Post by Kenzi Grey on Jan 6, 2018 17:54:02 GMT -5
THE RED QUEEN
January 6, 2018
Sarah snickers as she approaches Kenzi in her motorized wheelchair. "Don't see too many hitchhikers around these parts. Thumbing for a lift?"
I hop on her lap, wrapping my arms around her. "Yeah, I got lost! I was looking for someone...who loves me."
Sarah purrs as noses nuzzle. "Lucky you." Fingers get the chair moving again, the whirr sound filling the quiet hall of their private portion of their massive yacht. "Is my Busy Bee available to talk about what I wanted to talk about? I have a slide presentation prepared in our cabin."
I hug her tightly, "Of course!" In the back of my mind, something I need to discuss lingers there as well. "All yours!"
Sarah continues to nuzzle and pur as they make their way through the hall and down the low ramp into their cabin. It had been fashioned to look similar to that of the cruiseliner that was the setting for her initial marriage proposal, which at the time was the promise of asking, with the honest-to-God, "us vs. the world" proposal to come at their West Hollywood apartment. When the chair came to a halt before the desktop computer she had used for her therapy session earlier in the day, she took a moment to admire her wife's features. "I will never get tired of kissing your freckles." A quick nip to the bridge of her nose.
"Preface question: A year ago, before we even started dating, I was having a terrible time with nightmares...but I do not recall if we ever spoke of them. We very well may not have, as they were somewhat of a personal problem. Tell me, did we speak of my nightmares and the lengths I was going to avoid sleeping?"
I shook my head, “No sweetie, that never came up at all.” I cast my gaze down the deck, I knew what was causing them...my stupidity. “Baby, it’s all my fault, that you’re having these bad feelings now.”
"Shit up and let me talk!" Sarah's face turned into fury but then quickly back to her smile, though her eyes seemed a touch haunted. "The stress of my father's condition and impending death was great. I dreamed about him constantly. Dying in the next room. Dying in my arms. Dying by falling from a great height. Dying from another fire." She shakes her head slowly. "They were constant. And I sought out Drive to...well...drive them away. That drug..." Another sad shake of her head. "It worked, I suppose. Being high, or Driven, all the time kept them away. But it also kept away sleep. It was a rough time, and I made a lot of dumb mistakes." She snickers suddenly. "In particular, mistakes named Justin and Stephanie!" Her expression falls after the sudden mirth. "Such was the condition I was in when we got to the set of All That Glitters. I was a mess. That might well fill in a few blanks about my...let us go with erratic...behavior, at the time. Does that make sense so far?"
“Yes, of course!” Indeed, it did make sense, though it didn’t make me feel any better. I remembered well her dalliance with Justin and with Steph. At the time, we weren’t romantically involved at all. I figured her for a free spirit and I didn’t judge her in the least. As I got to know her, her use of DRIVE was concerning, but not enough for me to turn my back on her. In fact, I actually tried it myself. It was…liberating, but in the end, I found that my needs were satisfied by Sarah herself, and there was no need for anything artificial. In time, she no longer needed it either…then I knew that we were perfect for one another.
I turned my attention back to her dreams, the ones that had returned…in particular the ones about my infidelity. I had to wonder if her doubt about me was pushing her back to using again. The thought of that terrified me. “Baby, you don’t need to worry! You don’t need DRIVE…I am right here, and I am never going anywhere!”
Sarah smiles at her and quickly nips her nose again. "Obvs. Now. I have been having a lot of bad dreams lately. And let me preface that with saying that I place my general calmness at your feet; indeed, I have never felt as whole or hale as I do with you. But ever since fully getting out of my coma, I have had trouble with rest. And starting a couple weeks ago, things have gotten worse."
She takes a deep breath and points towards the computer screen, where there is indeed a slide presentation. Her thin fingers move on the terminal on her chair and a slide of Milisandre Crowthorne pops up. "I had had a few bad dreams...usually staring Jacob...dreams that were a lot like the ones last year. But then I suddenly had one about Milisandre. It was...um...somewhat..." She looks at Kenzi out of the side of her eyes. "...erotic."
She grabs and squeezes Kenzi's hand. "You are the light in my darkness, and I was born embarrassed and ashamed by the dream. And the similar that followed. I HATE the idea of even being unfaithful to you in slumber, and so I asked you if you had ever had a silly fancy of your own. I was further embarrassed when you told me that you only dream of me. I asked Dr. Reznik about it, and he thought that it must have been some leftover angst from before my accident. But them again, he IS Freudian. He probably thinks my dreams mean that I want to dig up my father and have sex with his corpse while dressed as my mother!"
Nervous laughter leads to her quickly changing the slide to a particularly bad picture of Roxy Cotton, one which makes the buxom blonde look like a partied-out crack whore. "But then I had a similar dream featuring..." She gulps, clearly almost vomiting. She shakes her head to steady herself. "...Roxanne. She invited me to join her...for a fee, of course...and I fled. I awoke screaming from that one. And then-"
A click and the conveniently bad picture of Roxy is replaced by what might be the sweetest picture of Angie Vaughn ever taken. "-Angelica entered the fray. We were back in New York." She falters for a second. "We were in bed together...and that made me worry most of all. But then we had a Bible study followed by a playdate for her kitties and our baby girl!" The slide shows sers Bobby and Alex playing with Sarah's white dwarf bunny over the holidays.
"So then, I was REALLY confused as to what the hell was going on whenever I closed my eyes. And since then-" Several clicks show slides of photoshopped pictures of Sarah flying, falling, dancing, crying, screaming, and bleeding, including one where she had sprouted wings like Hexx, an explosion of color that showed her in various situations but all with the same theme:
Pain.
"It has been crazy, Beloved. It's why sleep has been so fleeting. And I want to know WHY. Dr. Reznik just wants to keep pushing 'ZOMG DADDY CORPSE SEX' psychobabble, and that is just silly. I have you and you make me complete, ya know?"
She turns from her slide presentations conclusion page to look in Kenzi's eyes. "Your faith believes that dreams are real, right? That they have to do with our...um...Thetan? Did I say that right?"
My body was totally numb and I barely heard anything after she told me that she’d been having erotic dreams...about our friends. I didn’t know what had hit me...it was like a punch to the gut.
I tried to focus on what she was saying, but only bits and pieces came through. All this time I had felt like I was the cause of her ‘bad feelings’ like she knew I was keeping a secret...one that put me in the arms of someone else. I had felt tortured by it...so much so that I put my relationship with my oldest friend in the business at risk.
I really wanted to throw up, but instead, I squeezed her hand back and tried to smile through it, doing my best to latch on to anything I could to get my mouth to work.
“Well...dreams...they, they are just the subconscious manifesting thoughts...or ideas from...our waking mind. It’s...” I shake my head, unable to find the words that will make me feel any better. So I finish with something tried and mostly true. “...fine.”
Sarah gives her a slow nod. "Dreams of sexual frustration...pain...falling...inability to be a complete partner..." She looks at her last slide. "While I appreciate Dr. Reznik's ability to get me to talk about things which I would normally be secretive about, I believe his Freudian view is nonsense. And, in a rarity, the Word has little in the way of help on this regard."
She turns back to Kenzi. "With your permission, I would like to speak to people from your church. Perhaps your views can help me in this. Would you be willing?"
“You don’t need my permission...Terri hardly ever talks to me about anything but you...” Maybe Terri would be next to invade my wife’s dreams...I chastised myself for the thought. They were just dreams.
...about other women, while I was right here with her...loving her...
I put my arms around her and kissed her cheek. “Do whatever you need to do.”
Sarah purred quickly at the kiss, as usual. "With you there, of course. If you would like. Having you be my shepherd for sounds wonderful."
She pauses, looking thoughtful. "Truth be told, the Word's position on unwanted thoughts or feelings is typically to put them in a box and smash that box with a hammer. I might well like what your faith teaches for this."
She looks back at Kenzi and stares at her, getting lost in her eyes for a moment, before shaking her head and getting back to the present. "Thank you for understanding. This is...difficult. What was it you wished to talk about, as well?"
I stare at her, struck dumb as I finally shake my head. There had been enough hurt feelings for today... “Hummm...Prenn, she...she told me she felt bad about bringing my mother into things...”
…I lied...
“...maybe just go easy on her. She meant well...” Prenn had come to me to apologize, but there was nothing to forgive. She was a necessary evil...for now.
I didn’t know what I would do with my secret from AMC...if I did anything with it at all now...
"Oh. Is that all? Prenn is dear and, as I said before, you mother is necessary for now. Well then...off to bed, Mrs. Grey-Lacklan?"
“I...better look at some video on Maki. I need to...I better be ready for this match.” I kiss her cheek and get up, eager to get some alone time for myself. “I’ll be along soon.”
Red eyes harden. "Try not to spend TOO much time watching Melissa videos."
January 6, 2018
Sarah snickers as she approaches Kenzi in her motorized wheelchair. "Don't see too many hitchhikers around these parts. Thumbing for a lift?"
I hop on her lap, wrapping my arms around her. "Yeah, I got lost! I was looking for someone...who loves me."
Sarah purrs as noses nuzzle. "Lucky you." Fingers get the chair moving again, the whirr sound filling the quiet hall of their private portion of their massive yacht. "Is my Busy Bee available to talk about what I wanted to talk about? I have a slide presentation prepared in our cabin."
I hug her tightly, "Of course!" In the back of my mind, something I need to discuss lingers there as well. "All yours!"
Sarah continues to nuzzle and pur as they make their way through the hall and down the low ramp into their cabin. It had been fashioned to look similar to that of the cruiseliner that was the setting for her initial marriage proposal, which at the time was the promise of asking, with the honest-to-God, "us vs. the world" proposal to come at their West Hollywood apartment. When the chair came to a halt before the desktop computer she had used for her therapy session earlier in the day, she took a moment to admire her wife's features. "I will never get tired of kissing your freckles." A quick nip to the bridge of her nose.
"Preface question: A year ago, before we even started dating, I was having a terrible time with nightmares...but I do not recall if we ever spoke of them. We very well may not have, as they were somewhat of a personal problem. Tell me, did we speak of my nightmares and the lengths I was going to avoid sleeping?"
I shook my head, “No sweetie, that never came up at all.” I cast my gaze down the deck, I knew what was causing them...my stupidity. “Baby, it’s all my fault, that you’re having these bad feelings now.”
"Shit up and let me talk!" Sarah's face turned into fury but then quickly back to her smile, though her eyes seemed a touch haunted. "The stress of my father's condition and impending death was great. I dreamed about him constantly. Dying in the next room. Dying in my arms. Dying by falling from a great height. Dying from another fire." She shakes her head slowly. "They were constant. And I sought out Drive to...well...drive them away. That drug..." Another sad shake of her head. "It worked, I suppose. Being high, or Driven, all the time kept them away. But it also kept away sleep. It was a rough time, and I made a lot of dumb mistakes." She snickers suddenly. "In particular, mistakes named Justin and Stephanie!" Her expression falls after the sudden mirth. "Such was the condition I was in when we got to the set of All That Glitters. I was a mess. That might well fill in a few blanks about my...let us go with erratic...behavior, at the time. Does that make sense so far?"
“Yes, of course!” Indeed, it did make sense, though it didn’t make me feel any better. I remembered well her dalliance with Justin and with Steph. At the time, we weren’t romantically involved at all. I figured her for a free spirit and I didn’t judge her in the least. As I got to know her, her use of DRIVE was concerning, but not enough for me to turn my back on her. In fact, I actually tried it myself. It was…liberating, but in the end, I found that my needs were satisfied by Sarah herself, and there was no need for anything artificial. In time, she no longer needed it either…then I knew that we were perfect for one another.
I turned my attention back to her dreams, the ones that had returned…in particular the ones about my infidelity. I had to wonder if her doubt about me was pushing her back to using again. The thought of that terrified me. “Baby, you don’t need to worry! You don’t need DRIVE…I am right here, and I am never going anywhere!”
Sarah smiles at her and quickly nips her nose again. "Obvs. Now. I have been having a lot of bad dreams lately. And let me preface that with saying that I place my general calmness at your feet; indeed, I have never felt as whole or hale as I do with you. But ever since fully getting out of my coma, I have had trouble with rest. And starting a couple weeks ago, things have gotten worse."
She takes a deep breath and points towards the computer screen, where there is indeed a slide presentation. Her thin fingers move on the terminal on her chair and a slide of Milisandre Crowthorne pops up. "I had had a few bad dreams...usually staring Jacob...dreams that were a lot like the ones last year. But then I suddenly had one about Milisandre. It was...um...somewhat..." She looks at Kenzi out of the side of her eyes. "...erotic."
She grabs and squeezes Kenzi's hand. "You are the light in my darkness, and I was born embarrassed and ashamed by the dream. And the similar that followed. I HATE the idea of even being unfaithful to you in slumber, and so I asked you if you had ever had a silly fancy of your own. I was further embarrassed when you told me that you only dream of me. I asked Dr. Reznik about it, and he thought that it must have been some leftover angst from before my accident. But them again, he IS Freudian. He probably thinks my dreams mean that I want to dig up my father and have sex with his corpse while dressed as my mother!"
Nervous laughter leads to her quickly changing the slide to a particularly bad picture of Roxy Cotton, one which makes the buxom blonde look like a partied-out crack whore. "But then I had a similar dream featuring..." She gulps, clearly almost vomiting. She shakes her head to steady herself. "...Roxanne. She invited me to join her...for a fee, of course...and I fled. I awoke screaming from that one. And then-"
A click and the conveniently bad picture of Roxy is replaced by what might be the sweetest picture of Angie Vaughn ever taken. "-Angelica entered the fray. We were back in New York." She falters for a second. "We were in bed together...and that made me worry most of all. But then we had a Bible study followed by a playdate for her kitties and our baby girl!" The slide shows sers Bobby and Alex playing with Sarah's white dwarf bunny over the holidays.
"So then, I was REALLY confused as to what the hell was going on whenever I closed my eyes. And since then-" Several clicks show slides of photoshopped pictures of Sarah flying, falling, dancing, crying, screaming, and bleeding, including one where she had sprouted wings like Hexx, an explosion of color that showed her in various situations but all with the same theme:
Pain.
"It has been crazy, Beloved. It's why sleep has been so fleeting. And I want to know WHY. Dr. Reznik just wants to keep pushing 'ZOMG DADDY CORPSE SEX' psychobabble, and that is just silly. I have you and you make me complete, ya know?"
She turns from her slide presentations conclusion page to look in Kenzi's eyes. "Your faith believes that dreams are real, right? That they have to do with our...um...Thetan? Did I say that right?"
My body was totally numb and I barely heard anything after she told me that she’d been having erotic dreams...about our friends. I didn’t know what had hit me...it was like a punch to the gut.
I tried to focus on what she was saying, but only bits and pieces came through. All this time I had felt like I was the cause of her ‘bad feelings’ like she knew I was keeping a secret...one that put me in the arms of someone else. I had felt tortured by it...so much so that I put my relationship with my oldest friend in the business at risk.
I really wanted to throw up, but instead, I squeezed her hand back and tried to smile through it, doing my best to latch on to anything I could to get my mouth to work.
“Well...dreams...they, they are just the subconscious manifesting thoughts...or ideas from...our waking mind. It’s...” I shake my head, unable to find the words that will make me feel any better. So I finish with something tried and mostly true. “...fine.”
Sarah gives her a slow nod. "Dreams of sexual frustration...pain...falling...inability to be a complete partner..." She looks at her last slide. "While I appreciate Dr. Reznik's ability to get me to talk about things which I would normally be secretive about, I believe his Freudian view is nonsense. And, in a rarity, the Word has little in the way of help on this regard."
She turns back to Kenzi. "With your permission, I would like to speak to people from your church. Perhaps your views can help me in this. Would you be willing?"
“You don’t need my permission...Terri hardly ever talks to me about anything but you...” Maybe Terri would be next to invade my wife’s dreams...I chastised myself for the thought. They were just dreams.
...about other women, while I was right here with her...loving her...
I put my arms around her and kissed her cheek. “Do whatever you need to do.”
Sarah purred quickly at the kiss, as usual. "With you there, of course. If you would like. Having you be my shepherd for sounds wonderful."
She pauses, looking thoughtful. "Truth be told, the Word's position on unwanted thoughts or feelings is typically to put them in a box and smash that box with a hammer. I might well like what your faith teaches for this."
She looks back at Kenzi and stares at her, getting lost in her eyes for a moment, before shaking her head and getting back to the present. "Thank you for understanding. This is...difficult. What was it you wished to talk about, as well?"
I stare at her, struck dumb as I finally shake my head. There had been enough hurt feelings for today... “Hummm...Prenn, she...she told me she felt bad about bringing my mother into things...”
…I lied...
“...maybe just go easy on her. She meant well...” Prenn had come to me to apologize, but there was nothing to forgive. She was a necessary evil...for now.
I didn’t know what I would do with my secret from AMC...if I did anything with it at all now...
"Oh. Is that all? Prenn is dear and, as I said before, you mother is necessary for now. Well then...off to bed, Mrs. Grey-Lacklan?"
“I...better look at some video on Maki. I need to...I better be ready for this match.” I kiss her cheek and get up, eager to get some alone time for myself. “I’ll be along soon.”
Red eyes harden. "Try not to spend TOO much time watching Melissa videos."