships.
• Impulsive behaviors that can have dangerous outcomes, such as excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse or reckless driving.
• Suicidal and self-harming behavior.
• Periods of intense depressed mood, irritability or anxiety lasting a few hours to a few days.
• Chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness.
• Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable anger—often followed by shame and guilt.
• Dissociative feelings—disconnecting from your thoughts or sense of identity, or “out of body” type of feelings—and stress-related paranoid thoughts. Severe cases of stress can also lead to brief psychotic episodes.
Sarah hands back the phone. She pauses, licking her lips.
“How do you feel?”
"When I'm with you...I feel perfect..."
She pauses, looking away.
"...mostly..."
Sarah reaches over to take her hand.
“Go on. TruthZone.”
Kenzi didn't want to try to explain too much, not because she was trying to hide things from Sarah, but she just didn't understand everything that was going on inside her head.
"Sometimes...I still feel like you'll leave me. I feel it mostly when we are apart...and sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night..."
She shrugged.
"...it's stupid...but, I'm trying my best to get past it. I know you joke about being bored...or sometimes you flirt with other people. Like the stuff with Cass, but I know that was all in fun, which is why I joined in. Still, that is hard for me...but...you always tell me that you love me, and that makes a world of difference...especially after we make love...I could live like that forever...but, it's not possible"
Sarah’s heart races as her anxiety spikes. ' ...breathe...'
"Is there more?"
Kenzi hugs her, happy that she has listened and not bolted for the door crying like a child with a broken toy, as she often likened herself to.
"...no baby, you always reel me back in before I get too crazy. I wasn't going to say anything...but...I never want any secrets between us..."
Sarah holds her tight.
“I apologize for the flirting. I do not even mean to, it just...happens. I will try to stop.”
She pushes her to arm’s length to look in her eyes.
“I love you, Mackenzie Michaela Grey. I am never letting you go. We are mines.”
She wipes her face, shaking her head.
"I don't want you to stop being who you are. I fell in love with that flirty girl. My problems are my own to get through. I'll be seeing my doctor again when I get back to LA. I...I just wanted you to know what you've gotten yourself in to..."
Sarah smirks, red eyes traveling down and back up Kenzi’s body.
“I am quite aware what I have gotten myself...into…”
She lets a giggle escape.
“Would you like me to accompany you? I understand if you would not, however. I have had my fair share of...sessions.”
Kenzi strokes the side of Sarah's face, but she pulls her hand away as the smoldering ember roars into a flame. She dared not tempt fate if she could get through one more night of abstinence. She holds her own hand instead.
"I want you there...I always want you with me. I...I suppose that's my problem."
Sarah winks.
"Sounds like a wonderful problem to have, to me."
She lets her tone turn serious.
"I understand. I told you before that you are my drug, and I your addict. There are times I wish we could fly away from this world together. Silly, I know, but there it is."
This touches Kenzi deeply; more so than Sarah can possibly know.
"When we are...together...the world falls away and I feel like we are the only ones here. Well...except when we fuck on the balcony. That's kinda weird and pervy because there are people everywhere."
Sarah’s eyes light up.
“Totes need to do that again!”
Sarah’s cheeks redden.
“God….the things you make me feel…”
"I feel like...you've unlocked a part of me I never knew was there. Not just the sex...that's great...but the part of me that feels like I can almost do anything."
Sarah’s eyes shine brighter.
"It is no jest when I speak of our dreams coming true. Set the world on fire. Together."
Kenzi kisses Sarah, lips lingering a bit too long before she breaks away.
"Time to get dressed! I'll see you very soon! Cocktails at 6:00?"
"I cannot wait."
That final night, Kenzi spent doing her best to distract Sarah from any thoughts of laying her father to rest the next day. They drank, they ate, they danced, and Kenzi sang a song that Sarah had sung to her during her first visit to Lacklanland; "I'll Follow You Into The Dark" It had been a mantra that Sarah had spoken to Kenzi many times...but now it was a mantra that they shared.
Perhaps there would be dark times for the two...perhaps some as dark as tomorrow would be, but they had promised to stand by one another...and in the end, that was all that mattered...