#CoolRankings Feb 9, 2018 23:29:57 GMT -5
Post by hotgoths on Feb 9, 2018 23:29:57 GMT -5
Stop what you’re doing!
Stop what you’re chewing!
Tell that whore Magdalena to stay away from my mom!
You are about to experience the single most BADASS thing you have seen in, like, forever! And how/what/why?
ITS #COOLRANKINGS TIME!
For those who do not know, one of the projects I have taken on with the MASSIVE amount of free time I have on my hands since I embarked on the Wheelchair OF DOOM~! Diaries is hooking up with a few of my penniless paupers and cranking out some in-depth analysis of the Sport of the Gods that is professional wrestling. Now, this isn’t some biased piece of snarky crap like some other things you might have come across. Oh no, no no. This is science, bitch! Now, my INTERPRETATION of the numbers might well come across a TOUCH bias, so fair warning!
Here’s what we at #CoolRankings have done:
- A draw gets you one point (that bullshit “no contest” stuff doesn’t count...sorry, Jessika!)
- A win gets you two points
- A championship win gets you three points
So! Lets break down ALLLLLLLLL of 2017 and see who the Top 10 (or 11, in this case) came down to:
|#9 (tie)||Amarai Reilly||12|
|#9 (tie)||Maria Salvatore||12|
|#9 (tie)||Sam Tolson||12|
|#6||Sarah Selena Lacklan||15|
|#1 (tie)||Amy Jo Smyth||28|
|#1 (tie)||Gabby Camacho||28|
|#1 (tie)||Boardwalk Angels||28|
So, let's break this down a bit for some notes, huh?
- Amarai and Tolson both ended up in the Top Ten because of their title defenses. Amarai didn't have too many matches this year, and Tolson had TONS, but only won 5 of her 17, but two of those were defenses. And Maria...well...lets just say that when you wrestle every card of the year, you just HAVE to end up on here somewhere, right? Well, unless you're Kayla, anyway
- Speaking of losers who only got here by sheer numbers....Fatso Kate! Queen Tubs-A-Lot took 9 Ls (I gave her 2!) across the year, but her 2-week Chaos Title reign helped bring her into the list.
- Dear, sweet Angelica had a KILLER time in LAW! She only dropped one match when teaming with Ashley and did great in singles competition, too! But I guess we're just cancers!
- Speaking of cancers...I'M ON THE LIST! I was only here for, like, six months, and took down just about everything in front of me with 7 wins...including over the champ, no matter WHAT narrative got pushed
- Katalina Star did AWESOME across the year! Edging me out with 16 points, Kat used her whips and chains and was able to avoid all of the no contests that Jessika fell victim to. Of course, part of this is that she fought the Dynasty 27 times, but it is what it is!
- Oh! Oh! CANCER ALERT! #CoolKid...Kenzi Grey! 25 hawt damn points! Here's the dealio: I told EVERYONE that this was NOT the 2016 Kenzi who laid down for everyone and that, instead, this was the 2017 Kenzi who was with me and was ready to dominate. And my Beloved did! Interesting note: Kenzi had 12 victories...which was as many losses as both Tolson and Kayla!
- Amy Jo and Gabby had a KILLER year. Mind you, Gabby took three times the Ls that Amy Jo did (including that one from me!), but winning Queen of the Ring AND the title from Amy Jo makes up for that. The two dominated in most respects, even IF no one gave a flying fuck about Amy Jo vs. MacRo AT ALL.
- Holy fuck the Boardwalk Angels! I included them as a unit in this because A). There was only one or two matches all year where they were not together and B). Lets face it, they are basically the same person. Like, one is kinda-sorta not a douche and the other is kinda-sorta a douche. And that's it. N-E-Way, from their debut vignette about coming to town to beating the champs to their BIGGEST accomplishment, defeating Team Kickass, the Angels DOMINATED the whole damned fed. Such a shame that they routinely align themselves with trash like Leinart, Millar, and Jones...all three of which didn't crack the Top Ten!
So, there it is! 2017 by the numbers, without any crying about mythical things like "pushes," "narratives," or "logical and/or engaging booking."
Peace out, my bitches!