Post by Kenzi Grey on Aug 27, 2016 4:37:31 GMT -5
OOC: The personal thoughts of Kenzi Grey from her personal diary (this is only her inner musings and is completely off-camera):
This is probably way more about me than it is about Mel, but I can’t talk about one without talking about the other. As I said before, Mel is one of my first ‘outside’ LAW true friends. Our relationship started off with me having a bit of a girl-crush on her to now just happy to be anywhere in her presence. When the two of us started drifting apart, it kinda made me really shitty. I didn’t want to lose her, but she’s not really mines to keep…not really.
Anyway, the two of us started texting back and forth…doing what we could to mend our fractured friendship and we just started getting really deep with each other. Mel has a way of disarming me and getting me to talk about myself in a way that only two other people really do…my Ma (Nina Stokes) and (Aims) Amy Jo Smyth. Anyway, as Mel started peeling back my many layers…I told her how I was really feeling…not about her…but about everyone and everything. I probably shouldn’t have done that…but like I said…she has a way of getting me to talk…
Since the stuff with Alex, the stuff with Jamilyn, and the stuff with Dog…I haven’t exactly been my usual self. I can’t remember the last time I felt really good or even really bad…I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt anything at all but jealous or angry. Those are the only two emotions that register with me these days. I'm jealous when I see my friends having the greatest time without me...I see that they don't need me there and then I get angry. Being angry is the closest thing to me being happy that I can actually relate to. I yell and I scream and I swear it makes me feel good...I think...I don't know.
I go through the motions and I tell people I feel happy or I feel sad…but I really have no idea what I feel. I’m a black hole…with an on and off switch…period. Maybe I'll keep talking to Mel...she tells me to find a way to get back to being my 'old self' but I don't remember that person...I don't know that I care to.
P.S. I shouldn’t have told Mel so much about what was going on inside me…now she’s either going to try to fix me or she’s going to avoid me. I don’t think I care for either of those prospects…
This is probably way more about me than it is about Mel, but I can’t talk about one without talking about the other. As I said before, Mel is one of my first ‘outside’ LAW true friends. Our relationship started off with me having a bit of a girl-crush on her to now just happy to be anywhere in her presence. When the two of us started drifting apart, it kinda made me really shitty. I didn’t want to lose her, but she’s not really mines to keep…not really.
Anyway, the two of us started texting back and forth…doing what we could to mend our fractured friendship and we just started getting really deep with each other. Mel has a way of disarming me and getting me to talk about myself in a way that only two other people really do…my Ma (Nina Stokes) and (Aims) Amy Jo Smyth. Anyway, as Mel started peeling back my many layers…I told her how I was really feeling…not about her…but about everyone and everything. I probably shouldn’t have done that…but like I said…she has a way of getting me to talk…
Since the stuff with Alex, the stuff with Jamilyn, and the stuff with Dog…I haven’t exactly been my usual self. I can’t remember the last time I felt really good or even really bad…I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt anything at all but jealous or angry. Those are the only two emotions that register with me these days. I'm jealous when I see my friends having the greatest time without me...I see that they don't need me there and then I get angry. Being angry is the closest thing to me being happy that I can actually relate to. I yell and I scream and I swear it makes me feel good...I think...I don't know.
I go through the motions and I tell people I feel happy or I feel sad…but I really have no idea what I feel. I’m a black hole…with an on and off switch…period. Maybe I'll keep talking to Mel...she tells me to find a way to get back to being my 'old self' but I don't remember that person...I don't know that I care to.
P.S. I shouldn’t have told Mel so much about what was going on inside me…now she’s either going to try to fix me or she’s going to avoid me. I don’t think I care for either of those prospects…