Post by Nyako on Aug 22, 2015 21:36:23 GMT -5
Personal Blog 08/22/15 – 5:36 pm
I have been wracking my brain over the past month plus thinking about what I wanted to say to you when it came time for our match. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to call you out for all the low down dirty shit you have done to me over the first half of this year as you tried to weasel your way into the Marquee Title picture.
I thought about just telling you exactly how I would take you apart in the ring during Queen of the ring. How I planned to put your husband in his place if her stepped out of line. Also despite whatever you through at me it wouldn’t be enough to stop me from doing what I did the first time we fought.
Hell I even thought about dragging the old tried and true cliché ridden speech about how now one has given me respect since coming into LAW and that with each time I step in the ring with whomever I would show them why I should be respected and why I’m at the position I am in this company. I want to show them that I am the measuring stick here and just because I have what most feel is the second tier title, doesn’t mean I’m a second tier champ.
Yet when I saw what you had to say Steele you pushed all that out of my mind. You took the honest route and came clean about things I decided to do the same. I just hope you can forgive me for not being so willing to take the olive branch you seem to be offering.
Sure I could play the card you’re probably saying all that stuff to get me to lower my defenses so you can deliver a whammy to me, but in all honesty I don’t see that in your words. What you said was genuine. Too little too late for me, but genuine never the less.
Everything you said doesn’t make up for the hell you put me through over the first part of the year. As much as I believe everything you said, and believe you are going in this match to give me an honest and clean fight. It doesn’t erase everything else that has happened between us and it’s far from erasing any of it.
I want to say I’m can be the bigger woman and forgive and forget about what happened and like in due time I might do that, just like you said. But as for now All I can see is the pain you put me through. The cheap shots, the name calling, the venom spewed from you. Yes I know I am guilty of the same but really it was all in retaliation. I never wanted to pick a fight with you, hell I didn’t want to pick a fight with anyone. I just wanted to prove show after show what I had to offer.
But no you had it in your little mind to just keep picking at me and mine. Yes I understand it was because you felt you needed to do something to get back to where you once were and you figured the best way was to bully your way into things. Don’t think I forgot how you bullied your way into the Marquee Title picture in the first place last year around this time. I fought my way into the hunt while you insisted on getting a shot.
Again I understand your reasoning behind it, but I don’t agree with it or the tactics you took toward it. You badgered, pestered, attacked Gabby to force her to face you and when she did and beat you, you still went t it again, until she got you a second time. But that wasn’t enough for you to learn your lesson. You did the same exact thing to me. Demanding you deserved a shot when all you were doing was losing matches left and right. But no you felt entitled to it. You had to have something to make you feel your self worth. By hook or by crook.
See to me that was when you should have had your come to Jesus moment that you seem to be having now Steele. You saw how acting like an entitled little bitch got you nothing but friends who would turn on you in a heartbeat when you didn’t serve a purpose anymore. But you pushed on with it for the past 8 months. Hell I’m not even sure if it wasn’t the fact I dropped you on your head that made you realize what you were doing was just stupid.
Let me give you some food for thought though. You’ve seen the hell I’ve been going through with my family since coming to LAW yet I never once strayed from the path I started on. No matter what shit had been thrown t me or what has transpired around me. I continued to do things the same way I set out to do them. Hell if I lost my bid for the Marquee Title, I wouldn’t have instantly tried to force Gabby to give me another shot. I didn’t throw a tantrum when I lost out on my bid to become Queen of the Ring last year. I kept going the same way each and every day and in each and every match. Win or lose I didn’t lose who I was, I stayed true to myself. Unlike what you said happened. I don’t know why you felt you had to become the person you did because dam, you have the talent to get back to where you were once. But you seemed to just throw it all away for what you thought was an easy fix.
You just as much said you set your eyes on the Marque title cause you thought it was an easy mark. You figured you con your way into fighting for it and take it to get to the mountain top. What you forgot though the mountain top is what you make it. You were constantly looking for a way to regain what you had lost, while I made the best of what I had and was damn happy for it.
I hold the Marquee Title as a badge of honor. Like you said I’m the longest reigning champ in LAW and I did that because I made holding this mean something. I never looked at this belt as a stepping stone for the World Title because for me this was the world title. In my eye I made this belt mean more in LAW than any other belt. You don’t see me demanding Mine to give me a title shot at the World Title, not because I don’t think I can beat her because I have proven that twice. But to me this has been the gold standard in LAW.
And that right there might be the main reason I find it hardtop just forgive and forget Steele. Because I need to see it from you, that this title means as much to you as the World title would. You have said all the right things, but I’m not sure if you believe them, or you think that's what you should be saying. If you are willing to go through hell tomorrow with me for this belt and leave everything in the ring like you said you would. Only then would I believe you’ve turned the page in your life. But if you don’t bring you’re A game, I’ll know you’re just full of it.
I’m still Marquee champ because I want to be not because I need to be to validate myself. Prove to me, the same can be applied to you.
August 22, 2015
Late Night Downtown
Boston, MA
Late Night Downtown
Boston, MA
I won’t lie. I haven’t been too focused on things in LAW too much for the past month or so. With everything going on in my personal life, sometimes I wondered if I should just give up the Marquee Title so I could deal better with the situations. Each time those thoughts creep into my head though a little voice tells me that is not what your sisters would want for you.
I wanted to be more active in the dealings with Senji but I had promised not only Oni, but everyone else that I would focus on Steele. Sure what was going on with her over the past half year paled in the grand scheme of things with Senji, Oni, Song, and Alex but was the only part I had full control over.
“Yo babe. What’s eatin’ ya?” Maleek asked me as we drove to our meeting with Syn. “You hadn’t said one word since I picked you up. You makin’ a brotha think he’s doin’ sumthin’ wrong.” He said with a slight smirk on his face.
I look out the window as dusk began to fall in Boston. “I need you to back off of Steele.”
“Come again?” He asked.
“The shit you’ve been saying to Steel. I need you to end it.” I take a big sigh. “What ever garbage you and Todd been yammering about. Just end it.”
“Her by started the shit. Hell I’m just sticking up for what’s mine. Plus it ain’t like she hadn’t been taking pot shots at you before. You need to get Twitter so you can see the shit that’s being said.”
“That’s the very fucking reason I don’t do things like that. People say shit they regret later but it’s already out there. Plus I get enough of the smack talk in the interviews people give regarding me. I don’t need to see a constant loop of their vemon 24/7.” I told him.
The whole situation was getting under my skin. As I said before I had enough family drama going on outside f LAW I didn’t need things brewing on that end either. I knew Maleek was ‘defending me’ like he said, but the juvenile bullshit was getting too much. I saw some of the things being thrown around by him and Todd when I met with Syn earlier in the week and it was way overboard.
“Fine whatever.” He said.
I could tell I hit a sore spot with him and it wasn’t my intention, but last thing I wanted was to give Steele ammo going into our match. Hell she practically said she was going to use what Maleek said about her to motivate her to go after me harder. Granted I felt it was pretty week to depend on the words of a third party to psyche yourself up but it was a still something I didn’t want happening.
“Look, I’m sorry Maleek. It’s just I don’t need her to gain any advantage over me. She already threw me off by saying she wanted to have a clean match…”
“And you believed that shit babe? Hell bet Steele did that on purpose to throw you off. She’s trying to get in your head. She knows when people disrespect you, you use that as extra motivation to prove them wrong. She she’s trying some of that reverse psychology bull or sumthin’.”
Funny thing was that thought had crossed my mind. That was the first thing I thought when I saw hat she had to say. I was thinking she’s just trying to get me to drop my guard just so she and her stooge husband could steal the Marquee Title from me. But as I watched her promo, I got the sense everything she had said what on the up and up.
“I’m not getting that feeling form her. I think she was being genuine about what she said.” I mention to him.
He gave me a look as if to say I must have been high or suffering from brain damage. “You got to be kidding me. She’s playing you. She’s done nothing but antagonize you time and time again, trying hard to shake you and yet nothing. She tried to rig the match, nothing from you. She tried to blindside you for the 3rd time, you end up dropping her instead, but then walked away like it was nothing. She tried to do everything in her power to help Drew beat you, and yet you came out on top. Every single time, you’ve come out smelling like roses and she manure. But now she supposedly decided to turn over a new leaf you believe this hood rat? Ny, I thought you were smarter than that.”
The condescending tone in his voice made my heart speed up a little as I clenched my teeth. Here was the man I chose to be with, now treating me like a child who can’t decide for herself. It was the same way Oni tried to play things with me regarding Senji and even then it left a bad taste in my mouth, and she was family.
“Fuck you Maleek. I’m not some weak ass bitch you need to protect. The sooner you realize that, the better things will be! I’m growing sick and bucking tired of everyone treating me like some damn child who can’t make my own decisions. Oni does it, Syn does it, my long lost bastard of a brother does it, hell practically Kate did the same thing when she forced the rematch. Now it’s you. I’m amazed I’ve made it this far in life without people telling me what to do or how I should think.”
I turn my head in his direction and snarl at him. “You know what stop the car. I’ll walk the rest of the way.”
“Babe, I didn’t…”
“Stop the fucking car now!”
As soon as he slowed down the car enough, I jumped out of it and slammed the door. I caught him by surprise when I didn’t wait for it to come to a complete stop.
“Babe, get back in the car. Ny, come on girl. Get back in the car. Let’s talk this shit out.” He said trying to coax me back into the vehicle but I ignored him and walked fast down the street.
He kept pace with me for awhile until he either got the hint or fed up and drove on ahead.
________________________________________________________________________
As I walked toward the restaurant all I could think about how much easier my life would have been if I had never answered the phone more than a year ago.
I was starting to regret getting out of the car as my high heels started to kill me. This was one of the main reasons I hated going to things like this but Syn insisted we do it on the eve of my title defense. Probably trying to make up for the fact she didn’t tell me she was connected to the Russian mob. Gran ted it wasn’t something you just blurt out to people but still you would think all this time I’ve known her, I would have found out by now.
I started to wonder if anyone else in CTN knew or was it a secret she had kept hidden all this time until she felt it was necessary to bring it up. Whatever the case was, it still proved my point about what I said to Maleek before I got out of the car. People constantly treating me like I was dumb or not worthy of regard.
That’s kind of what Kate made me feel like earlier in the day when I saw her promo. I knew her intention was for that, but that’s how it came across. That no matter what went on before it wasn’t until now she actually viewed me as a real threat. IT took her the better part of a year to stop trying to get over on me and actually decide to fight me on a level playing field. Granted it was funny this revelation came after the fact she appointed her husband the ref for the match but she swore he would call it fairly.
It was part of the reason I shot down the idea Syn had of demanding Bliss made Maleek the special enforcer during the match. Syn felt I needed to have my back watched because the mean old Steele and Todd would take advantage of me. Haven’t I proven time and time again over this past year I rise to the challenge when obstacles are set before me. Yet every time people always seem to want to ‘protect me’ from them so the precious flower doesn’t get hurt.
I grew up mostly on the streets having to fend for myself and not needing protection. Hell for the first half of my life I had been the one doing the protecting and not visa versa. My first real taste of being protected was when Songs folks took me in for all those years. And yes it did feel good but even then I felt I could still do on my own when I need to. Part of the reason I left, and partly because I didn’t want to have my bad juju rub off on Song either. But still to this day I can’t seem to escape the protection of others whether I need it or not.
A car pulled up next to me as I continued my way to the restaurant.
“Ny, why don’t you get in? Ms. Syn and Raheem are worried about you.” The deep Russian accent came wafting out of the open window.
“For the love of god. You now? When will you people realize I’m fine. I don’t need to be coddled. I’m not some delicate egg or something.” I snap.
I stopped on the sidewalk glaring into the car and the big Russian behind the wheel.
“Yes you are a big girl, but you are also ½ hour late too.” Boris said giving my a sly smirk.
He noticed I was shivering a bit as I forgot to grab my jacket out of the car before I jumped out. The night air was a bit nippy for an August night. The last thing I needed to do was catch a cold before the match.
I reluctantly opened the car door and slid into the passenger’s seat. “I’m only doing this because I’m cold and hungry. Not because I needed fucking rescuing.” I snarl.
Boris just snorted and pulled away from the curb and toward my destination. Even though the car ride wasn’t long, it gave him more than enough time to say his piece to me.
“I understand where you are coming from. Ms. Syn is the same way. In fact she was less than pleased when her father insisted I become her bodyguard.”
I looked t him with a cocked brow. “You’re part of the …”
“More or less. I’m really more so the hired muscle and personal errand boy for Ms. Syn.”
I snorted at the idea of Boris being an errand boy for Syn, but I knew about some of the things she sent him to do.
“The point is though that he didn’t do it because he felt she couldn’t take care of herself. Hell she got to where she was in CTN without people knowing who her family was for the most part. But it was just added insurance having me around.”
“Yeah well I don’t see how that applies to me. Every time I turn round it seems someone is telling me what to do, how to do it, what I need to know and don’t know for my own protection. Who I need watching my back, hell even when I need to defend my belt. I’m growing sick of it. I’ve made it this far in life without people holding my hand. Why the hell must they do it now? For fuck sake Eva didn’t even have to put up wit this.”
“That’s a tale for another time. But let’s just say things were different in her case.”
I wave off his comment. “Yeah I know the story. But still I’ve proven I’m just as tough as her and have had more to deal with than her but I’m the one treated with kid gloves and looked down upon.”
I could see Boris wanted to say something but didn’t, or t least didn’t know how without ticking me off.
“Part fo the reason is because Syn knew what was coming.”
I looked at him puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“He contacts in the family told her about your brother. She had been trying hard to keep you out of things. That’s one reason she told you she would handle things but well when he made his more before anyone realized what he was doing, and then the stuff with Oni…”
At first I was shocked by what he said, but that gave way to anger, which slowly settled into a bit of comprehension. “Wait you mean to tell me…”
Boris shrugged his shoulders slightly. “You didn’t hear anything from me. I just thought you needed to understand bit more why things have gone like they have.”
As we pulled into the parking lot, plenty of thoughts ran through my mind. I still couldn’t get them all in focus yet, but things started to clear up a bit. Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing was a different matter.
________________________________________________________________________
I entered the restaurant and the hostess guided me to the table Syn and Maleek were occupying, seemingly in deep conversation. As I approached they broke off their dialog and both gave me unconvincing smiles. I knew something was up but didn’t want to press the issue just yet.
Maleek got up out of his seat and pulled my chair out for me and pushed it back in when I sat down and retook his chair. The waiter came by to take my drink order but all I asked for was a club soda. I looked back and forth between yn and Maleek as I could see tension brewing there.
“So, tell me about your mob family.” I asked Syn, trying to break the silence or at least the tension at the table.
Syn seemed to forget about what she was arguing with Maleek about and looked at me wide eyed. The waiter who heard the last part of my question quickly dropped off my soda and left the table.
“I don’t think this is the time nor place to discuss things of that nature My dear.” She said, trying to end the conversation before it could even get started.
“Well obviously you two won’t tell me what you were heatedly talking about so I figured I’d broach the subject of something you might be willing to talk about, seeing as you just put it out there a month or so ago. And seeing as we are eating dinner together and have more than enough time to talk about it, why not now?”
Maleek smirked at Syn, who seemed lost for words which was something that didn’t happen often. I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face to though jut so he didn’t think he was off the hook.
“Don’t think what happened in the car is done and over with Maleek. I just figured for right now I like some answers from my dear old manager. But your time will come. OH nd by he way too the both of you. I’m going to my match alone tomorrow. I don’t need you…” I said looking at Maleek, “…or you…” turning toward Syn to have my back tomorrow. I won the title on my own and will retain it on my own. And if by some chance Steel beats me for it at least I know I lost it on my own. Because contrary to popular belief I can take care of myself.”
I could see both wanting to protest but I waved the waiter back over to take our orders. Maybe it was me trying to shove them I could control things on my terms and maybe it was petty, but for the rest of the night they were going to see how capable I was of handling things for myself. And if they didn’t learn tonight they would definitely be witness to it tomorrow. After that, then it was on to Family business.