Post by Kenzi Grey on Jan 20, 2018 18:37:38 GMT -5
PROLOGUE...
On the last show I got to fight in a dream match of sorts against Melissa Aki…a woman that I love and respect. The two of us went toe to toe and blow for blow and in the end, it was probably anyone’s match. I was sure that I would win and spoil her debut, just as she was positive that she was going to dethrone the Champion of Champions. In the end neither of us got the chance to prove who was the better woman on that night in Washington D.C. because of Etsuko, the former Breakout Champion. I know that Maki is just as upset as I am, but neither of us can dwell on what might have been because the cold hard truth of the matter is that Ladies All-Star Wrestling waits for no one. The fans have short memories and that means that we have to as well.
Maki gets another crack at getting her first win in LAW next show and I wish her all the best until we meet again. As for me? Well…the road gets no easier…in fact, the road might very well have gotten just a bit stiffer. No, I’m not saying that Alicia Lucas is better than Maki, but what I will say is this; where Maki may or may not have pulled a punch, I know for a fact that Alicia won’t. Are we friends? Yes, I’d like to think so, but I have no illusions when it comes to facing someone of her caliber. She had fought around the world, she had held titles near and far, and she has a competitive fire that has consumed more than a few people in her path.
…I have no intention of being one of them…
I am going to go into Greenville, South Carolina with one thought and one thought alone…to etch my name into the amazingly short list of competitors that have managed to beat Alicia Lucas! No, I am not going to run around all week telling everyone who will listen how I am going to shake up the world when I win, I am just going to walk down the aisle of the BI-LO Center and I am going to show one of the best in the world why I am not only the measuring stick of LAW…but I am LAW’s apex Champion as well! I know she had designs on getting her hands on even more gold, and I have no doubt that she will, but it won’t be at my expense…of that, everyone in LAW can be sure!
While Alicia gets the benefit of staying laser focused on me and her climb to get to the top, I have to worry about staying there…and I have to worry about someone who thinks they are STILL there! Etsuko has made her presence felt in both of my last two matches, and I have little doubt that she’s licking her chops at the thought of doing it again…but it’s not happening, not a third time! Alicia and I are going to tear the house down, and no one is going to stop that from happening…especially a jealous FORMER Champion who has yet to record a win since the middle of 2017! If she thinks for one solitary moment that she can walk into LAW 76 with Kenzi Grey on the brain…lose to Darlin’ Clementine and STILL get a shot at my title…she’d better get her head examined!
…speaking of shrinks…
If I didn’t have enough to worry about between Etsuko dogging my every step and a marquee matchup with Alicia; I stupidly volunteered to sit in on my wife’s therapy session with her quack doctor, RezDICK! I know that Sarah thinks that these sessions are helping her…that this will be the answer to getting back everything that she lost because of Jacob Hargrave, but it seems like dime store BS to me! Just like Maki thinking she is possessed by a demon, those are just symptoms of a wounded spirit. Shrinks and exorcists aren’t going to help either one of them…gaining the clarity of mind that I have achieved like Roxy Cotton can and will!
I am going to endure this session with Sarah, not because I believe she is actually getting help, but because I know that my presence there with her…the presence of someone who is CLEAR will help her a hell of a lot more than some quack!
I might have a full plate right now with so many things going on in my personal life, but if there is one thing that I am better at than anyone else I know…it’s taking everything that comes my way and seeing it through to the end! I will help Sarah get through her session with her ‘doctor’ the same we that Team Kickass has always gotten through things…as a team!
I will shrug off the negativity of Etsuko as she continues to try to get my attention by sticking her nose in my business! I earned my shot at the LAW Breakout Championship and I took it away from her by climbing the ladder, rung by rung! She has the fast track to having a shot at getting it back, but she can't see the forest for the trees! I’ll show her how a REAL champion conducts herself, and then maybe we can get down to the business of having a proper match for the title she will NEVER get her hands on again!
And last…but certainly not least…I will get down to the very serious business of stepping to one of the most decorated champions that I have ever faced. Alicia Lukas is NOT the woman I want to be facing right now…Etsuko is, but I’ll be damned if I shy away from one of the greatest challenges of my career! I have to prove to the former Breakout Champion that she’s no champion at all, but before I do, it looks like I have to prove; one champion to another, that I am the Champion of Champions for reason!
Alicia Lukas...Greenville, South Carolina…get ready…Kenzi Grey-Lacklan is headed your way...but first, I minor detour...
I watched from the back as Bongo The Clown danced around in a crazy circle as he sang the ‘Bongo The Clown Song’ to a bunch of children that sat in rapt attention. He hopped around and sang about the virtues of brushing twice a day and he crooned about listening to your parents…
…I guess one out of two aint bad…
To be honest, the painted white face gave me the willys, despite the big bright red smile that went from ear to ear. I didn’t like clowns and I didn’t care for kids either, but this was for a good cause, and I had to set the example where I could. I was the LAW Breakout Champion, and by god that meant something to me! Maybe it meant nothing to people like Gabby Camacho and Etsuko who constantly hurled disrespect my way, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me…nothing was!
…nothing except for my fear of clowns…
I looked down at my wife as she sat in her wheelchair OF DOOM, and she looked up at me with pride swelling through her. She mouthed the words; ‘…you will do great…’ then, she patted me on my behind and sent me off through the curtain and into the spotlight…
The roar of the kids frightened me and I nearly jumped right of the lime green dragon costume that I wore. For a moment, I forgot my name…until the children screamed it at me…
“MRS. SMOKEBOTTOM!!”
Wow, I thought to myself; that is probably the worse name that I have ever heard! Who in the hell was writing this stuff? I shook my head as I plastered on a cheery smile and launched into song and dance alongside Bongo The Clown, singing as loud and hard as I possibly could! I was thankful that the kids were singing and the people in the crowd were joining in as well. I wasn’t sure that I had even gotten half the lyrics right…so that was a blessing in the disguise.
I stole a few glances offstage at Sarah as she watched me with the biggest smile on her face that I have ever seen. It made me happy to no end to see her like that. I almost forgot about the woes that we were going through with her weird dreams and my ridiculous secret about AMC. Seeing her so into this was more than I could have ever hoped for, in fact I…
…I paused, for only a beat, I didn’t think Sarah was watching me at all…
I narrowed my eyes and watched her beautiful red irises as they washed over the children all around me. Usually, the two of us made a game out of making fun of children. Our dislike was legendary, along with a certain gif of Sarah tossing a child into a burning pit of fire. The look on her face now had nothing to do with any such jocularity. She was actually enjoying herself, clapping her hands and grinning from ear to fucking ear. She couldn’t move her legs, but her toes were going into overdrive as they peeked out of the front of her Red Bottoms. This seemed like the Twilight Zone to me! As crazy as my life often was, this was something that threw me for a serious loop.
I immediately felt a little pang of regret for feeling that way. Sarah was happy and that was all that mattered. After what she had been through and what she was dealing with, she deserved a bit of sunshine wherever she could find it…though this seemed an odd place for it, given our history. Still, I was done looking the gift horse in the mouth, she was having a great time and in a weird way, so was I…even with the dumb clown hopping all around me. It was therapy of a sort…whether I realized it at the time or not.
As we finished the children all ran up and had hugs for the both of us, though a few of the kids did give me strange sideways glances. I could tell that they were sizing me up and no one was buying that I was really ‘Mrs. Smokebottom.’
Bongo finished and then he turned to me with that spooky clown smile and winked before he addressed the crowd. “KIDS! Old Bongo has a bit of a confession to make to you all today! Mrs. Smokebottom’s contract on the ‘Bongo The Clown Show’ actually ended last week and Mrs. Smokebottom opted to leave the show…and her husband…”
Bongo muttered under his breath, “…lying sack of shit…” He winked at me again, as he continued on. “Mrs. Smokebottom is dead…she’s dead and gone!”
The kids gave out a horrified shriek and even I was a bit unsettled by it. I started to speak up and tell the kids that it okay, but Bongo beat me to the punch.
“Kids, old Bongo brought you guys something that is even better than Mrs. Smokebottom…and after I rip off her head, I am sure that you will all agree!” I was actually stunned into silence until Bongo reached over and forcibly yanked the dragon head off of me. “I BROUGHT YOU THE STAR OF HEXX AND THE LADIES ALL-STAR WRESTLING CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS, KENZI GREY!!”
…at first…there was nothing but stunned silence throughout the soundstage…
Thank goodness Sarah started to clap from just out of the view of everyone, then slowly it started to catch on until the crowd was going, all thoughts of the decapitation of Mrs. Smokebottom forgotten, for a moment. Just to make sure that Bongo had no more surprises in store, I quickly stripped out of what remained of the unfaithful and unscrupulous Mrs. Smokebottom costume. Free of that, I made my way around the circle shaking hands and hugging the children in turn. I smiled just as broadly as I could, especially as I saw Sarah practically beaming. If she could have floated out of the chair, she would have.
I suddenly found myself in the middle of a kiddy apocalypse as I was bombarded with all manner of questions…
“DO YOU REALLY HAVE SUPERPOWERS LIKE ON TELEVISION?!”
“No, I’m just a regular girl, but given the chance I can do extraordinary things!”
“IS WRESTLING REALLY REAL?!”
“Wrestling is 100% real and it is 100% dangerous if you aren’t properly trained! Don’t do what you see on television! If you want to be a wrestler, save your money and find a good school, like the one Alexis Blake runs!”
“DID YOU HELP BONGO KILL MRS. SMOKEBOTTOM?!”
“NO! No I didn’t!”
“WHEN IS HEXX COMING BACK?!”
“The last televised episode will air soon, then you may get to see a movie or a miniseries or two…but…aren’t you too young to be watching Hexx?”
“ARE YOU MARRIED TO A VAMPIRE?!”
“No…no I am not married to a vampire.”
“ARE YOU GONNA BEAT ALICIA LUKAS?!”
“I am going to try my best to win my match against Alicia Lukas. Alicia is a great competitor, so I know it will be a hard fought match for sure!”
“IS YOUR MOM DATING REDD THUNDER?!”
“Errr…next question…”
“IS MAKI REALLY A DEMON?!”
“There are no such things as demons, only people who are…confused.”
“CAN YOU BRING MRS. SMOKEBOTTOM BACK TO LIFE LIKE JESUS DID TO YOU ON TV?!”
“WOW! Look at the time! I really have to go!”
I took a few pictures and signed a few autographs. I hadn’t planned on staying that long, but the producers asked me to…so the kids wouldn’t see Bongo get escorted out of the back after he was caught taking a dump inside Mrs. Smokebottom’s head. Still…all in all…it wasn’t a bad outing. Just nothing I’d be clamoring to do again…ever…
CHANNEL 29 SOUNDSTAGE
Los Angeles, California
I was glad to be out of the view of the cameras for the ‘Bongo The Clown Show’ and instead centered on one that I felt much more at ease to be in front of. It was nice to spend a bit of time promoting LAW and encouraging the children, but at the end of the day…this was my natural environment. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything other than who I was…Kenzi Grey-Lacklan; Ladies All-Star Wrestling Breakout Champion!
I sighed as I waived to the camera and welcomed my loyal viewers to another episode of Grey Matter. “HI GUYS! Thank you for tuning in, and for those of you who just watched Bongo The Clown, an extra special double thanks for that!” I couldn’t help but to frown, “I’m fairly certain that was the last ever episode of that show…”
I put my arms around myself as I tried to get the image of Bongo squatting and shitting into the dinosaur head costume of his now estranged wife out of my own head. They had dragged him out of that place kicking and screaming like a lunatic. I sighed and refocused my attention on the issues of the day.
“Hey! First things, first! I want to thank everyone who backed me for my last wrestling show were I took on Melissa Aki! I think that I truly did wrestle one of the better matches of my career against her. It was a complete shame that match got ruined by Etsuko, but I am confident that she and I will meet in the ring again.” I balled up my fists as I thought about the reason I was standing here apologizing instead of humbly talking about my victory. “As for Etsuko…she better stop thinking about me and start focusing on her opponent for next Sunday! She might have the Champion of Champions on the brain, but she will be dealing with a hot newcomer.” I smiled, in spite of myself, “I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than losing that match and having LAW reconsider your rematch clause. You think about that long and hard before you consider bringing your behind down to ring when I face Alicia Lukas, okay?”
I could feel that flutter down deep in my belly as I mentioned the name of my next opponent. I was different than when I spoke about others. Yeah, she was a friend, but even more than that, she was every bit the legend that I thought she was. Everyone knew her as a top tier talent, and now I was going to get the chance to show the world that I was top tier as well!
“Next weekend I get to go toe to toe with Alicia Lukas…a woman that I have great admiration for…” I paused as I let that sink in a bit. “…but don’t dare get it twisted! I have admiration for what she has done in the ring and the kind of person that she is outside of it, but at LAW 76, I don’t plan on letting any of that stop me from doing what I need to do against a wrestler of her pedigree! Alicia has been in this game and doing it way better than most people, so facing her is going to be one of the biggest challenges that I can imagine as I try to put my name right alongside hers as one of the greatest to do this in the modern era.”
I thought back to all of the times I saw Alicia on social media touting main event after main event. She always seemed to have a title in hand or around her waist. I didn’t know if she was unbeatable, but it damn sure seemed like if there was anyone at all in this business that could claim that…it was her. “To be the best in this business, you have to beat the best in this business! I have seen countless women come into LAW and lay claim to being the best, only to come up short again and again…then never be heard from afterwards. They were all legends in their own mind…but Alicia Lukas? She’s something special…”
I walked over and plopped down in Bongo’s chair. I had it on good authority that he wasn’t going to be needing it again. I held up my hands, “…and for those of you watching and thinking that I am selling myself short in this match, you can slow your roll on that. I am telling the truth, as I see it. Alicia is probably the best around, and I am going to get the chance to say that I am just as good after I face her in Greenville next weekend…face her…and beat her.”
I didn’t want to sound cocky, I just wanted to sound confident. Alicia had sent me more than a few tweets this week showing me her impressive workout routine…no doubt looking to put me on notice. I had responded back with a few silly pictures of me eating grapes and making a general mockery of anything to do with match preparation, but behind all the silliness, I was getting ready…whether she realized it or not.
“I want people to know why I am showing Alicia respect, instead of standing here and disrespectfully running her down. I am not Gabby Camacho, I don’t have to make up facts in an attempt to bury people before I face them. I call a spade a spade, and then I go out to that ring and I proceed to do what I have done better than any other singles champion over the course of the last few months…I perform…not with my mouth, but with heart, skill, and determination!” I smile at the mention of the LAW Champion, a woman I had apparently embarrassed so badly that all she could talk about was me, no matter who she was facing. That made me happy…that made me proud. “I am showing Alicia the respect that she deserves because she is in a position that I want…and I will take next Sunday! I respect the hell out of her for what she has done, and one day when someone else is coming into this business…” I glanced over to where the children were being led out of the building, “…maybe one of those kids, I want them to look back at me and I want them to see me like I see Alicia now. I want them to see Kenzi Grey-Lacklan as a force in this business to be admired…to be respected…and then to be eclipsed!”
I sit forward, lacing my fingers together as I stare right into the camera, right at Alicia. I knew she would be watching and I hoped that she would be hanging on my every word. “Alicia, I meant every word, and I also mean these words that I am about to speak…” I cleared my throat, I didn’t want my voice cracking. “Welcome to Ladies All-Star Wrestling and congratulations on winning your debut match. I don’t think that anyone doubted that you would win for a moment…except maybe Bordy herself. I never doubted it for a second. I have seen you work and I know what you bring to the table. I know who you are, I know where you have been, and I know what you have done. You don’t have anything to prove to me…except that you can beat me. Maybe you think you can, but thinking you can and actually doing it…those are to vastly different things.”
I took a deep breath, sitting back as I folded my arms over my chest. “I don’t call myself the Champion of Champions because it sounds nice…I call myself the Champion of Champions because that is what I know I am! That is what I became when I defeated the Chaos Champion, the Marquee Champion, and the LAW Champion! I flipped the script and I changed the rules in a single night…but now you are here to change the landscape…if I let you.” I grinned at the thought, “I’m not going to let you.”
“I know you fought hard as hell to get where you are and I know that at LAW 76 you will fight just as hard to get to where you want to be! You want to be where I am…no, not a champion…THE Champion! If there is one person on this roster, with the exception of the Cool Kids who can do it, I would say that it’s you. It’s you all day long Alicia…but it’s not today…and it’s not next Sunday either! Next Sunday is going to be MY day! It is going to be the day that I take the very next step in my evolution as a competitor in this business!”
“I hope that when the dust clears and it is all said and done that you will look at me the same way I look at you. I see you for what you are…300 pounds of ass kicking poured into a 150 pound bag! I fought my heart out last show and I was forced to leave the ring with nothing to show for it. I’ll be damned if I do that a second time…I’ll be damned if I miss another chance to show someone I respect just how good I really am!” I stood up and blew a kiss to the camera. “I’ll be seeing you soon Alicia…I’ll be seeing you real soon!”
EPILOGUE...
THE RED QUEEN
Hours Later…
Sarah was all smiles as she squeezed Kenzi’s hand. She normally hated her sessions with Dr. Reznik, as the old man made her face fears and realities about herself that she tried hard to ignore, but this one was different. The day had been wonderful, if difficult. The filming for the ‘Bongo The Clown Show’ had been loads of fun, far more than she thought it would have been. Even after spending the morning being the big star, Kenzi made time to massage Sarah’s feet on the ride away from the studio, which still caused bolts of electricity to fill every part of her body that she could feel. They had lunch with Terri, Kenzi’s Scientology advisor, which was a far more pleasant experience than she had expected. Kenzi being there for Sarah’s physical therapy was as if Team Kickass was firing on all cylinders again. And while she could FEEL Kenzi’s aversion for psychiatry as an institution, she did not mind it; after all, she was pretty sure that Kenzi could feel her own aversion for some of the practices of Scientology, but also appreciated her earnest attempts for them to come together in all things…
___________________________
I took a deep breath as I sat beside Sarah and she SKYPED her ‘doctor.’ As the man’s face popped up on the screen, I felt my stomach turn…not only at the thought if his quackery, but there was something about him that I just plain didn’t care for. I just wanted to get through this, then she and I could finally rest up after having such a full day.
“And how do you feel, Madam?” The skeletal doctor on the other side of the computer had his face down as he wrote notes, as per usual according to what Sarah had told me of the man.
“Fantastic, Sir. Perhaps better than I have ever since the accident.” She squeezed my hand. “I am blessed with the greatest partner in the history of forever. My friends are all doing well. Even Roxanne, who has been remarkably charitable lately…”
She paused when she heard me swallow a laugh. She looks at me with a questioning expression, but my face was full of innocence by the time she got a good look in my direction. I could tell that she thought she had simply misheard. “Um…anyway…and I followed your advice and started blogging again. In the spirit of ‘be who I am, not who I was,’ I have been offering insight on matches and such, and it makes me feel better. So…yes…I believe that ‘fantastic’ is the correct word.”
“Interesting.” The scratching of the pen is maddening, and I start to see how irritating it is. “And how have you been doing with the temper issues we have discussed?”
Sarah’s face darkens a bit. She looks off to the side, red eyes finding anything to look at. I can tell that what she says next is far from the exact truth. “Perfectly fine.”
The pen never stops scratching. “No lies in here, Madam.”
Sarah grumbles to herself and I am equally glad that RezDICK can see the lie as well. “Somewhat fine.” She looks back towards the computer. “By keeping off social media, I have been able to not pick any fights or drag people, so there is no issue there. I’m sure my blogs have gotten some reaction, but since I’m not there to engage, it has not been a problem. But…well…there WAS an incident on Sunday…”
“Yes?”
“Well…you see…” She looks at me with wide eyes, and I am suddenly struck as I rack my brain to remember what could have happened that day. We were in Washington D.C. for LAW 75. “Oh, Beloved! I completely forgot to tell you! It slipped my mind in all the excitement of planning your MLK Day celebration.”
She turns back towards the computer. “That Melissa Aki woman we have spoken of? You know, the raging whore?” She does her best to ignore my sudden frown. “Well, she did what all wrestlers do; she told me a lie in order to get a reaction out of me. See, in the guise of Daniela…you would LOVE this part, Doctor; she goes into a complete dissociative state whenever she needs to do something bad and develops a second personality…she told me that my Beloved had been intimate with someone within our general circle. And, to my shame, I let it get to me. I mean, I KNOW it was a falsehood, and I knew THEN it was a falsehood, but I still snapped and tried to ram into her with Lorraine.”
…my mouth instantly goes dry…but I say nothing as she continues…
“I know that I shouldn’t let it get to me, but I couldn’t help it. Her constant little jabs at me annoy me and…well…I snapped. I need to do better.” She turns to me and I am frozen. “Isn’t that crazy, Beloved? Melissa telling me that you slept with Ashley Marie Chase in Vegas. I mean, the lie worked, since she seems to get under my skin so easily for some reason, but you would think she would have come up with a more believable lie than that!”
The color drains from my face and I know everyone sees it, even the boney and hateful Dr. Reznick who stops his scratching and looks at me through the computer screen…waiting for an answer. I swallow as I turn to Sarah, my stomach twisting into hard knots. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. Should I lie? Should I not? My first instinct was to pretend not to know what she was talking about, but…that felt worst…it felt cheap and not at all like the foundation our relationship had been built on. I swallowed my pride down, just the way she probably did when she told me about her dreams.
“Baby…I…I don’t want to lie to you. AMC…well…she…” I looked over at RezDICK, wishing he wasn’t here. I looked back at Sarah. “Can we go somewhere…private?”
Sarah's eyes go wide for a moment and her mouth opens in surprise. "Um...uh..." She reaches over and shuts off the computer quickly without saying a word to her psychiatrist, cutting off the signal. "Mackenzie?"
I drop my head as I speak, unable to meet her eyes. “I feel like a piece of shit. You have been so understanding of my jealousy over your dumb dreams…but I don’t deserve it. I…I…” I sigh as I look up into her lovely red eyes. I hated the way they were looking at me now, but I knew I deserved it. “AMC told me how she got our marriage annulled. She…she had a video of the two of us together in Vegas…when Colin and I were supposed to be on our honeymoon.”
I sighed, feeling the weight come off, but still feeling terrible all the same. “She told me a few weeks ago…she asked me not to tell you. I think…maybe she was afraid of what your reaction might be. But…I’m the one you should be mad at…not her…not Maki.” I wanted to cry, but it wouldn’t have mattered even if I did.
Sarah’s eyes move back and forth rapidly, the tell that I knew well which meant she was thinking about what she had heard from multiple perspectives. "...wait..." She licks her lips. "Ashley Marie Chase...the woman who spent the better part of six months passively-aggressively trying to convince me to invite her into a threesome with us..." She shakes her head slowly. "...a few weeks ago..." Her hands beginning to shake violently. "...a...few...WEEKS...ago?"
She holds up a finger to keep me from answering, a finger which shakes so bad that it seems as if she might well be wagging it. "...why..." She licks her lips again. "...why did I hear it FIRST...from the woman who wants to fuck you?"
I wanted to scream that Maki was just my friend, there was no sexual attraction between us, but that wasn’t the point. I had no right to defend myself. All I can do is shake my head, eyes not wanting to meet hers. “I was upset…I had no right to be, but I was.” I hated the fact that I had hurt her, but this was as good a time as any to unburden my soul. “After your…accident, I did everything right. I stayed by your side and I kept the faith. I knew one of two things would happen…you’d come back to me…or…I’d follow you into the Dark.”
A favorite saying of ours, but there was truth in those words. A powerful truth that I had dared not lend voice to…until now.
“I thought…that maybe you wouldn’t come back to me for a time…and I made peace with that. I made peace with the fact that without you, there was no me. I resigned myself to that fate…but…when you came back…GOD…I knew that you came back for me!” I smiled, despite the situation as I was reminded of that day that she opened her eyes again. “I knew that you would walk through Hell to be with me…just like I was ready to leave this world to be with you…no matter where the path led. All I wanted to do was to be with you…all the time…to show you how much you meant to me…but…"
I swallowed, not really wanting to say the rest. “…maybe you didn’t come back for me at all…maybe…" Tears did fall this time and I was ashamed of them. I had no right to be hurt, but I was. I couldn’t help it. “…maybe your dreams…about the others…the dreams about Mil, Roxy, Angie…all of them…maybe it just means…” I stood up, walking away and wrapping my arms around myself. “…this is about what I did, not what you want to do. I’m…sorry…I shouldn’t have kept the secret. I…I was just hurt…hurt and angry.”
“THEY ARE JUST DREAMS!” I flinch as I look over at her. I could see her whole body shaking as she tried to get up out of her chair. “JUST. FUCKING. DREAMS.”
Angry tears stream down her face and she doesn’t bother to try to stop them. She runs her hands through her platinum hair, yanking on the braid that took so long to make just perfect. She heaves in deep breaths for a moment. I can see how hard she is trying to control herself.
“...please come back…” Her voice is no more than a whisper. “...I can’t walk to you…”
My feet feel like they are made of lead as I turn and make my way over to her. I couldn’t remember a time when I had been more ashamed. I knelt down beside her, eyes unable to even look at her. “Sarah…I know they are just dreams…I know I should have told you about Vegas…I know all of these things.” I shrug. “I’m stupid…and I’m sorry.”
Sarah reaches up and grabs me by the side of my head, each hand full of braids, and yanks my head up, forcing me to look her in the eye. "Shit up!" She breathes hard, the tears coming to an end but still burning on her cheeks.
"From the moment we wed, I have not even LOOKED at another woman. Don't you get that? Don't you see how much you changed me?! Fuck, Ken! I didn't even want to play our Article 4 games anymore! You are my light in the dark. All I ever want or need. My reason and path for coming back." Her eyes well with tears again, ready to fall into her lap, hot and wet.
"Do you trust me?"
My own eyes burn with tears. “Of course I do! I trust you…I love you!”
All of that was true, that and so much more. Before…I had trust issues, built up over a lifetime of neglect, but Sarah had changed all of that. Not overnight, but she had changed it. She didn’t realize it, but I had to fake being jealous, just so she’d know that I loved her and only her. Trust was not the issue.
“Baby, I know you love me…but maybe…maybe there is a part of you that wishes for something different…something more.”
Sarah stares, her eyes moving quickly. A tear slips past her defenses and she takes her hands away from my head with a struggle, ultimately letting them fall into her lap…just as I predicted. "I will never lie to you again. Not after...not after New York. You are everything. Everything I want. Today has been magical. Everything...but..."
She lets her eyes drop away from mines and bites down on her lip to stop herself.
“I shouldn’t have held the truth from you…I should have told you how I felt…but…” I shrug, wiping at my face. “…you have dealt with so much, adding my insecurities to it hardly seemed fair.”
Sarah is silent for a long moment, taking the time to breathe in deeply and slowly, calming herself. “Three things.” She nods to herself. “One...do you swear that you didn’t remember about your time with Ashley until she told you? I will believe you if you say that this is new information.”
I shook my head. "No Sarah! I swear!" I was drunk and drugged out of my mind that night. I had no clue about any of it. "AMC has some video, but she wouldn't let me see it. She claims she'll get rid of it. I have no reason to doubt her."
Sarah nods her head as she studies her lap. “I believe you. And I don't hold any ill will about her time with her. I mean, we both know how...bad...I was when I was like that.” She pauses a moment. “Second...will you please tell Melissa to not call you 'babe' or 'baby' ever again?"
I smile at this. Thankful for it. "I will ask...if you ask that man in UGWC podcast to stop feeding you skinned grapes!"
Sarah can't help but laugh at that, at the silliness of Donovan Hastings. But her face turns serious when she looks up and meets my eyes. "Thirdly. I have been kinda keeping something from you, too." She looks away for a moment and shrugs. "Mostly because I can't do anything about it for a while, but..."
She looks back up and nods again. "When I am back to...well...as good as I can be? When I am walking again? I want a baby."
This stuns me into silence...shocked muted silence. Instantly, all the hurt was forgotten...replaced by...something else. I stood up and paced away, then turned and stared at her, waiting...hoping that she was joking. "Sarah...? SARAH!!" I could feel myself getting angry, but I couldn't understand why.
Sarah's face falls as she watches me pace and then recoils as I screamed her name. "I'm...um...I'm sorry..."
"I'm not...not mad...not really...I..." I shook my head...it matched my shaking hands. It all made sense now as I thought back to how she looked at those kids at the Bongo Show. I still needed to inject some common sense into the conversation. "We are 20 years old...only 20! What in the fuck are we going to do with a kid? WE ARE STILL KIDS!" I stop as I catch myself yelling again. "I'm sorry..." I sigh, "What about your career?"
Sarah stares at me blankly for a moment. "Career?" She looks down at her lap, at the legs she can't feel. "Career?!" She looks back up and her eyes are wide.
"MY CAREER IS OVER!"
Her hands begin shaking violently again and she fights to control her voice. "Mackenzie...I may never RUN again! How am I supposed to FIGHT?!" She looks away and waves one of her shaking hands dismissively. "Forget I brought it up. It's stupid."
I take her hands, holding them. "Is that what Rezdick is teaching you? To fucking give up? IS HE?!" That quack was a piece of shit! "Sarah, you can do anything....ANYTHING AT ALL! You just have to see it and start to realize it!" I look down at her chair and shake my head. "If you are confined to this thing for the rest of your days, I will be happy to be right here with you...but I know that this isn't how your legacy is meant to end...and I also know that a child is not in your immediate future either! You owe it to yourself to try....TO FUCKING TRY! Don't accept this...don't accept what Rezdick tells you is possible!"
Sarah shuts her eyes and squeezes my hands. "...it’s so hard Ken..." She shakes my hands slowly. "...every time all the stretching helps me feel me more...I'm just in so much pain..."
All I can do is hug and hold her. "Okay...I get it Baby. I really do. I am with you...whatever you want to do. I'm there for you."
She shakes as fresh tears fall, the jumble and change of emotions over the last few minutes just as hard for her to handle or control as my own. "...to make you proud...and happy...that is what I want to do..."
"Baby, you do that just by being you. That is all I want...just be you."
Sarah nods into my body, hands clenching tight. This revelation was one that I was wholly unprepared for. I was glad to have our issues out in the open, but this…this was more than I bargained for…especially as I turned my focus to the next great challenge; taking down a woman I damn near idolized…
On the last show I got to fight in a dream match of sorts against Melissa Aki…a woman that I love and respect. The two of us went toe to toe and blow for blow and in the end, it was probably anyone’s match. I was sure that I would win and spoil her debut, just as she was positive that she was going to dethrone the Champion of Champions. In the end neither of us got the chance to prove who was the better woman on that night in Washington D.C. because of Etsuko, the former Breakout Champion. I know that Maki is just as upset as I am, but neither of us can dwell on what might have been because the cold hard truth of the matter is that Ladies All-Star Wrestling waits for no one. The fans have short memories and that means that we have to as well.
Maki gets another crack at getting her first win in LAW next show and I wish her all the best until we meet again. As for me? Well…the road gets no easier…in fact, the road might very well have gotten just a bit stiffer. No, I’m not saying that Alicia Lucas is better than Maki, but what I will say is this; where Maki may or may not have pulled a punch, I know for a fact that Alicia won’t. Are we friends? Yes, I’d like to think so, but I have no illusions when it comes to facing someone of her caliber. She had fought around the world, she had held titles near and far, and she has a competitive fire that has consumed more than a few people in her path.
…I have no intention of being one of them…
I am going to go into Greenville, South Carolina with one thought and one thought alone…to etch my name into the amazingly short list of competitors that have managed to beat Alicia Lucas! No, I am not going to run around all week telling everyone who will listen how I am going to shake up the world when I win, I am just going to walk down the aisle of the BI-LO Center and I am going to show one of the best in the world why I am not only the measuring stick of LAW…but I am LAW’s apex Champion as well! I know she had designs on getting her hands on even more gold, and I have no doubt that she will, but it won’t be at my expense…of that, everyone in LAW can be sure!
While Alicia gets the benefit of staying laser focused on me and her climb to get to the top, I have to worry about staying there…and I have to worry about someone who thinks they are STILL there! Etsuko has made her presence felt in both of my last two matches, and I have little doubt that she’s licking her chops at the thought of doing it again…but it’s not happening, not a third time! Alicia and I are going to tear the house down, and no one is going to stop that from happening…especially a jealous FORMER Champion who has yet to record a win since the middle of 2017! If she thinks for one solitary moment that she can walk into LAW 76 with Kenzi Grey on the brain…lose to Darlin’ Clementine and STILL get a shot at my title…she’d better get her head examined!
…speaking of shrinks…
If I didn’t have enough to worry about between Etsuko dogging my every step and a marquee matchup with Alicia; I stupidly volunteered to sit in on my wife’s therapy session with her quack doctor, RezDICK! I know that Sarah thinks that these sessions are helping her…that this will be the answer to getting back everything that she lost because of Jacob Hargrave, but it seems like dime store BS to me! Just like Maki thinking she is possessed by a demon, those are just symptoms of a wounded spirit. Shrinks and exorcists aren’t going to help either one of them…gaining the clarity of mind that I have achieved like Roxy Cotton can and will!
I am going to endure this session with Sarah, not because I believe she is actually getting help, but because I know that my presence there with her…the presence of someone who is CLEAR will help her a hell of a lot more than some quack!
I might have a full plate right now with so many things going on in my personal life, but if there is one thing that I am better at than anyone else I know…it’s taking everything that comes my way and seeing it through to the end! I will help Sarah get through her session with her ‘doctor’ the same we that Team Kickass has always gotten through things…as a team!
I will shrug off the negativity of Etsuko as she continues to try to get my attention by sticking her nose in my business! I earned my shot at the LAW Breakout Championship and I took it away from her by climbing the ladder, rung by rung! She has the fast track to having a shot at getting it back, but she can't see the forest for the trees! I’ll show her how a REAL champion conducts herself, and then maybe we can get down to the business of having a proper match for the title she will NEVER get her hands on again!
And last…but certainly not least…I will get down to the very serious business of stepping to one of the most decorated champions that I have ever faced. Alicia Lukas is NOT the woman I want to be facing right now…Etsuko is, but I’ll be damned if I shy away from one of the greatest challenges of my career! I have to prove to the former Breakout Champion that she’s no champion at all, but before I do, it looks like I have to prove; one champion to another, that I am the Champion of Champions for reason!
Alicia Lukas...Greenville, South Carolina…get ready…Kenzi Grey-Lacklan is headed your way...but first, I minor detour...
THE BONGO THE CLOWN SHOW
Featuring Mrs. Smokebottom and Friends!
Featuring Mrs. Smokebottom and Friends!
I watched from the back as Bongo The Clown danced around in a crazy circle as he sang the ‘Bongo The Clown Song’ to a bunch of children that sat in rapt attention. He hopped around and sang about the virtues of brushing twice a day and he crooned about listening to your parents…
…I guess one out of two aint bad…
To be honest, the painted white face gave me the willys, despite the big bright red smile that went from ear to ear. I didn’t like clowns and I didn’t care for kids either, but this was for a good cause, and I had to set the example where I could. I was the LAW Breakout Champion, and by god that meant something to me! Maybe it meant nothing to people like Gabby Camacho and Etsuko who constantly hurled disrespect my way, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me…nothing was!
…nothing except for my fear of clowns…
I looked down at my wife as she sat in her wheelchair OF DOOM, and she looked up at me with pride swelling through her. She mouthed the words; ‘…you will do great…’ then, she patted me on my behind and sent me off through the curtain and into the spotlight…
The roar of the kids frightened me and I nearly jumped right of the lime green dragon costume that I wore. For a moment, I forgot my name…until the children screamed it at me…
“MRS. SMOKEBOTTOM!!”
Wow, I thought to myself; that is probably the worse name that I have ever heard! Who in the hell was writing this stuff? I shook my head as I plastered on a cheery smile and launched into song and dance alongside Bongo The Clown, singing as loud and hard as I possibly could! I was thankful that the kids were singing and the people in the crowd were joining in as well. I wasn’t sure that I had even gotten half the lyrics right…so that was a blessing in the disguise.
I stole a few glances offstage at Sarah as she watched me with the biggest smile on her face that I have ever seen. It made me happy to no end to see her like that. I almost forgot about the woes that we were going through with her weird dreams and my ridiculous secret about AMC. Seeing her so into this was more than I could have ever hoped for, in fact I…
…I paused, for only a beat, I didn’t think Sarah was watching me at all…
I narrowed my eyes and watched her beautiful red irises as they washed over the children all around me. Usually, the two of us made a game out of making fun of children. Our dislike was legendary, along with a certain gif of Sarah tossing a child into a burning pit of fire. The look on her face now had nothing to do with any such jocularity. She was actually enjoying herself, clapping her hands and grinning from ear to fucking ear. She couldn’t move her legs, but her toes were going into overdrive as they peeked out of the front of her Red Bottoms. This seemed like the Twilight Zone to me! As crazy as my life often was, this was something that threw me for a serious loop.
I immediately felt a little pang of regret for feeling that way. Sarah was happy and that was all that mattered. After what she had been through and what she was dealing with, she deserved a bit of sunshine wherever she could find it…though this seemed an odd place for it, given our history. Still, I was done looking the gift horse in the mouth, she was having a great time and in a weird way, so was I…even with the dumb clown hopping all around me. It was therapy of a sort…whether I realized it at the time or not.
As we finished the children all ran up and had hugs for the both of us, though a few of the kids did give me strange sideways glances. I could tell that they were sizing me up and no one was buying that I was really ‘Mrs. Smokebottom.’
Bongo finished and then he turned to me with that spooky clown smile and winked before he addressed the crowd. “KIDS! Old Bongo has a bit of a confession to make to you all today! Mrs. Smokebottom’s contract on the ‘Bongo The Clown Show’ actually ended last week and Mrs. Smokebottom opted to leave the show…and her husband…”
Bongo muttered under his breath, “…lying sack of shit…” He winked at me again, as he continued on. “Mrs. Smokebottom is dead…she’s dead and gone!”
The kids gave out a horrified shriek and even I was a bit unsettled by it. I started to speak up and tell the kids that it okay, but Bongo beat me to the punch.
“Kids, old Bongo brought you guys something that is even better than Mrs. Smokebottom…and after I rip off her head, I am sure that you will all agree!” I was actually stunned into silence until Bongo reached over and forcibly yanked the dragon head off of me. “I BROUGHT YOU THE STAR OF HEXX AND THE LADIES ALL-STAR WRESTLING CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS, KENZI GREY!!”
…at first…there was nothing but stunned silence throughout the soundstage…
Thank goodness Sarah started to clap from just out of the view of everyone, then slowly it started to catch on until the crowd was going, all thoughts of the decapitation of Mrs. Smokebottom forgotten, for a moment. Just to make sure that Bongo had no more surprises in store, I quickly stripped out of what remained of the unfaithful and unscrupulous Mrs. Smokebottom costume. Free of that, I made my way around the circle shaking hands and hugging the children in turn. I smiled just as broadly as I could, especially as I saw Sarah practically beaming. If she could have floated out of the chair, she would have.
I suddenly found myself in the middle of a kiddy apocalypse as I was bombarded with all manner of questions…
“DO YOU REALLY HAVE SUPERPOWERS LIKE ON TELEVISION?!”
“No, I’m just a regular girl, but given the chance I can do extraordinary things!”
“IS WRESTLING REALLY REAL?!”
“Wrestling is 100% real and it is 100% dangerous if you aren’t properly trained! Don’t do what you see on television! If you want to be a wrestler, save your money and find a good school, like the one Alexis Blake runs!”
“DID YOU HELP BONGO KILL MRS. SMOKEBOTTOM?!”
“NO! No I didn’t!”
“WHEN IS HEXX COMING BACK?!”
“The last televised episode will air soon, then you may get to see a movie or a miniseries or two…but…aren’t you too young to be watching Hexx?”
“ARE YOU MARRIED TO A VAMPIRE?!”
“No…no I am not married to a vampire.”
“ARE YOU GONNA BEAT ALICIA LUKAS?!”
“I am going to try my best to win my match against Alicia Lukas. Alicia is a great competitor, so I know it will be a hard fought match for sure!”
“IS YOUR MOM DATING REDD THUNDER?!”
“Errr…next question…”
“IS MAKI REALLY A DEMON?!”
“There are no such things as demons, only people who are…confused.”
“CAN YOU BRING MRS. SMOKEBOTTOM BACK TO LIFE LIKE JESUS DID TO YOU ON TV?!”
“WOW! Look at the time! I really have to go!”
I took a few pictures and signed a few autographs. I hadn’t planned on staying that long, but the producers asked me to…so the kids wouldn’t see Bongo get escorted out of the back after he was caught taking a dump inside Mrs. Smokebottom’s head. Still…all in all…it wasn’t a bad outing. Just nothing I’d be clamoring to do again…ever…
GREY MATTER
Kenzi’s Video Blog
Kenzi’s Video Blog
CHANNEL 29 SOUNDSTAGE
Los Angeles, California
I was glad to be out of the view of the cameras for the ‘Bongo The Clown Show’ and instead centered on one that I felt much more at ease to be in front of. It was nice to spend a bit of time promoting LAW and encouraging the children, but at the end of the day…this was my natural environment. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything other than who I was…Kenzi Grey-Lacklan; Ladies All-Star Wrestling Breakout Champion!
I sighed as I waived to the camera and welcomed my loyal viewers to another episode of Grey Matter. “HI GUYS! Thank you for tuning in, and for those of you who just watched Bongo The Clown, an extra special double thanks for that!” I couldn’t help but to frown, “I’m fairly certain that was the last ever episode of that show…”
I put my arms around myself as I tried to get the image of Bongo squatting and shitting into the dinosaur head costume of his now estranged wife out of my own head. They had dragged him out of that place kicking and screaming like a lunatic. I sighed and refocused my attention on the issues of the day.
“Hey! First things, first! I want to thank everyone who backed me for my last wrestling show were I took on Melissa Aki! I think that I truly did wrestle one of the better matches of my career against her. It was a complete shame that match got ruined by Etsuko, but I am confident that she and I will meet in the ring again.” I balled up my fists as I thought about the reason I was standing here apologizing instead of humbly talking about my victory. “As for Etsuko…she better stop thinking about me and start focusing on her opponent for next Sunday! She might have the Champion of Champions on the brain, but she will be dealing with a hot newcomer.” I smiled, in spite of myself, “I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than losing that match and having LAW reconsider your rematch clause. You think about that long and hard before you consider bringing your behind down to ring when I face Alicia Lukas, okay?”
I could feel that flutter down deep in my belly as I mentioned the name of my next opponent. I was different than when I spoke about others. Yeah, she was a friend, but even more than that, she was every bit the legend that I thought she was. Everyone knew her as a top tier talent, and now I was going to get the chance to show the world that I was top tier as well!
“Next weekend I get to go toe to toe with Alicia Lukas…a woman that I have great admiration for…” I paused as I let that sink in a bit. “…but don’t dare get it twisted! I have admiration for what she has done in the ring and the kind of person that she is outside of it, but at LAW 76, I don’t plan on letting any of that stop me from doing what I need to do against a wrestler of her pedigree! Alicia has been in this game and doing it way better than most people, so facing her is going to be one of the biggest challenges that I can imagine as I try to put my name right alongside hers as one of the greatest to do this in the modern era.”
I thought back to all of the times I saw Alicia on social media touting main event after main event. She always seemed to have a title in hand or around her waist. I didn’t know if she was unbeatable, but it damn sure seemed like if there was anyone at all in this business that could claim that…it was her. “To be the best in this business, you have to beat the best in this business! I have seen countless women come into LAW and lay claim to being the best, only to come up short again and again…then never be heard from afterwards. They were all legends in their own mind…but Alicia Lukas? She’s something special…”
I walked over and plopped down in Bongo’s chair. I had it on good authority that he wasn’t going to be needing it again. I held up my hands, “…and for those of you watching and thinking that I am selling myself short in this match, you can slow your roll on that. I am telling the truth, as I see it. Alicia is probably the best around, and I am going to get the chance to say that I am just as good after I face her in Greenville next weekend…face her…and beat her.”
I didn’t want to sound cocky, I just wanted to sound confident. Alicia had sent me more than a few tweets this week showing me her impressive workout routine…no doubt looking to put me on notice. I had responded back with a few silly pictures of me eating grapes and making a general mockery of anything to do with match preparation, but behind all the silliness, I was getting ready…whether she realized it or not.
“I want people to know why I am showing Alicia respect, instead of standing here and disrespectfully running her down. I am not Gabby Camacho, I don’t have to make up facts in an attempt to bury people before I face them. I call a spade a spade, and then I go out to that ring and I proceed to do what I have done better than any other singles champion over the course of the last few months…I perform…not with my mouth, but with heart, skill, and determination!” I smile at the mention of the LAW Champion, a woman I had apparently embarrassed so badly that all she could talk about was me, no matter who she was facing. That made me happy…that made me proud. “I am showing Alicia the respect that she deserves because she is in a position that I want…and I will take next Sunday! I respect the hell out of her for what she has done, and one day when someone else is coming into this business…” I glanced over to where the children were being led out of the building, “…maybe one of those kids, I want them to look back at me and I want them to see me like I see Alicia now. I want them to see Kenzi Grey-Lacklan as a force in this business to be admired…to be respected…and then to be eclipsed!”
I sit forward, lacing my fingers together as I stare right into the camera, right at Alicia. I knew she would be watching and I hoped that she would be hanging on my every word. “Alicia, I meant every word, and I also mean these words that I am about to speak…” I cleared my throat, I didn’t want my voice cracking. “Welcome to Ladies All-Star Wrestling and congratulations on winning your debut match. I don’t think that anyone doubted that you would win for a moment…except maybe Bordy herself. I never doubted it for a second. I have seen you work and I know what you bring to the table. I know who you are, I know where you have been, and I know what you have done. You don’t have anything to prove to me…except that you can beat me. Maybe you think you can, but thinking you can and actually doing it…those are to vastly different things.”
I took a deep breath, sitting back as I folded my arms over my chest. “I don’t call myself the Champion of Champions because it sounds nice…I call myself the Champion of Champions because that is what I know I am! That is what I became when I defeated the Chaos Champion, the Marquee Champion, and the LAW Champion! I flipped the script and I changed the rules in a single night…but now you are here to change the landscape…if I let you.” I grinned at the thought, “I’m not going to let you.”
“I know you fought hard as hell to get where you are and I know that at LAW 76 you will fight just as hard to get to where you want to be! You want to be where I am…no, not a champion…THE Champion! If there is one person on this roster, with the exception of the Cool Kids who can do it, I would say that it’s you. It’s you all day long Alicia…but it’s not today…and it’s not next Sunday either! Next Sunday is going to be MY day! It is going to be the day that I take the very next step in my evolution as a competitor in this business!”
“I hope that when the dust clears and it is all said and done that you will look at me the same way I look at you. I see you for what you are…300 pounds of ass kicking poured into a 150 pound bag! I fought my heart out last show and I was forced to leave the ring with nothing to show for it. I’ll be damned if I do that a second time…I’ll be damned if I miss another chance to show someone I respect just how good I really am!” I stood up and blew a kiss to the camera. “I’ll be seeing you soon Alicia…I’ll be seeing you real soon!”
EPILOGUE...
THE RED QUEEN
Hours Later…
Sarah was all smiles as she squeezed Kenzi’s hand. She normally hated her sessions with Dr. Reznik, as the old man made her face fears and realities about herself that she tried hard to ignore, but this one was different. The day had been wonderful, if difficult. The filming for the ‘Bongo The Clown Show’ had been loads of fun, far more than she thought it would have been. Even after spending the morning being the big star, Kenzi made time to massage Sarah’s feet on the ride away from the studio, which still caused bolts of electricity to fill every part of her body that she could feel. They had lunch with Terri, Kenzi’s Scientology advisor, which was a far more pleasant experience than she had expected. Kenzi being there for Sarah’s physical therapy was as if Team Kickass was firing on all cylinders again. And while she could FEEL Kenzi’s aversion for psychiatry as an institution, she did not mind it; after all, she was pretty sure that Kenzi could feel her own aversion for some of the practices of Scientology, but also appreciated her earnest attempts for them to come together in all things…
___________________________
I took a deep breath as I sat beside Sarah and she SKYPED her ‘doctor.’ As the man’s face popped up on the screen, I felt my stomach turn…not only at the thought if his quackery, but there was something about him that I just plain didn’t care for. I just wanted to get through this, then she and I could finally rest up after having such a full day.
“And how do you feel, Madam?” The skeletal doctor on the other side of the computer had his face down as he wrote notes, as per usual according to what Sarah had told me of the man.
“Fantastic, Sir. Perhaps better than I have ever since the accident.” She squeezed my hand. “I am blessed with the greatest partner in the history of forever. My friends are all doing well. Even Roxanne, who has been remarkably charitable lately…”
She paused when she heard me swallow a laugh. She looks at me with a questioning expression, but my face was full of innocence by the time she got a good look in my direction. I could tell that she thought she had simply misheard. “Um…anyway…and I followed your advice and started blogging again. In the spirit of ‘be who I am, not who I was,’ I have been offering insight on matches and such, and it makes me feel better. So…yes…I believe that ‘fantastic’ is the correct word.”
“Interesting.” The scratching of the pen is maddening, and I start to see how irritating it is. “And how have you been doing with the temper issues we have discussed?”
Sarah’s face darkens a bit. She looks off to the side, red eyes finding anything to look at. I can tell that what she says next is far from the exact truth. “Perfectly fine.”
The pen never stops scratching. “No lies in here, Madam.”
Sarah grumbles to herself and I am equally glad that RezDICK can see the lie as well. “Somewhat fine.” She looks back towards the computer. “By keeping off social media, I have been able to not pick any fights or drag people, so there is no issue there. I’m sure my blogs have gotten some reaction, but since I’m not there to engage, it has not been a problem. But…well…there WAS an incident on Sunday…”
“Yes?”
“Well…you see…” She looks at me with wide eyes, and I am suddenly struck as I rack my brain to remember what could have happened that day. We were in Washington D.C. for LAW 75. “Oh, Beloved! I completely forgot to tell you! It slipped my mind in all the excitement of planning your MLK Day celebration.”
She turns back towards the computer. “That Melissa Aki woman we have spoken of? You know, the raging whore?” She does her best to ignore my sudden frown. “Well, she did what all wrestlers do; she told me a lie in order to get a reaction out of me. See, in the guise of Daniela…you would LOVE this part, Doctor; she goes into a complete dissociative state whenever she needs to do something bad and develops a second personality…she told me that my Beloved had been intimate with someone within our general circle. And, to my shame, I let it get to me. I mean, I KNOW it was a falsehood, and I knew THEN it was a falsehood, but I still snapped and tried to ram into her with Lorraine.”
…my mouth instantly goes dry…but I say nothing as she continues…
“I know that I shouldn’t let it get to me, but I couldn’t help it. Her constant little jabs at me annoy me and…well…I snapped. I need to do better.” She turns to me and I am frozen. “Isn’t that crazy, Beloved? Melissa telling me that you slept with Ashley Marie Chase in Vegas. I mean, the lie worked, since she seems to get under my skin so easily for some reason, but you would think she would have come up with a more believable lie than that!”
The color drains from my face and I know everyone sees it, even the boney and hateful Dr. Reznick who stops his scratching and looks at me through the computer screen…waiting for an answer. I swallow as I turn to Sarah, my stomach twisting into hard knots. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. Should I lie? Should I not? My first instinct was to pretend not to know what she was talking about, but…that felt worst…it felt cheap and not at all like the foundation our relationship had been built on. I swallowed my pride down, just the way she probably did when she told me about her dreams.
“Baby…I…I don’t want to lie to you. AMC…well…she…” I looked over at RezDICK, wishing he wasn’t here. I looked back at Sarah. “Can we go somewhere…private?”
Sarah's eyes go wide for a moment and her mouth opens in surprise. "Um...uh..." She reaches over and shuts off the computer quickly without saying a word to her psychiatrist, cutting off the signal. "Mackenzie?"
I drop my head as I speak, unable to meet her eyes. “I feel like a piece of shit. You have been so understanding of my jealousy over your dumb dreams…but I don’t deserve it. I…I…” I sigh as I look up into her lovely red eyes. I hated the way they were looking at me now, but I knew I deserved it. “AMC told me how she got our marriage annulled. She…she had a video of the two of us together in Vegas…when Colin and I were supposed to be on our honeymoon.”
I sighed, feeling the weight come off, but still feeling terrible all the same. “She told me a few weeks ago…she asked me not to tell you. I think…maybe she was afraid of what your reaction might be. But…I’m the one you should be mad at…not her…not Maki.” I wanted to cry, but it wouldn’t have mattered even if I did.
Sarah’s eyes move back and forth rapidly, the tell that I knew well which meant she was thinking about what she had heard from multiple perspectives. "...wait..." She licks her lips. "Ashley Marie Chase...the woman who spent the better part of six months passively-aggressively trying to convince me to invite her into a threesome with us..." She shakes her head slowly. "...a few weeks ago..." Her hands beginning to shake violently. "...a...few...WEEKS...ago?"
She holds up a finger to keep me from answering, a finger which shakes so bad that it seems as if she might well be wagging it. "...why..." She licks her lips again. "...why did I hear it FIRST...from the woman who wants to fuck you?"
I wanted to scream that Maki was just my friend, there was no sexual attraction between us, but that wasn’t the point. I had no right to defend myself. All I can do is shake my head, eyes not wanting to meet hers. “I was upset…I had no right to be, but I was.” I hated the fact that I had hurt her, but this was as good a time as any to unburden my soul. “After your…accident, I did everything right. I stayed by your side and I kept the faith. I knew one of two things would happen…you’d come back to me…or…I’d follow you into the Dark.”
A favorite saying of ours, but there was truth in those words. A powerful truth that I had dared not lend voice to…until now.
“I thought…that maybe you wouldn’t come back to me for a time…and I made peace with that. I made peace with the fact that without you, there was no me. I resigned myself to that fate…but…when you came back…GOD…I knew that you came back for me!” I smiled, despite the situation as I was reminded of that day that she opened her eyes again. “I knew that you would walk through Hell to be with me…just like I was ready to leave this world to be with you…no matter where the path led. All I wanted to do was to be with you…all the time…to show you how much you meant to me…but…"
I swallowed, not really wanting to say the rest. “…maybe you didn’t come back for me at all…maybe…" Tears did fall this time and I was ashamed of them. I had no right to be hurt, but I was. I couldn’t help it. “…maybe your dreams…about the others…the dreams about Mil, Roxy, Angie…all of them…maybe it just means…” I stood up, walking away and wrapping my arms around myself. “…this is about what I did, not what you want to do. I’m…sorry…I shouldn’t have kept the secret. I…I was just hurt…hurt and angry.”
“THEY ARE JUST DREAMS!” I flinch as I look over at her. I could see her whole body shaking as she tried to get up out of her chair. “JUST. FUCKING. DREAMS.”
Angry tears stream down her face and she doesn’t bother to try to stop them. She runs her hands through her platinum hair, yanking on the braid that took so long to make just perfect. She heaves in deep breaths for a moment. I can see how hard she is trying to control herself.
“...please come back…” Her voice is no more than a whisper. “...I can’t walk to you…”
My feet feel like they are made of lead as I turn and make my way over to her. I couldn’t remember a time when I had been more ashamed. I knelt down beside her, eyes unable to even look at her. “Sarah…I know they are just dreams…I know I should have told you about Vegas…I know all of these things.” I shrug. “I’m stupid…and I’m sorry.”
Sarah reaches up and grabs me by the side of my head, each hand full of braids, and yanks my head up, forcing me to look her in the eye. "Shit up!" She breathes hard, the tears coming to an end but still burning on her cheeks.
"From the moment we wed, I have not even LOOKED at another woman. Don't you get that? Don't you see how much you changed me?! Fuck, Ken! I didn't even want to play our Article 4 games anymore! You are my light in the dark. All I ever want or need. My reason and path for coming back." Her eyes well with tears again, ready to fall into her lap, hot and wet.
"Do you trust me?"
My own eyes burn with tears. “Of course I do! I trust you…I love you!”
All of that was true, that and so much more. Before…I had trust issues, built up over a lifetime of neglect, but Sarah had changed all of that. Not overnight, but she had changed it. She didn’t realize it, but I had to fake being jealous, just so she’d know that I loved her and only her. Trust was not the issue.
“Baby, I know you love me…but maybe…maybe there is a part of you that wishes for something different…something more.”
Sarah stares, her eyes moving quickly. A tear slips past her defenses and she takes her hands away from my head with a struggle, ultimately letting them fall into her lap…just as I predicted. "I will never lie to you again. Not after...not after New York. You are everything. Everything I want. Today has been magical. Everything...but..."
She lets her eyes drop away from mines and bites down on her lip to stop herself.
“I shouldn’t have held the truth from you…I should have told you how I felt…but…” I shrug, wiping at my face. “…you have dealt with so much, adding my insecurities to it hardly seemed fair.”
Sarah is silent for a long moment, taking the time to breathe in deeply and slowly, calming herself. “Three things.” She nods to herself. “One...do you swear that you didn’t remember about your time with Ashley until she told you? I will believe you if you say that this is new information.”
I shook my head. "No Sarah! I swear!" I was drunk and drugged out of my mind that night. I had no clue about any of it. "AMC has some video, but she wouldn't let me see it. She claims she'll get rid of it. I have no reason to doubt her."
Sarah nods her head as she studies her lap. “I believe you. And I don't hold any ill will about her time with her. I mean, we both know how...bad...I was when I was like that.” She pauses a moment. “Second...will you please tell Melissa to not call you 'babe' or 'baby' ever again?"
I smile at this. Thankful for it. "I will ask...if you ask that man in UGWC podcast to stop feeding you skinned grapes!"
Sarah can't help but laugh at that, at the silliness of Donovan Hastings. But her face turns serious when she looks up and meets my eyes. "Thirdly. I have been kinda keeping something from you, too." She looks away for a moment and shrugs. "Mostly because I can't do anything about it for a while, but..."
She looks back up and nods again. "When I am back to...well...as good as I can be? When I am walking again? I want a baby."
This stuns me into silence...shocked muted silence. Instantly, all the hurt was forgotten...replaced by...something else. I stood up and paced away, then turned and stared at her, waiting...hoping that she was joking. "Sarah...? SARAH!!" I could feel myself getting angry, but I couldn't understand why.
Sarah's face falls as she watches me pace and then recoils as I screamed her name. "I'm...um...I'm sorry..."
"I'm not...not mad...not really...I..." I shook my head...it matched my shaking hands. It all made sense now as I thought back to how she looked at those kids at the Bongo Show. I still needed to inject some common sense into the conversation. "We are 20 years old...only 20! What in the fuck are we going to do with a kid? WE ARE STILL KIDS!" I stop as I catch myself yelling again. "I'm sorry..." I sigh, "What about your career?"
Sarah stares at me blankly for a moment. "Career?" She looks down at her lap, at the legs she can't feel. "Career?!" She looks back up and her eyes are wide.
"MY CAREER IS OVER!"
Her hands begin shaking violently again and she fights to control her voice. "Mackenzie...I may never RUN again! How am I supposed to FIGHT?!" She looks away and waves one of her shaking hands dismissively. "Forget I brought it up. It's stupid."
I take her hands, holding them. "Is that what Rezdick is teaching you? To fucking give up? IS HE?!" That quack was a piece of shit! "Sarah, you can do anything....ANYTHING AT ALL! You just have to see it and start to realize it!" I look down at her chair and shake my head. "If you are confined to this thing for the rest of your days, I will be happy to be right here with you...but I know that this isn't how your legacy is meant to end...and I also know that a child is not in your immediate future either! You owe it to yourself to try....TO FUCKING TRY! Don't accept this...don't accept what Rezdick tells you is possible!"
Sarah shuts her eyes and squeezes my hands. "...it’s so hard Ken..." She shakes my hands slowly. "...every time all the stretching helps me feel me more...I'm just in so much pain..."
All I can do is hug and hold her. "Okay...I get it Baby. I really do. I am with you...whatever you want to do. I'm there for you."
She shakes as fresh tears fall, the jumble and change of emotions over the last few minutes just as hard for her to handle or control as my own. "...to make you proud...and happy...that is what I want to do..."
"Baby, you do that just by being you. That is all I want...just be you."
Sarah nods into my body, hands clenching tight. This revelation was one that I was wholly unprepared for. I was glad to have our issues out in the open, but this…this was more than I bargained for…especially as I turned my focus to the next great challenge; taking down a woman I damn near idolized…