Post by Nova Sinclair on Oct 28, 2017 20:36:49 GMT -5
Before Declan took me on a little get away following LAW 71, I had told him anywhere but Boston would be perfect. I let him whisk me away as my way of staying away from Boston, at least for a few days, because had Declan and I not become friends when we did, I would have gone straight back to Boston following the show in Chicago. And not to visit my mother, or even Preston for that matter. It would have been for a much more heartbreaking reason. A reason that even years later is difficult to handle.
The anniversary of my father’s death.
They say it gets easier with time, and maybe that’s true. Partly true. I try to keep myself distracted enough on a daily basis so I’m not constantly dwelling and hurting about the past, but on certain days of the year, it’s impossible not to be consumed with the pain. His birthday. Father’s day. His and my mother’s anniversary. And, of course, the day that he was taken from us.
I have always gone to the cemetery to visit his grave on the day he died. Except this year. I knew there was a chance my mother would be there, maybe even Preston as well, and right now I couldn’t bare to see either of them. It’s why I didn’t hesitate to go away with Declan.
But that was a few days ago. And I can’t put off going to visit my father’s grave any longer, so I caught a flight back to Boston, got a rental for the day and headed straight to the cemetery. It’s a seasonably cool day out. Perfect weather for a comfortable hoodie and jeans and as I drive through the front gate of the cemetery, I know exactly where to go.
Less than a minute later, I park along the edge of the grass near the section where my father is buried, and turn off the engine. I take in a deep breath and step out of the car, slowly and carefully walking to the middle of the section and finally stopping at my father’s large headstone.
“Hey, Daddy.” I place my hand on the top of the headstone. I’ve always talked to him like he’s still here. “I’m sorry I’m a few days late, but I’m a pretty busy girl these days.”
Okay. So I omitted the full truth. And I’m sure he knows. I kneel crouch down, running my hand further down the headstone, tracing over the letters of his name. “So maybe that wasn’t the total truth, but it doesn’t change how much I miss you. I need you now more than ever, Daddy.”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I sit down in the grass, and lean back against his headstone, much like I always do when I’m here. I tuck my knees in close to my chest before I continue talking. “I didn’t think my life could get so chaotic. There’s so much going on right now. More than I ever thought possible.”
I turn my head to the left, looking at his name on the headstone from the corner of my eye. It almost feels as though I’m looking directly at him as I’m talking, even though I know it’s not. I wish that was the case, though. I close my eyes and try to envision his face in my mind. “I’m starting to realize just how much work being a professional wrestler is, Daddy. I wasn’t prepared to be tossed into the thick of things so soon after signing my contract, but I guess other people had different plans for me. Not that I should be complaining or anything.”
I chuckle for a second, remembering I had brought this all on myself. I knew none of it was going to be easy, or even go the way I really thought it would. “It’s all keeping me on my toes.” I start to speak once again. “There’s this group in LAW that calls themselves the Cool Kids. Kind of a lame name if you ask me, but it’s whatever. Anyway, I wasn’t expecting to be involved in some sort of war with any of them right away, but after I beat sweet little Mili..”
I laugh again and shake my head. “Speaking of Mili...Consider yourself lucky you aren’t around to meet that one. I wish I could give her a few pointers on how to talk, but as a hashtag Cool Kid, it’s her duty to hate everyone I guess.”
I shake my head again as I turn my face forward and then look up to the cloudy sky, and up into the heavens. “And then it seems I made the mistake of even remotely trusting Maria Salvatore because she did what a part of me figured she would do and left me high and dry in our tag match against Mili and Kenzi, and I couldn’t get the job done myself. Score one to one for Nova and the Cool Kids.” I roll my eyes, but quickly brush it off because it’s bound to happen again sooner or later.
The breeze suddenly picks up just a bit, sending a chill against my exposed hands and through my hoodie. I shiver for a brief moment, but I don’t let the temperature get to me just yet, as I need to stay here a little while longer. “People seem to think I’m going to be a part of the Breakout Title scene once Night Of Glory comes around, but I’m not so sure. I haven’t done anything to even deserve it yet, but we’ll see I guess. And now I’m being put against this vile woman named Roxy Cotton, also one of the Cool Kids.” I shake my head and take in yet another deep breath. “I don’t know, Daddy. I just wish I could talk to Mom right now.”
Ahh, yes. My mother. The one person I can normally talk to about anything. “A lot has happened over the last few weeks, Daddy. I’m sure you’ve seen every bit of it, too. So you probably know that things with Mom are...strained. I honestly don’t know how in the world I can get past all this, Daddy. What she did…”
I close my eyes and, and as much as I’d like not to think about it, my mind drifts back to a few weeks ago...to a turning point in my relationship with my mother.
Flashback Friday- Two Weeks Ago
I hadn’t planned on going straight back to Boston from Minneapolis following LAW 70. Just the thought of Boston lately has made me a little emotional, what with everything going on with Preston and the possibility of running into him, or him trying to find me if he knew I was in town. It’s why I had told my mother that I probably wouldn’t be home to visit after this show, and she seemed fine with it. But after the way mine and Maria’s tag match against the Cool Kids had ended, I was in need of a serious cheering up, so I thought I’d surprise my mother by coming home for the weekend.
I still had a key to our family home. My mother said I always would, but I rarely had to use it, especially when she was home. As soon as I pulled my rental car into the long drive leading to our family estate, I’m relieved to see my mother’s Mercedes in the drive. I park my rental behind hers, kill the engine and walk up to the front door, where I grab the handle and try to open it.
“Ok. I guess she’s trying to be a little safe these days.” I say outloud when I realize the door is locked. No big deal, though. I take my key out of my jacket pocket and unlock it before heading inside. “Mom?!” I shout, dropping my keys on the table just by the door. “I thought I’d surprise you! Mom?! Where are you?!”
The entire house is relatively quiet, but she could be anywhere given the size of the place. She’s not in the front living area, nor is she in the kitchen. I consider going upstairs, thinking she might be in her room, but I hear music coming from towards the back of the house where the pool and hot tub area are. It’s getting dark outside, and the pool area is mostly dark, but the covered hot tub area is dimly lit. “Huh. She must be soaking in the hot tub.”
I open the patio door leading outside, heading directly over to the gazebo where the hot tub is. I can hear the music now and it’s a little clearer, though I can’t make out what it is. I finally walk up to the door and pull it open quickly. “Mom?? Surpri….Oh! OMG!”
I quickly turn around at the sight of my mother and another woman, completely naked and making out in the hot tub. Not that it really bothers me that my mother has decided to enjoy the company of another woman, but the sight still shocks me. She can’t see the look on my face, but I’m actually smiling, happy for her.
“Nova! OMG!” I hear her shout when she realizes I’m home, followed by the water splashing around as her guest has presumably gotten out.
“I thought you said she wasn’t going to be home??” The other woman says. But...it’s not just any woman. I know that voice. I know that voice very well, in fact.
“J-Jocelyn?” I say, as I turn back around, completely shrugging off the face that they are still naked. Jocelyn, my best friend of about ten years now has a towel wrapped around her body, as does my mother. She’d love nothing more than to run away, but I’m blocking her only way out of the gazebo, so she’s stuck right where she is. “What the fuck?!”
“Nova, honey…” My mother takes a step forward, trying to find a way to explain. “Please, let’s go inside and talk about this.”
I shake my head, keeping my eyes locked on Jocelyn. She avoids eye contact, though. “To hell with that! How long have you two been sleeping together?! H-how did this happen?!”
“Can I just go inside and get dressed, please?” Jocelyn asks, still avoiding eye contact with me.
“Nova, let her past, please.” My mother asks.
I stare at Jocelyn for a few more moments and then roll my eyes, letting out a sigh as I step to the side and she quickly runs past me, without another word. I don’t waste another second in watching her disappear inside as I turn my attention back to my mother. “You have GOT to be kidding me right now, mother! Jocelyn? JOCELYN?!”
She walks towards me, taking in a deep breath as she reaches for my hands. “I...I know this is a big shock, honey. Trust me, I didn’t want you to find out this way. But you have to understand...I’m happy right now.”
I gag a little, disgusted more with the fact that my mother has been sleeping with my best friend. “I...I can’t even right now. This is gross. This is so gross.”
I turn around, trying to dart out of there, but she grabs me by my arm, spins me around and stops me. “Why? Why is it gross? Because I’m sleeping with another woman?”
I let out a laugh and shake my head. “No! That is NOT why it’s gross, mother. You want to be with another woman, have at it. That’s not my problem. My problem is that you’re sleeping with someone who I THOUGHT was my best friend. Someone who is twenty years younger than you are! That is what is gross!”
“Honey, we’re both adults.” She says, trying to defend herself. “Consenting adults. And age is nothing but a number these days.”
I close my eyes and turn around, unable to bare the sight of her right now. “I really don’t want to hear any of this right now, mother. I can’t believe you would hide something like this from me. I can’t believe you would do something like this!”
“Nova, come on.” She says, reaching for my arm again.
I quickly yank it away and open the door. “No! Just...stay the hell away from me. Don’t even talk to me right now.” I then bolt out of the gazebo, not giving her an opportunity to explain. The fact is, I don’t want to hear it. I can’t. None of it matters, because it doesn’t change anything. I head back inside, just in time to see Jocelyn walking back downstairs with her bag in tow.
“Oh, don’t feel like you need to leave on my account, Joc. Go ahead and continue this little fantasy of yours.” I snap at her as she stops at the bottom of the stares. Her jaw drops open and she finally makes eye contact, but she says nothing. I hear the patio door slide open as I grab my keys from the table and bolt out the door and a couple of minutes later, away from my family estate.
Back to the present…
“I want her to be happy, Daddy.” I open my eyes, letting a few tears fall down my cheek as I think back to that night. “I really do. But...with Jocelyn? It just seems so...wrong.”
I close my eyes again, falling silent for a long while. I can’t even find the words to say anymore, so I just sit there. I continue to lean against my father’s headstone, wishing he could be here to offer me some sort of advice, but I know if he were here, none of this would even be happening. I wouldn’t be angry with my mother. Or Jocelyn for that matter, because my parents would still be together, and our family would be happy. Then again, if it weren’t for my father’s death, I probably never would have ended up with Preston either.
“How did my life become such a mess, Daddy?” I break my silence, once again looking back up to the sky. “Not that it even matters, though. I was able to find a way to clear my mind, and I have Declan to thank for that.”
I grin a little, thinking back to my time with Declan earlier in the week. “Please don’t think less of me, Daddy. I just need to experience life and everything it has to offer, and there’s something about Declan that just excites me. There’s no expectations and he knows exactly what to do to get my mind off of everything.”
I’m starting to get cold now, and I think I’ve been here long enough. I push myself back to my feet and turn around so I’m looking down at the headstone again. I put my hands in my pocket, trying to warm them up a little. “I know you’re looking down on me, Daddy. I know you’re watching over me and protecting me, but I guess I just...I need to ask you not to. At least for a little while. I’m going to do my best to not make a complete mess of my life, but I can’t promise you that I won’t make some stupid decisions every now and then.”
I wipe away more tears from my eyes, thinking about how much I don’t want to disappoint my father. “I’m trying my best to stay your good girl, Daddy, but I’m starting to notice that certain things in life require me to be a little bad at times. Both in and out of the ring.”
I kiss my hand and then touch the headstone, crouching down one last time. “I miss you so much, Daddy. I’ll do my best to make you proud, but please don’t hate me for anything I might do from here on out. I’ve gotta go now, though. I’ll do my best to come back soon. I love you.”
I say goodbye one more time before I stand up and walk back to my rental car. It’s always hard visiting my father’s grave, but it’s almost harder leaving. Especially now. Especially when I don’t know the next time I’ll be back, but I can’t think about that right now. I have to put all of this personal stuff aside for as long as I can, because I’ve got bigger things to worry about.
Like Maria Salvatore. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
But first...I have to focus on the new Chaos Champion, Roxy Cotton.
This is all happening so fast. I mean, this is only going to be my fourth match in LAW, and I really wasn’t expecting to be tossed into the thick of things. I wasn’t in any sort of hurry to make friends, or even to make any enemies, but shit happens, right? And boy has shit certainly happened.
The Breakout Title is the talk of the town, so to speak, isn’t it? Everyone and anyone apparently wants a shot at it, or they think they deserve a shot, but I don’t care about any of that if I’m honest. What I do care about, though, is the fact that somehow, my name got thrown into the mix. I don’t know how. I don’t know why, but several people seem to think that I am or I’m going to be involved in the Breakout Title scene.
Oookay. I’ll let people think what they want to think, but honestly, I haven’t done much of anything to be part of this whole mess just yet. Or...maybe I have. I don’t know. If the higher ups seem to think I’m worthy of a shot, you bet your ass I’m going to give it my all and make a good impression, but am I focused on the title right now? Am I going to sit here and claim that I deserve it more than Kenzi or Mili?
Absolutely not. The only person I’m going to say I deserve it more than is one Maria Salvatore, but I’ll focus on that little girl when the time comes. I’m not going to sit here and waste any of my words or my energy on her, when she isn’t the one I’m facing next week.
I guess it seems like the only people the bookers seem to find me worthy of fighting are the hashtag Cool Kids. Not that it surprises me, though, because they seem to be the resident plague of LAW, right? They’ve completely taken over, as any stable in any company would, and everyone hates them. For good reason.
Well...if I’m honest, Kenzi Grey isn’t so bad. Yet. There was that brief misunderstanding when she thought I was bullying dear sweet Milisandre, but I think we’ve worked that out. Not that I fully trust her, though, because she is a Cool Kid of course. As is Milisandre. But we all have a common enemy. We all have a problem with Maria Salvatore, so I imagine when push comes to shove, we could find a way to work together to get rid of that little equation.
But first I need to worry about their rather outspoken and completely vile friend, Roxy Cotton. The brand new Chaos Champion. I’m just making the rounds facing all the Cool Kids. Maybe once I’m through with Roxy, the lovely Sarah Lacklan will be next! Who knows, right?! It could happen!
I’m not worried about Roxy. I know people think I should be, but I’m really not. She’s got a lot of bark, I’ll give her that much. Oooh...oops. I went and took a line out of her book, it seems. After all, she did basically say the same thing about Declan just a few days ago on Twitter. I guess it was a case of the pot calling the kettle black, though, because Roxy is one bitch that doesn’t know when she shut that damn mouth of hers. It’s okay, though. I’m sure I can find the perfect size muzzle for her.
I’ve known girls like Roxy for quite some time. Ever since my high school days, I’ve come across them. And not a single one of them has ever intimidated me, no matter how hard they tried. And I’m sure Roxy will try her damndest. But that’s okay. Let her try. She can say what she wants. Do what she wants, but when it all comes down to it, she’s going to be the one ending up in the position she’s apparently known for.
Flat on her back, looking up at the ceiling. Except in this case, I’ll be the one pinning her shoulders to the mat and my hand will get raised in victory. I normally don’t like to guarantee victory going into any match, but in this case, I’m making an exception.
Roxy Cotton will...not...beat...me. I won’t allow it. I’m not going to give that woman the satisfaction of running her mouth as much as she does and giving her bragging rights over me. Her war is with Kate Steele soon enough so I’m going to do Kate a favor and leave Roxy for her to finish off, but it’s going to feel oh so good to knock her down a few notches.
Or maybe try to, because I know bitches like her like to make excuses. But that’s fine. The outcome will still be the same. In Cincinnati, I plan to use Roxy Cotton to send a message to Maria Salvatore. It’s going to be an all out dirty catfight, I’m sure.
But it’s a catfight I’m very much looking forward to.
The anniversary of my father’s death.
They say it gets easier with time, and maybe that’s true. Partly true. I try to keep myself distracted enough on a daily basis so I’m not constantly dwelling and hurting about the past, but on certain days of the year, it’s impossible not to be consumed with the pain. His birthday. Father’s day. His and my mother’s anniversary. And, of course, the day that he was taken from us.
I have always gone to the cemetery to visit his grave on the day he died. Except this year. I knew there was a chance my mother would be there, maybe even Preston as well, and right now I couldn’t bare to see either of them. It’s why I didn’t hesitate to go away with Declan.
But that was a few days ago. And I can’t put off going to visit my father’s grave any longer, so I caught a flight back to Boston, got a rental for the day and headed straight to the cemetery. It’s a seasonably cool day out. Perfect weather for a comfortable hoodie and jeans and as I drive through the front gate of the cemetery, I know exactly where to go.
Less than a minute later, I park along the edge of the grass near the section where my father is buried, and turn off the engine. I take in a deep breath and step out of the car, slowly and carefully walking to the middle of the section and finally stopping at my father’s large headstone.
“Hey, Daddy.” I place my hand on the top of the headstone. I’ve always talked to him like he’s still here. “I’m sorry I’m a few days late, but I’m a pretty busy girl these days.”
Okay. So I omitted the full truth. And I’m sure he knows. I kneel crouch down, running my hand further down the headstone, tracing over the letters of his name. “So maybe that wasn’t the total truth, but it doesn’t change how much I miss you. I need you now more than ever, Daddy.”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I sit down in the grass, and lean back against his headstone, much like I always do when I’m here. I tuck my knees in close to my chest before I continue talking. “I didn’t think my life could get so chaotic. There’s so much going on right now. More than I ever thought possible.”
I turn my head to the left, looking at his name on the headstone from the corner of my eye. It almost feels as though I’m looking directly at him as I’m talking, even though I know it’s not. I wish that was the case, though. I close my eyes and try to envision his face in my mind. “I’m starting to realize just how much work being a professional wrestler is, Daddy. I wasn’t prepared to be tossed into the thick of things so soon after signing my contract, but I guess other people had different plans for me. Not that I should be complaining or anything.”
I chuckle for a second, remembering I had brought this all on myself. I knew none of it was going to be easy, or even go the way I really thought it would. “It’s all keeping me on my toes.” I start to speak once again. “There’s this group in LAW that calls themselves the Cool Kids. Kind of a lame name if you ask me, but it’s whatever. Anyway, I wasn’t expecting to be involved in some sort of war with any of them right away, but after I beat sweet little Mili..”
I laugh again and shake my head. “Speaking of Mili...Consider yourself lucky you aren’t around to meet that one. I wish I could give her a few pointers on how to talk, but as a hashtag Cool Kid, it’s her duty to hate everyone I guess.”
I shake my head again as I turn my face forward and then look up to the cloudy sky, and up into the heavens. “And then it seems I made the mistake of even remotely trusting Maria Salvatore because she did what a part of me figured she would do and left me high and dry in our tag match against Mili and Kenzi, and I couldn’t get the job done myself. Score one to one for Nova and the Cool Kids.” I roll my eyes, but quickly brush it off because it’s bound to happen again sooner or later.
The breeze suddenly picks up just a bit, sending a chill against my exposed hands and through my hoodie. I shiver for a brief moment, but I don’t let the temperature get to me just yet, as I need to stay here a little while longer. “People seem to think I’m going to be a part of the Breakout Title scene once Night Of Glory comes around, but I’m not so sure. I haven’t done anything to even deserve it yet, but we’ll see I guess. And now I’m being put against this vile woman named Roxy Cotton, also one of the Cool Kids.” I shake my head and take in yet another deep breath. “I don’t know, Daddy. I just wish I could talk to Mom right now.”
Ahh, yes. My mother. The one person I can normally talk to about anything. “A lot has happened over the last few weeks, Daddy. I’m sure you’ve seen every bit of it, too. So you probably know that things with Mom are...strained. I honestly don’t know how in the world I can get past all this, Daddy. What she did…”
I close my eyes and, and as much as I’d like not to think about it, my mind drifts back to a few weeks ago...to a turning point in my relationship with my mother.
Flashback Friday- Two Weeks Ago
I hadn’t planned on going straight back to Boston from Minneapolis following LAW 70. Just the thought of Boston lately has made me a little emotional, what with everything going on with Preston and the possibility of running into him, or him trying to find me if he knew I was in town. It’s why I had told my mother that I probably wouldn’t be home to visit after this show, and she seemed fine with it. But after the way mine and Maria’s tag match against the Cool Kids had ended, I was in need of a serious cheering up, so I thought I’d surprise my mother by coming home for the weekend.
I still had a key to our family home. My mother said I always would, but I rarely had to use it, especially when she was home. As soon as I pulled my rental car into the long drive leading to our family estate, I’m relieved to see my mother’s Mercedes in the drive. I park my rental behind hers, kill the engine and walk up to the front door, where I grab the handle and try to open it.
“Ok. I guess she’s trying to be a little safe these days.” I say outloud when I realize the door is locked. No big deal, though. I take my key out of my jacket pocket and unlock it before heading inside. “Mom?!” I shout, dropping my keys on the table just by the door. “I thought I’d surprise you! Mom?! Where are you?!”
The entire house is relatively quiet, but she could be anywhere given the size of the place. She’s not in the front living area, nor is she in the kitchen. I consider going upstairs, thinking she might be in her room, but I hear music coming from towards the back of the house where the pool and hot tub area are. It’s getting dark outside, and the pool area is mostly dark, but the covered hot tub area is dimly lit. “Huh. She must be soaking in the hot tub.”
I open the patio door leading outside, heading directly over to the gazebo where the hot tub is. I can hear the music now and it’s a little clearer, though I can’t make out what it is. I finally walk up to the door and pull it open quickly. “Mom?? Surpri….Oh! OMG!”
I quickly turn around at the sight of my mother and another woman, completely naked and making out in the hot tub. Not that it really bothers me that my mother has decided to enjoy the company of another woman, but the sight still shocks me. She can’t see the look on my face, but I’m actually smiling, happy for her.
“Nova! OMG!” I hear her shout when she realizes I’m home, followed by the water splashing around as her guest has presumably gotten out.
“I thought you said she wasn’t going to be home??” The other woman says. But...it’s not just any woman. I know that voice. I know that voice very well, in fact.
“J-Jocelyn?” I say, as I turn back around, completely shrugging off the face that they are still naked. Jocelyn, my best friend of about ten years now has a towel wrapped around her body, as does my mother. She’d love nothing more than to run away, but I’m blocking her only way out of the gazebo, so she’s stuck right where she is. “What the fuck?!”
“Nova, honey…” My mother takes a step forward, trying to find a way to explain. “Please, let’s go inside and talk about this.”
I shake my head, keeping my eyes locked on Jocelyn. She avoids eye contact, though. “To hell with that! How long have you two been sleeping together?! H-how did this happen?!”
“Can I just go inside and get dressed, please?” Jocelyn asks, still avoiding eye contact with me.
“Nova, let her past, please.” My mother asks.
I stare at Jocelyn for a few more moments and then roll my eyes, letting out a sigh as I step to the side and she quickly runs past me, without another word. I don’t waste another second in watching her disappear inside as I turn my attention back to my mother. “You have GOT to be kidding me right now, mother! Jocelyn? JOCELYN?!”
She walks towards me, taking in a deep breath as she reaches for my hands. “I...I know this is a big shock, honey. Trust me, I didn’t want you to find out this way. But you have to understand...I’m happy right now.”
I gag a little, disgusted more with the fact that my mother has been sleeping with my best friend. “I...I can’t even right now. This is gross. This is so gross.”
I turn around, trying to dart out of there, but she grabs me by my arm, spins me around and stops me. “Why? Why is it gross? Because I’m sleeping with another woman?”
I let out a laugh and shake my head. “No! That is NOT why it’s gross, mother. You want to be with another woman, have at it. That’s not my problem. My problem is that you’re sleeping with someone who I THOUGHT was my best friend. Someone who is twenty years younger than you are! That is what is gross!”
“Honey, we’re both adults.” She says, trying to defend herself. “Consenting adults. And age is nothing but a number these days.”
I close my eyes and turn around, unable to bare the sight of her right now. “I really don’t want to hear any of this right now, mother. I can’t believe you would hide something like this from me. I can’t believe you would do something like this!”
“Nova, come on.” She says, reaching for my arm again.
I quickly yank it away and open the door. “No! Just...stay the hell away from me. Don’t even talk to me right now.” I then bolt out of the gazebo, not giving her an opportunity to explain. The fact is, I don’t want to hear it. I can’t. None of it matters, because it doesn’t change anything. I head back inside, just in time to see Jocelyn walking back downstairs with her bag in tow.
“Oh, don’t feel like you need to leave on my account, Joc. Go ahead and continue this little fantasy of yours.” I snap at her as she stops at the bottom of the stares. Her jaw drops open and she finally makes eye contact, but she says nothing. I hear the patio door slide open as I grab my keys from the table and bolt out the door and a couple of minutes later, away from my family estate.
Back to the present…
“I want her to be happy, Daddy.” I open my eyes, letting a few tears fall down my cheek as I think back to that night. “I really do. But...with Jocelyn? It just seems so...wrong.”
I close my eyes again, falling silent for a long while. I can’t even find the words to say anymore, so I just sit there. I continue to lean against my father’s headstone, wishing he could be here to offer me some sort of advice, but I know if he were here, none of this would even be happening. I wouldn’t be angry with my mother. Or Jocelyn for that matter, because my parents would still be together, and our family would be happy. Then again, if it weren’t for my father’s death, I probably never would have ended up with Preston either.
“How did my life become such a mess, Daddy?” I break my silence, once again looking back up to the sky. “Not that it even matters, though. I was able to find a way to clear my mind, and I have Declan to thank for that.”
I grin a little, thinking back to my time with Declan earlier in the week. “Please don’t think less of me, Daddy. I just need to experience life and everything it has to offer, and there’s something about Declan that just excites me. There’s no expectations and he knows exactly what to do to get my mind off of everything.”
I’m starting to get cold now, and I think I’ve been here long enough. I push myself back to my feet and turn around so I’m looking down at the headstone again. I put my hands in my pocket, trying to warm them up a little. “I know you’re looking down on me, Daddy. I know you’re watching over me and protecting me, but I guess I just...I need to ask you not to. At least for a little while. I’m going to do my best to not make a complete mess of my life, but I can’t promise you that I won’t make some stupid decisions every now and then.”
I wipe away more tears from my eyes, thinking about how much I don’t want to disappoint my father. “I’m trying my best to stay your good girl, Daddy, but I’m starting to notice that certain things in life require me to be a little bad at times. Both in and out of the ring.”
I kiss my hand and then touch the headstone, crouching down one last time. “I miss you so much, Daddy. I’ll do my best to make you proud, but please don’t hate me for anything I might do from here on out. I’ve gotta go now, though. I’ll do my best to come back soon. I love you.”
I say goodbye one more time before I stand up and walk back to my rental car. It’s always hard visiting my father’s grave, but it’s almost harder leaving. Especially now. Especially when I don’t know the next time I’ll be back, but I can’t think about that right now. I have to put all of this personal stuff aside for as long as I can, because I’ve got bigger things to worry about.
Like Maria Salvatore. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
But first...I have to focus on the new Chaos Champion, Roxy Cotton.
This is all happening so fast. I mean, this is only going to be my fourth match in LAW, and I really wasn’t expecting to be tossed into the thick of things. I wasn’t in any sort of hurry to make friends, or even to make any enemies, but shit happens, right? And boy has shit certainly happened.
The Breakout Title is the talk of the town, so to speak, isn’t it? Everyone and anyone apparently wants a shot at it, or they think they deserve a shot, but I don’t care about any of that if I’m honest. What I do care about, though, is the fact that somehow, my name got thrown into the mix. I don’t know how. I don’t know why, but several people seem to think that I am or I’m going to be involved in the Breakout Title scene.
Oookay. I’ll let people think what they want to think, but honestly, I haven’t done much of anything to be part of this whole mess just yet. Or...maybe I have. I don’t know. If the higher ups seem to think I’m worthy of a shot, you bet your ass I’m going to give it my all and make a good impression, but am I focused on the title right now? Am I going to sit here and claim that I deserve it more than Kenzi or Mili?
Absolutely not. The only person I’m going to say I deserve it more than is one Maria Salvatore, but I’ll focus on that little girl when the time comes. I’m not going to sit here and waste any of my words or my energy on her, when she isn’t the one I’m facing next week.
I guess it seems like the only people the bookers seem to find me worthy of fighting are the hashtag Cool Kids. Not that it surprises me, though, because they seem to be the resident plague of LAW, right? They’ve completely taken over, as any stable in any company would, and everyone hates them. For good reason.
Well...if I’m honest, Kenzi Grey isn’t so bad. Yet. There was that brief misunderstanding when she thought I was bullying dear sweet Milisandre, but I think we’ve worked that out. Not that I fully trust her, though, because she is a Cool Kid of course. As is Milisandre. But we all have a common enemy. We all have a problem with Maria Salvatore, so I imagine when push comes to shove, we could find a way to work together to get rid of that little equation.
But first I need to worry about their rather outspoken and completely vile friend, Roxy Cotton. The brand new Chaos Champion. I’m just making the rounds facing all the Cool Kids. Maybe once I’m through with Roxy, the lovely Sarah Lacklan will be next! Who knows, right?! It could happen!
I’m not worried about Roxy. I know people think I should be, but I’m really not. She’s got a lot of bark, I’ll give her that much. Oooh...oops. I went and took a line out of her book, it seems. After all, she did basically say the same thing about Declan just a few days ago on Twitter. I guess it was a case of the pot calling the kettle black, though, because Roxy is one bitch that doesn’t know when she shut that damn mouth of hers. It’s okay, though. I’m sure I can find the perfect size muzzle for her.
I’ve known girls like Roxy for quite some time. Ever since my high school days, I’ve come across them. And not a single one of them has ever intimidated me, no matter how hard they tried. And I’m sure Roxy will try her damndest. But that’s okay. Let her try. She can say what she wants. Do what she wants, but when it all comes down to it, she’s going to be the one ending up in the position she’s apparently known for.
Flat on her back, looking up at the ceiling. Except in this case, I’ll be the one pinning her shoulders to the mat and my hand will get raised in victory. I normally don’t like to guarantee victory going into any match, but in this case, I’m making an exception.
Roxy Cotton will...not...beat...me. I won’t allow it. I’m not going to give that woman the satisfaction of running her mouth as much as she does and giving her bragging rights over me. Her war is with Kate Steele soon enough so I’m going to do Kate a favor and leave Roxy for her to finish off, but it’s going to feel oh so good to knock her down a few notches.
Or maybe try to, because I know bitches like her like to make excuses. But that’s fine. The outcome will still be the same. In Cincinnati, I plan to use Roxy Cotton to send a message to Maria Salvatore. It’s going to be an all out dirty catfight, I’m sure.
But it’s a catfight I’m very much looking forward to.