Post by Kenzi Grey on Aug 27, 2016 5:58:08 GMT -5
OOC: The personal thoughts of Kenzi Grey from her personal diary (this is only her inner musings and is completely off-camera):
I woke up this morning next to this man and I realized that I had put off writing about him…REALLY writing about him way too long. I met Parker months and months ago when he was dating Kate Bass. At the time, I knew they had a strange relationship and I could tell that it was a little off-putting to him as well, but it wasn’t my place to speak on it…so I didn’t. I was his ‘Little Buddy’ and that was okay with me.
A few weeks ago I found out that he and Kate had broken up and he was now with Dazi Miyashita and this news made me SO happy! I didn’t hate Kate, but I knew that Parker wanted someone all to himself and Kate is just not that girl. I think that Dazi and I bonded over this…well…until a few days ago when things got shitty between us again. However, at the time, I felt happy for the both of them because Parker was my friend and I thought he deserved to be happy.
I was only a few days later and I find out that Dazi and Parker are over and she was pretty much stomping his guts out on twitter out in the open…but I guess he just wasn’t ready to give her up. Before I know it…he’s trying to go back to Kate and I tell him that is what started this entire mess in the first place! He was telling me about how bad he was hurting and I was telling him about how I felt and before you know it…we were connecting emotionally and then physically (though I kinda had a girlfriend at the time…but so did he, technically I guess).
Things progressed and now we are kinda like a couple. He’s my first guy…and I can’t get enough of him…because he can’t seem to get enough of me. Despite all this…it doesn’t change who and what I am. I love the attention he shows me. I crave that and he has no problem showing it to me. He wants a girl that is all his…and I can be that for him. There’s really just one problem…and that’s just that I’m not in love with him. That’s not a knock on him…I just don’t think I am capable of loving anyone that deeply anymore. I enjoy Parker and I only want to be with him, physically…I support him…but like I said…I don’t feel things the way other people do.
I think he is starting to suspect this…but I hope that he understands that I truly do belong to him for as long as he wants me. I will do and say all the right things that a girlfriend should…and I will be there for him and I will give him whatever he needs to make him happy…except the one thing that I can’t give anyone…my love,,,because I don’t know where that part of me is anymore.
P.S. I don’t want to hurt him…so I won’t tell him this about me. It’s probably not fair that he can’t have all of me…but he has as much of me as I can give. Maybe that’s enough…
I woke up this morning next to this man and I realized that I had put off writing about him…REALLY writing about him way too long. I met Parker months and months ago when he was dating Kate Bass. At the time, I knew they had a strange relationship and I could tell that it was a little off-putting to him as well, but it wasn’t my place to speak on it…so I didn’t. I was his ‘Little Buddy’ and that was okay with me.
A few weeks ago I found out that he and Kate had broken up and he was now with Dazi Miyashita and this news made me SO happy! I didn’t hate Kate, but I knew that Parker wanted someone all to himself and Kate is just not that girl. I think that Dazi and I bonded over this…well…until a few days ago when things got shitty between us again. However, at the time, I felt happy for the both of them because Parker was my friend and I thought he deserved to be happy.
I was only a few days later and I find out that Dazi and Parker are over and she was pretty much stomping his guts out on twitter out in the open…but I guess he just wasn’t ready to give her up. Before I know it…he’s trying to go back to Kate and I tell him that is what started this entire mess in the first place! He was telling me about how bad he was hurting and I was telling him about how I felt and before you know it…we were connecting emotionally and then physically (though I kinda had a girlfriend at the time…but so did he, technically I guess).
Things progressed and now we are kinda like a couple. He’s my first guy…and I can’t get enough of him…because he can’t seem to get enough of me. Despite all this…it doesn’t change who and what I am. I love the attention he shows me. I crave that and he has no problem showing it to me. He wants a girl that is all his…and I can be that for him. There’s really just one problem…and that’s just that I’m not in love with him. That’s not a knock on him…I just don’t think I am capable of loving anyone that deeply anymore. I enjoy Parker and I only want to be with him, physically…I support him…but like I said…I don’t feel things the way other people do.
I think he is starting to suspect this…but I hope that he understands that I truly do belong to him for as long as he wants me. I will do and say all the right things that a girlfriend should…and I will be there for him and I will give him whatever he needs to make him happy…except the one thing that I can’t give anyone…my love,,,because I don’t know where that part of me is anymore.
P.S. I don’t want to hurt him…so I won’t tell him this about me. It’s probably not fair that he can’t have all of me…but he has as much of me as I can give. Maybe that’s enough…