After learning of Sarah’s deception about her trip to New York City with another woman, Kenzi took to angrily subtweeting from inside the locked bathroom on the set, as her mother attempted to reach her…
Kenzi glanced down at her phone as it chimed in her hand and she frowned, seeing a text message from Sarah. She wanted to ignore it, but she was looking for any chance to salvage things between the two of them...
Sarah Lacklan: Please talk to me.
Kenzi Grey: enjoy your space i'm fine.
Sarah Lacklan: What the hell?! You are going to blow me off and then keep tweeting shit and deleting them?!
Kenzi Grey: sorry im done
Sarah Lacklan: I LOVE you...but GODDAMN.
Kenzi Grey: i said im done I'm sorry
Sarah Lacklan: I'm sorry. I love you and I hope I can make you understand why I am doing what I'm doing.
Kenzi Grey: It doesn't matter. You told me...I didn't like it, and I still don't
Sarah Lacklan: I know. I know that I am asking a lot. What were my mother's last words?
Kenzi Grey: "get out of the bathroom before the Best Boy shits his pants"
Sarah Lacklan: MY mother. Before she died. I have told you what they were.
Kenzi Grey: "don't let her talk like a Londoner...she's from Maine"
Sarah Lacklan: Nevermind.
Kenzi Grey: Enjoy your space
Kenzi grimaced as fired off her final text and folded her arms like a petulant child. It was going to take a while before she was able to talk to Sarah rationally...if she was ever able to again at all...
LACKLANLAND WEST West Hollywood, California July 18, 2017
Kenzi tried her best to get on with her day following the blow up with Sarah, but everything she saw reminded her of the deception. When she saw Sarah’s VLOG where she all but denied that anything was wrong, Kenzi nearly blew a gasket…
Kenzi Grey: I saw you VLog. Don't worry, I won't embarrass you anymore.
Sarah Lacklan: When the FUCK did I say anything about being embarrassed?!
Kenzi Grey: EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY! Why are you still lying?
Sarah Lacklan: Because its NO ONE ELSE'S DAMN BUSINESS. Not Kate', not whoever the FUCK that LAW Informant person is, not goddamn Tolson's.
Kenzi Grey: Finish your trip. I won't blow up your spot with Angie.
LACKLANLAND WEST West Hollywood, California July 18, 2017
Kenzi paced back and forth in their empty bedroom, her temper boiling. She had taken to drinking as she continued to stew over everything that was happening. She was content to just wait for Sarah’s trip to be over, but a news tweet caught her eye and was enough to send her over the edge yet again…
…VIDEO CHAT REQUEST...
Kenzi was drunk as hell and naked as the day she was born as she held her phone, staggering around as she angrily called Sarah. "Hey! What you and that dumb bitch doing?"
"MACKENZIE!" Sarah rushes off to the side so that no one can see her phone. "What are you doing? Sweet Mother, I can smell your breath from here. Please disregard that Baumer Report! The facts are all wrong!"
"I don't care...I want you back...I'll stop smushing you." Kenzi wipes her face, as tears pour down her cheeks and sweat beads her forehead. "IT'S FUCKING HOT!!"
"Damnit, Baby! I'm not GOING ANYWHERE! I will be back home on Thursday! I just...I...I need to do this. I just needed a few hours, a couple days. Please understand." She takes several deep breaths, her eyes tearing. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you! I just..." The phone shakes in her hand.
Kenzi suddenly stiffens and shrugs. "I know...I'll see you then. It's fine. I just need to listen to my mom. She told me what I should do. I am going to do it."
"Please don't hang up on me again!"
“No...I'm sorry." The camera dips down again, giving her a lovey view of half a breast. "I fucked up and made you have to go elsewhere to get what you needed. That's on me. I know that."
Sarah slides down the wall and sits, using one hand to run her hand through her hair. "No...no no no...you...and that future I've talked about...it's what I need. But..." She looks to the side of a moment before looking back, her eyes even more red. "I need to be myself, too. Just like you need to be yourself. I feel like we're...I don't know...losing ourselves. I mean, you used to be this badass actor and I was not giving a single fuck about anyone, and now..." She shakes her head as a tear falls down her cheek. "Beloved, I want to marry you." Her voice breaks for a moment as a second tear falls. "I want to raise children with you, even if we're terrible at it. I want to put that ring on your finger and grow old with you. But..." She sighs. "Are you mad at me right now?"
The camera comes back up to her face, her expression is hot fire. "You tell me you want to marry me, after all this, then ask if I am mad?" She takes a moment, then explodes. "BITCH I AM GODDAMN FURIOUS!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT TO SAY...I want to fucking die right now...you think mad fits it? IT 'DOESN'T!!"
"WELL, IT'S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME!" Angry tears fall down Sarah's face. "FIVE MONTHS together and I have NEVER gotten fire from you until now! How many Articles did I have to break for you to give a shit?!" She hits herself in the forehead. "That's not what I meant. Not exactly. But damnit, Ken, I need you to get mad at me when I fuck up! It seems every time I screw up, you're just willing to let things slide so that nothing ever changes. And that makes me wonder if you really DO love me, if what you have is real. Because I was with someone once who NEVER got mad at me, EVER, and I come to realize it was because he didn't give a shit in the end." She looks away from the camera for a moment. "Am I worth fighting for?"
"You want me to fly out there and beat the fuck out of Vaughn?! I'll fly out there butt ass naked and beat the goddamn breaks off her fucking ass!" Kenzi narrows her eyes. "...you'll be next..."
"It has nothing to do with her! She's just shopping! This is about me, damnit! This is about how I am NOT JUST Kenzi Grey's girlfriend! I am NOT JUST the blonde sex toy that people STILL refer to me as. I am Sarah GODDAMN Lacklan. And that means that I am going to piss people off everywhere I go. And that includes you." She licks her lips. "Are you sure you want me? Are you sure you're willing to follow me into the dark and fight for me?"
Kenzi looks as wounded as she ever has. Her eyes welled with tears. "This is why you lied to me? Because you didn't believe me?" She wiped he face, leaving her cheeks red from the angry swipes. "Wake up every goddamn morning and I make love to you. The first thing on my mind is always you! I tell you the reasons why I love you EVERY FUCKING DAY!! I can't believe you can ask me this!" Hurt turns to anger, "...you're kidding me, right? TELL ME THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE SARAH?!! One moment, I am smothering you, then you are asking me if I REALLY love you?" She shakes the phone, screaming as she nearly hurls it across the room. "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!"
Sarah slams her head against the wall several times. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" She drops her head into her hands. "Why do I burn everything I touch?" She slams her fist into the floor before picking up her phone again to send Kenzi a text…
Sarah Lacklan: 63 W 38th St, New York, NY 10018. Room 1708. Prove it.
Kenzi takes a deep breath, looking at her directly. "Sarah...I heard what you said when we first spoke. Even through the fog of pain and embarrassment I felt...I heard what you said." She looked away, unable to keep staring her in the eye. "I pretended like I didn't hear...like I didn't understand you, but I did. You told me that I was smothering you..." She nearly cries again, but she doesn't. "I'm done smothering you...take your space with who or whatever you need...I love you Selena..." The phone practically falls out of her hand as the call ends.
LACKLANLAND WEST West Hollywood, California July 18, 2017
Kenzi had been up late talking with Amy Jo Smyth about her problems when AJ posed an interesting question that Kenzi felt compelled to put to Sarah...
Kenzi Grey: Do you think I love myself?
Sarah Lacklan: What?
Kenzi Grey: Do you think I love myself?
Sarah Lacklan: Not particularly. But that's my job, anyway.
Kenzi Grey: I love who I am when I am with you. You made me better...you made me into someone I actually liked. But...that was selfish of me. I know that...now. I'm sorry. You deserved better.
Sarah Lacklan: I just need a few hours to do some things that I cannot do with you there. You make me want to drop everything and only focus on you, but I NEED to do some things. I should not have lied. I am sorry. I will be sorry to the day I die for that.
Kenzi Grey: I didn't give you a choice. I shouldn't have held on so tight. I was scared you'd leave...I have always been scared...and then, you left. You left because of me...I won't ever forgive myself.
Sarah Lacklan: Left is a strong word. Went on a small, short journey.
Kenzi Grey: You aren't here. You said you needed space. Those are the words.
Sarah Lacklan: Just for a little bit.
Kenzi Grey: Am I the only one who takes Article 2 seriously? I feel cheap. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like this is all my fault. I feel like...shit! I don't want you to feel bad for doing that you needed to do. I wish you had told me the truth, but it’s over now. Just finish off or whatever.
Sarah Lacklan: I promise to make it up to you.
Kenzi Grey: There is nothing to make up. I'm sorry I spoiled your fun. Don't mind me. Have your fun. You wanted me to talk to Sid...I will talk to her.
Sarah Lacklan: I want you to spend TIME with your mother! That was half the fucking point of me being here! It was her idea as much as mine!
Kenzi Grey: She told you tell me it was for LAW? If she did...I will throw her over the balcony right now, I swear I'll do it!
Sarah Lacklan: No. That was me. All me. But the idea of me getting away and you two getting to spend Mother-Daughter time? Hers. So that you could repair some bridges without me getting in the way. She WANTS to repair those bridges, Beloved!
Kenzi Grey: You see the good in everyone...almost everyone. Sid wants to come between us...and she has, but...I was the one that helped make it easy for her.
Sarah Lacklan: What are you talking about? She wants US as much as we do. She has practically told me that herself!
Kenzi Grey: Okay Sar. I don't want to fight.
Sarah Lacklan: ............
Kenzi Grey: I'm drunk and just want to go to bed. Did you take Pop?
Sarah Lacklan: Of course not. YOU are the LAST.
Kenzi Grey: Just being dum... I love you, bye
Sarah Lacklan: I will NEVER cheat on you! EVER! Do you understand that?!
Kenzi Grey: It's fine. I know.
Sarah Lacklan: I love you. Sleep well.
Kenzi Grey: Not even possible
Sarah Lacklan: Will you call me first thing in the morning? Please? So I can hear your voice?
My Dark Goddess, I love you. And I hope that, if nothing else, that statement rings true. I wish I could help you understand WHY I HAD to be here. I wish I could take away the lie I told to make it come together. I wish I could patch the trust I tore. But I can't. I said things which I did not wholly mean. Things which probably didn't even make sense. And I think that is the crux of why I am here and why I have confused and hurt you and us: You are smothering me. And I want you to smother me. See how that doesn't make sense? It doesn't even make sense to me! It's like how I want you to make sweet love to me AND beat my ass. Or how I want you to pledge yourself to me AND be your own person. You are the light of my life. I never planned on you, or anyone, being that, but you are. I crave your voice and touch with every moment...yet hate myself for it at the same time, because I have a job to do, a revolution to lead. I know that doesn't make sense. I wish it did. I love you, Ken. And I want you to love all of me. And that means being angry at me when you need to. It means loving me when you need to. It means holding me tight...yet also letting me go. I wish that made sense. I am going to do things that people will not always like. I am going to fight battles that I cannot always win. And you are going to get hurt by some of my actions. I hate that this has already happened, and hate that it will in the future. I wish to God I had not lied to you. I wish to God that I had not broken an Article. I pray to God that you can forgive me. I pray to God that you are still wearing our ring. I will understand if you do not want to talk. But I pray to God you do. I love you, Mackenzie. -Your Porcelain Princess
LACKLANLAND WEST West Hollywood, California July 19, 2017
Sarah Lacklan: Take her to the event with you? So she's not alone?
Kenzi Grey: Not my first choice for a date, but...fine.
Sarah Lacklan: Thank you.
Kenzi Grey: Sarah. Can I ask a question? No deep meaning behind it. What's going to happen tomorrow...to us?
Sarah Lacklan: I pray to God before I open the door to our apartment that you are still there.
Kenzi Grey: Okay
Sarah Lacklan: And you let me take you out for your birthday like we planned.
Kenzi Grey: Can we just talk? I don't care about my birthday
Sarah Lacklan: We have all day to talk. But your birthday dinner is important to me. Please.
Kenzi Grey: Okay
Sarah Lacklan: Thank you.
…INCOMING VIDEO MESSAGE...
Sarah sits nude in what is no doubt a restrooom. Her hair is damp and pulled up onto a bun, exposing her high cheekbones, not an ounce of her usual makeup to be seen. She is stripped and scrubbed clean, bare, the purest form of Kenzi's Selena. "I know you want me to stop apologizing. But I won't. I can't. I owe you..." She looks away for a moment. "You have my heart, Beloved. But you...you do not have..my honor." She shakes her head. "I lied to you. I should have talked to you, to your face. But I didn't. I had hoped...I don't even know what I hoped." She shrugs as she wipes away a tear that wanted to fall. "I feel like we are losing ourselves. Losing who we are. And I wish to God I had had the balls to say that in the first place. And I am sorry that I did not. So I will continue to apologize. I will continue to fight for your forgiveness. I will continue until I prove my honor again." She swallows and nods to herself. "I love you, Mackenzie." …END OF VIDEO MESSAGE...
Kenzi watches the video message three times before she finally sighs and looks down at the tiny bunny that is Sarah's gift, all done up for the big event tonight. She picks up the tiny rabbit and rubs their noses together. "What do you think? Should we call her back?" They wiggled against each other and finally she nods, and puts the bunny down. "You're right Hasenpfeffer, let her stew for a while longer."
TCL CHINESE THEATRE Hollywood, California July 19, 2017
Kenzi Grey: Do you need a ride tomorrow?
Sarah Selena Lacklan: I have arrangements. But I would love to see you. Plane lands at 5 AM. But I will understand if you sleep in late due to the premiere ☺
Kenzi Grey: Okay...I understand. I saw Sid set you guys up for some kind of club. What's that all about? It seemed...dirty.
Sarah Selena Lacklan: I have no idea. Probably about pushing the Renati line. I haven't heard from her, though.
Kenzi Grey: Oh, okay. So...we will just talk tomorrow or did you have time? I understand if you are busy with the time difference.
Sarah Selena Lacklan: I am yours at all times no matter what. And yes I know how crazy that sounds considering. Sorry I'm crazy 😟
Kenzi Grey: I don't want you to tell me that you are sorry anymore. I want you to tell me the truth with no more tears. Be angry if you like...but I need to hear the truth about how I am smothering you. I can't be with you if I don't know what I've done...you'll just leave again and I couldn't take that a second time. The only reason I haven't run away is because I hope that we can salvage what I have broken.
Sarah Selena Lacklan: I feel like we have become such a close couple that we are losing our individuality. I love YOU. I love how passionate you are about your acting career. I love how easily you make friends and seamlessly sail the dangerous waters of social politics. But for the last weeks, you haven't done any of that. And I KNOW that it is partly because of my need to fight the world. And I am DESPERATELY worried that you and your individuality will get consumed by my fire.
I LOVE that you love me. I LOVE that you support me and share a vision of the future. But I NEED us to be Kenzie and Sarah as much as my Beloved and your Selena.
Does that make sense at all? I can barely make any sense of it, myself.
Kenzi Grey: ...and this is part of that? This is part of what being Sarah means? Having you 'space' to run thousands of miles away and be with other people? Should I learn to be okay with that part of Sarah? Is that what it means to be with you?
Sarah Selena Lacklan: No. This time, obviously. Because I am fucking stupid. I will NEVER leave you again. I will NEVER avoid talking to you when I need to. I will NEVER be dishonest with you again.
Kenzi Grey: ...I don't trust you anymore... when we first started this, I didn't trust you, but I wanted to, I was just so afraid of being hurt. I wanted us to be perfect, but I was always ready for you to turn on me...to tell me that you never loved me and this was all some elaborate plan to get revenge or just to hurt me. It's happened before...it’s happened more than once. It took me months to learn to trust you...to give myself to you completely. I have NEVER loved anyone with my whole heart and soul before...not like this...not like I love you. I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU PISSED IT ALL AWAY JUST LIKE THAT!! LIKE IT WAS NOTHING TO YOU...like I was nothing. I would die before I lied and hurt you...I am dying right now, and I still can't lie to you.
Don't be sorry...just make me understand why...tell when what I did wrong! If you say nothing...I'll know that you are either lying to me or you don't care. So...tell me something...please!
Sarah Selena Lacklan: I care about you more than anything else in my life. So I will be truthful.
I hate how much I love you. My love for you changed me. Took away a lot of my edge. I would, and this is complete honesty, walk away from this business right this very second and spend the rest of our lives on my island if you asked me to.
And that isn't Sarah talking. That is Selena. That is US.
It is so hard to handle losing myself. You are near me constantly.
I love it.
I hate it.
I want to marry you. Have children. Grow odd.
But I also want to set people on fire.
I need space for that. I need to be able to focus on myself AND have you not be hurt or upset by that action.
Is that possible? Can you love the Firestarter AND your Lena?
I freaked and ran...because I am afraid that the answer is no.
Kenzi Grey: I won't lie to you because I don't know what I am without you in my life. I won't lie to you, I know what you mean and I have seen the change...but for me, I would love you if you fought the world or you just fought the urge to get out of bed each day. I love you as you are...and even that is hard...
I haven't told you this...so it’s not a lie, I just have never said anything. I know that I smother you, I know that I water you down. It’s not because I want to change you or stop you...it’s because just like you can't breathe when I am around, I can't breathe when you aren't. God's honest truth. I wait each morning for you to wake up and see what I have posted on Twitter about how much I love you. Sometimes it is just a favorite, sometimes a quick reply, but I wait for it like a puppy waiting on its master. I live for you to talk to me, spend time with me, to 'pssssst' me or point out a beautiful girl or boy for us to drool over. I love and cherish all those moments...and when I don't have them, when you are off by Sarah with someone else...I feel like I am all alone in the world. I hate it. I know it’s wrong...I know you think I'm insane or a crazy stalker, but it's true.
I know that you have to be you and I know that I can't have all of you all the time. I have to learn to love you less...if that makes any sense. I have to learn that just because you are everything to me...I'm not everything to you. You need space to be who you are and I have to learn out to let you. That is my failing...not yours, and I am sorry Baby. God in Heaven...I'm sorry.
Sarah Selena Lacklan: I am planning on setting the world on fire! Friends and foes alike.
Will you still love me then?
Will you follow me into the dark?
Kenzi Grey: I think I have proven to you time and time again that I an always on your side no matter what. But if you have to ask, maybe you don't believe me. I guess we will have to see then... Hey! I have to go, they are calling me onto the carpet for the Hexx event. Talk to you soon, okay?
Sarah Selena Lacklan: I love you, Mackenzie.
Kenzi Grey: Show is starting... I love you too.
I will pick you up at 5. I just decided. Shhhhhh 😘
Lucas Dupree: Well, I finished LAW #79 in short form, just to get it done. LAW #80's card is up.
Apr 2, 2018 3:54:37 GMT -5
bonniemcbody: Best of luck, Seleana.
Apr 2, 2018 10:16:32 GMT -5
Elizabeth Blackwell: I regret to infrom y'all that ill most likely miss the LAW deadline. Alot of work over the last few days and going into next week. I appologize to Sam and everyone and promise to be back full strength at the next LAW
Apr 6, 2018 20:50:43 GMT -5
Elizabeth Blackwell: Well it's been fun guys. Look forward to seeing y'all in other places
Apr 15, 2018 19:05:53 GMT -5
Orchid: Sucks to hear, I been in talks with someone about getting a feud going to come with an Orchid return but I guess I was a tad bit late. I hope she sees my last PM so we can still get something going elsewhere.
Apr 15, 2018 19:19:56 GMT -5
Britney: Hoping to find a all Girl fed
Apr 17, 2018 12:32:12 GMT -5