Post by Kenzi Grey on Jan 29, 2018 8:08:23 GMT -5
JANUARY 29, 2018
The flight back to LA from Greenville last night after the strange exchange with Maki in my locker room and my knock down drag out fight with Alicia Lucas following LAW 76 was somber. As soon as the match ended, my thoughts, along with the rest of the Cool Kids all turned to Sativa and Burn. No one was looking forward to this rare gathering of all of us in one place.
I had spent Saturday in a hospital ward filled with terminally ill children and it had affected me. I had been forced to confront death...and it reminded me of the last time I had confronted death, along side Sarah...
I had been there with Sarah after Jean Paul died; I had been there for Sarah, and though she was prepared for it, in the end…she really wasn’t. You’re never prepared to lose anyone from your life…even when you know the end may be near. I am sure that Sarah thought that she had come to terms with reality, but I knew as I stood by her side and held her hand as they lowered his body into the ground…I knew she that she did not expect how it would change her.
…change her, it did, whether she knew it or not…
Sarah rededicated herself to her mission to win a championship; turning all that anger and rage over his loss into fuel to accomplish what she promised him she would do. She did that even in the face of spiteful detractors who sought to make a joke of her father’s passing, all just to wound her and keep her down. Sarah fought through it…but she had me there by her side to help her; not that I wasn’t also affected.
I hadn’t known Jean Paul for a fraction as long as most. He wasn’t yet my father-in-law, but he treated me far better than even my own mother. I often wondered if he thought that he would live, if he would have felt the same way about me. When death comes calling, perspectives twist, turn, and bend. I think that having his blessing at the end probably strengthened my love for Sarah in a way that little else ever could have.
Sativa was deprived of that…deprived of closure and all she has left are the memories of Burn and the tragedy of the violence that took him from her. I can say that I understand what she must be going through after what happened to Sarah, but honestly…it’s not the same. Sarah survived and came back to me…maybe not whole, but she came back all the same. In this way, I cannot imagine how Sativa must feel, so I must muster up the courage to stand beside her and hold her hand today while trying my best not to feel guilty about still having so much when so much has been taken from her. I must find a way to lend her my strength when I know that it will never be enough to keep her from the despair that will overcome her.
Like Sarah, Sativa will have to endure the slings and arrows of those who despise her and seek to use this tragedy to wound her and compensate for their own shortcomings. She will have to find a way to get through that…to use it as fuel to pull herself back up and carry on. I wish that I could hold her hand until she found that courage…but all I can offer her is my own experience and words of encouragement.
The ones we have loved and lost are only truly gone when we stop remembering them and all the joy they brought into our lives. Don’t forget…always remember…love will keep you together.
The flight back to LA from Greenville last night after the strange exchange with Maki in my locker room and my knock down drag out fight with Alicia Lucas following LAW 76 was somber. As soon as the match ended, my thoughts, along with the rest of the Cool Kids all turned to Sativa and Burn. No one was looking forward to this rare gathering of all of us in one place.
I had spent Saturday in a hospital ward filled with terminally ill children and it had affected me. I had been forced to confront death...and it reminded me of the last time I had confronted death, along side Sarah...
I had been there with Sarah after Jean Paul died; I had been there for Sarah, and though she was prepared for it, in the end…she really wasn’t. You’re never prepared to lose anyone from your life…even when you know the end may be near. I am sure that Sarah thought that she had come to terms with reality, but I knew as I stood by her side and held her hand as they lowered his body into the ground…I knew she that she did not expect how it would change her.
…change her, it did, whether she knew it or not…
Sarah rededicated herself to her mission to win a championship; turning all that anger and rage over his loss into fuel to accomplish what she promised him she would do. She did that even in the face of spiteful detractors who sought to make a joke of her father’s passing, all just to wound her and keep her down. Sarah fought through it…but she had me there by her side to help her; not that I wasn’t also affected.
I hadn’t known Jean Paul for a fraction as long as most. He wasn’t yet my father-in-law, but he treated me far better than even my own mother. I often wondered if he thought that he would live, if he would have felt the same way about me. When death comes calling, perspectives twist, turn, and bend. I think that having his blessing at the end probably strengthened my love for Sarah in a way that little else ever could have.
Sativa was deprived of that…deprived of closure and all she has left are the memories of Burn and the tragedy of the violence that took him from her. I can say that I understand what she must be going through after what happened to Sarah, but honestly…it’s not the same. Sarah survived and came back to me…maybe not whole, but she came back all the same. In this way, I cannot imagine how Sativa must feel, so I must muster up the courage to stand beside her and hold her hand today while trying my best not to feel guilty about still having so much when so much has been taken from her. I must find a way to lend her my strength when I know that it will never be enough to keep her from the despair that will overcome her.
Like Sarah, Sativa will have to endure the slings and arrows of those who despise her and seek to use this tragedy to wound her and compensate for their own shortcomings. She will have to find a way to get through that…to use it as fuel to pull herself back up and carry on. I wish that I could hold her hand until she found that courage…but all I can offer her is my own experience and words of encouragement.
The ones we have loved and lost are only truly gone when we stop remembering them and all the joy they brought into our lives. Don’t forget…always remember…love will keep you together.