Post by Kenzi Grey on Aug 22, 2016 7:39:45 GMT -5
OOC: The personal thoughts of Kenzi Grey from her personal diary (this is only her inner musings and is completely off-camera):
I spent a wonderful day in Las Vegas with Parker yesterday and last night. It was really nice to finally let all thecrap SHIT (I promised Parker that I’d stop cursing, but that’s only for social media...I can write SHIT all I want here) that has been surrounding me lately fall to the wayside. When Amy Jo found out that I was coming out here and who I was coming with she was quick to remind me of the circles that Parker ran in…particularly his closeness with Kate Bass and Jamilyn Cornett. I understand her concern about this, I really do…if I was the same person with the same feelings I had months ago, I’d be concerned as well…but that’s just no longer the case. Amy Jo and everyone else think that I am a normal person with normal emotions, but I'm not...not anymore. I’m pretty much a blank slate right now and I’m doing anything I can to make something stick. Right now...it's all pretty much jealousy and anger that I truly recognize, but maybe there can be something more...
Parker makes me laugh…he is really very funny and very sweet. I appreciate those qualities in him. After his previous relationships, I know he has ‘expectations’ of me…but honestly, that is secondary to him being funny and him being supportive of me. I don’t need sex to sustain me…but I do need communication, and in this, Parker excels. I don’t know what we are working towards…
…friends…?
…friends with benefits…?
…girlfriend and boyfriend…?
Honestly, I don’t know and I really don’t care. I enjoy him being my friend and I enjoy the attention that he shows me. The world thinks I am an attention whore…with WHORE in capital letters. Personally, I think it is really the other way around. So long as he keeps giving me attention…what happens, happens.
If we become something more, I paved the way for it by having heart to heart talks with Kate Bass and Dazi Miyashita, both former girlfriends of PVP. I thought it was the right thing to do, even though I wasn’t obligated to do it…
My talk with Kate was disappointing, even though she gave her blessing. I think she just hates my guts, but she tolerates me because of Parker. I don’t hate her…even after all she did to me with Jamilyn. I feel sad for her I think…assuming I really understand what sad is anymore. Maybe I just have gas...
Taking to Dazi was WAY different! She was kind and supportive and I really appreciated it. She and I had knock down drag out fights (that I secretly enjoyed) that should have left us enemies for life. Right now, I can’t imagine not being her friend.
As for Parker…he’s almost perfect. Maybe he is a bit sexually aggressive for my tastes, but I think that is a symptom of prior relationships. That side of him holds little interest for me. I want him to shower me with the attention that I feel I deserve. So long as he does that…we can be together. I think he gets that about me…or at least I hope he does. If he doesn't...we may have another Tina situation on our hands...
P.S. I still don’t trust him…probably never will, but I like him…
I spent a wonderful day in Las Vegas with Parker yesterday and last night. It was really nice to finally let all the
Parker makes me laugh…he is really very funny and very sweet. I appreciate those qualities in him. After his previous relationships, I know he has ‘expectations’ of me…but honestly, that is secondary to him being funny and him being supportive of me. I don’t need sex to sustain me…but I do need communication, and in this, Parker excels. I don’t know what we are working towards…
…friends…?
…friends with benefits…?
…girlfriend and boyfriend…?
Honestly, I don’t know and I really don’t care. I enjoy him being my friend and I enjoy the attention that he shows me. The world thinks I am an attention whore…with WHORE in capital letters. Personally, I think it is really the other way around. So long as he keeps giving me attention…what happens, happens.
If we become something more, I paved the way for it by having heart to heart talks with Kate Bass and Dazi Miyashita, both former girlfriends of PVP. I thought it was the right thing to do, even though I wasn’t obligated to do it…
My talk with Kate was disappointing, even though she gave her blessing. I think she just hates my guts, but she tolerates me because of Parker. I don’t hate her…even after all she did to me with Jamilyn. I feel sad for her I think…assuming I really understand what sad is anymore. Maybe I just have gas...
Taking to Dazi was WAY different! She was kind and supportive and I really appreciated it. She and I had knock down drag out fights (that I secretly enjoyed) that should have left us enemies for life. Right now, I can’t imagine not being her friend.
As for Parker…he’s almost perfect. Maybe he is a bit sexually aggressive for my tastes, but I think that is a symptom of prior relationships. That side of him holds little interest for me. I want him to shower me with the attention that I feel I deserve. So long as he does that…we can be together. I think he gets that about me…or at least I hope he does. If he doesn't...we may have another Tina situation on our hands...
P.S. I still don’t trust him…probably never will, but I like him…