Adventures in Babysitting - Part I Jan 6, 2018 23:24:16 GMT -5
Post by Roxy Cotton on Jan 6, 2018 23:24:16 GMT -5
ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING - PART I
Beverly Hills, California - Afternoon
U SURE U CANT GET NE1 ELSE BB?
Roxy's fingers swiped furiously over her cell phone's screen, replying to a text from Kenzi which was, to her, horrifying. At her feet, which are nestled bare and comfortable on a small rest, a young Asian woman files away at Roxy's toenails.
"Hey, Miss Swan? Can you go a little easier with the emery board please? I'm trying to, like, concentrate here. I have a crisis unfolding. Thanks baby."
The Asian girl, whose nametag says Li and not Miss Swan, does slow a little bit with her filing. Then, the first snippets of Britney Spears' voice repeating "Gimme More" emanate from Roxy's phone, and she returns her attention to the device.
Yes! Roxy please help me out! None of the other Cool Kids are available while we're in LA and I can't reschedule this CTN obligation. My mother made sure I was locked in.
Roxy closes her eyes and exhales loudly. She presses her fingers into the bridge of her nose like someone battling a sinus headache.
"Why does literally every terrible thing have to happen to me? Like... I have it so much worse than everyone else, you know?"
As she speaks, she lifts her head up to look down at Li, who is distracted by the task at hand – using the emery board to shave down Roxy's heels.
"Um... HELLO? Do you, like, hear me down there?"
Roxy bumps her foot against the young woman's face lightly, startling her. Li opens her mouth in a gasp, and Roxy's big toe actually pops into her mouth for a moment before the bombshell pulls her foot away and curls her toes while making a grossed-out face.
"Ugh! People pay good money for that honor, baby... toe sucking isn't cheap. Dry them off now. And answer my question."
"I'm sorry... I... I didn't hear..."
Li speaks shyly, not making eyes contact with her customer as she frantically grabs a nearby towel and wipes away any vestiges of her own saliva from Roxy's toes.
"Oh my god... doesn't anyone in here speak any English? Like, Los Angeles is still part of America right? WHAT IF I TALK LOUDER?"
Li blushes, dejected.
"Ma'am... I grew up here... I go to UCLA... I speak English I just didn't..."
"OKAY GOOD. PREASE ANSWER-EE MY QUESTION-EE?"
The young Asian sighs quietly and her shoulders slump.
"I'm sorry, ma'am... what was the question?"
"HOW-EE COME-EE MY LIFE IS WORSE THAN EVERYONE ELSE'S-EE? Like... seriously, I work hard, I'm super pretty, I make a lot of money... but it's like nobody has more problems than me, you know? Like... I thought being a LAW Champion would make things easier, not harder. But as soon as I took Sam Tolson's Chaos Title it's like everything went to shit! Like... I got screwed over by Kate Steele in my match against Nova Sinclair, which I totally had won, then Kate and her butch girlfriend ASSAULTED me in the hallway and messed up my gorgeous hair... and THEN what happened? She STOLE my Chaos Title! That moment was supposed to be for ME, the big star of LAW, the award-winning personality, the championship-level skill, and the sixteen-karat smile... and instead Kate Steele took it back into the mud with her little gutterpunk self. Disgusting. Hey, baby, you can still work while you listen, right?"
Roxy nudges Li again with her foot, and Li squeezes he eyes shut for a moment before going back to filing.
"Like... I really thought that it could be a blessing in disguise, you know? Like I thought I would just step up from the Chaos Title, which was never really, like, ME, anyway, you know? Like, I'm much more of a MARQUEE player... being hardcore is icky and it... well, I don't know how to explain. It brings something out of me. All this hunger to cause pain and destruction and suffering... it's grody. I figured I'd just win the Marquee Battle Royal and move on to taking down Crystal Hilton but what happened instead? I got screwed AGAIN! Like... it's SO obvious when you watch the end of that battle royal that Stacy Jones hit the floor first. Her hair is really easy to see, and it was all over the concrete way before my feet hit the floor. And her hair doesn't even have any extensions! That was her REAL hair, and they just didn't count it! So I came in second place, which is basically just last place. You either win or you don't, you know? There are no runners-up. Now the world has to suffer through a Stacy Jones main event, which is just going to have the channel changed on it, to be honest. And who is runner up again? Me. Second place, again. I have to go back out there and get my hands dirty with Kate Steele, who is literal, actual trash, all over again. Like, why does everything bad have to happen to ME? I just want to have my gold and my money and have the respect I deserve. The LAW people I guess realized they're better off with me in the title scene than not in it, but it's still not the main event. It's still not the championship that was pretty much designed just for me. It's total disrespect, not only to me but also to the fans... the LAW fans want to see the future, not the past. No one cares about Kate Steele anymore, you know? She's like totally 2016. This is a new era, a new year, a new beginning... and the fans want a new hope for tomorrow. Roxy Cotton. So... baby, answer me? Why?"
Li, having once again let her mind wander while she ran the emery board across Roxy's feet, is snapped back to reality when the bombshell slaps her in the forehead with her toes. Li is startled and runs the board too roughly across Roxy's pinky toe.
"OW! What the fuck!? That HURT you little bitch! Were you even LISTENING to me? God!"
"Oh my goodness! I'm so so so sorry..."
"WhatEVER! You ruined my pedi! I am NOT paying for this... you need to give me something for free. That's what customer service is. Who is your manager?"
"No! I mean... she isn't here, no one is. Just me... but I feel terrible. I can offer you our special Aquarium Treatment to finish the exfoliating? On the house of course?"
"That's like with the little fishies right?"
"Yes exactly! Please, come..."
Li leads Roxy over to an area with dim lighting and many potted plants. A faux leather rectangular couch sits in the center of the room, with a series of long fish tanks in front of each section.
"They look creepy... their eyes are all far apart and empty like Kate Steele's."
"It feels wonderfull! Please, try it!"
Roxy stands pensively for a moment, awkwardly tapping her disposable sandal on the floor. Finally, she settles onto a couch and slowly dips her feet into the tank one at a time. Immediately, her feet are swarmed by hundreds of tiny fish. She squeaks in surprise, but doesn't pull her feet out of the water. Instead, a smile starts to spread on her face and she settles back into the couch, relaxing.
"Oh wow... this feels amazing. It's like... such a weird sensation on my feet. Tingling. Like pins and needles but nice! Like getting the feeling back in them... oh! Oh I forgot all about Kenzi!"
Roxy sits bolt upright and pulls her cell back out from the deep fuzzy pocket of her spa robe. She pulls her texts back up and replies without hesitation.
OF COURSE BB ILL BE THERE
"Shit. What have I done..."
LATER IN THE DAY
"Okay, I think that about covers it all... she just needs a little help with dinner after it's done microwaving and getting into bed. Nothing major. She's doing a lot better!"
Roxy looks up and down at the bright red mobile chair that Sarah Lacklan sits in while Kenzi grins at the doorway. Sarah's legs are hidden beneath a blanket wrapped around them, but her feet stick out, unmoving.
Sarah sneers at Roxy, and Roxy smiles. Until Kenzi turns her back to open the door, that is, and Roxy sticks her tongue out at the Red Queen.
"Okay! So, I might be gone for a while. That's why I needed you here, Rox. Thank you SO much for coming... uhm, you too, Maxine."
In the corner of the room, Roxy's behemoth bodyguard stands with her arms folded over her broad chest. She nods politely to Kenzi.
"So like... I don't have to like... bathe her? Or change her or whatever right?"
"I'm sitting right in front of you, Roxanne. I'm perfectly capable of answering any questions. And I am also perfectly capable of relieving myself in the restroom, thank you."
"Oh thank god."
"Roxy, Sarah, PLEASE just try to be nice to each other for a little while! I really have to go... I love you, Sarah."
"And I love you, my darling."
Kenzi leans over and kisses Sarah, then heads over to Roxy and embraces her. The two exchange air kisses to each others' cheeks.
"Thanks again Rox. So much. You're the best."
"Thanks, baby, I know."
Kenzi smiles and heads out the open door with a wave.
"Bye guys! Have fun!"
She shuts the door, and right away Sarah uses her scooter to turn away from Roxy, heading towards her bedroom.
"Where are you going?"
"I do not wish to be in the same room as you, Roxanne."
"Sure. Listen. You are my wife's friend. We are aligned in the Cool Kids together. But we do not have to like one another to be those things. I appreciate you coming, but it was unneeded."
Sarah starts to roll forward again, but after a few feet the chair beeps loudly and then stops in its tracks.
"What is it?"
"I... in my haste, I may have forgotten to charge the battery."
"It's fine. It charges quickly. I can... the outlet is just... almost..."
Sarah, stretching her arm out and leaning to her side in the chair, comes nowhere close to the outlet in the wall. Roxy watches nearby, holding her cell phone up and giggling.
"What are you doing?"
"Putting this on Snapchat, duh."
Sarah drops the power cord to her chair and shoots a red-tinted look at the bombshell that would constitute first degree murder if looks could kill.
"Stop doing that right now."
"You need my help?"
Sarah looks at Roxy, then back to the outlet and the limp cord lying on the floor. She breathes in deep and then looks back to Roxy, who is smirking the smirkest smirk to ever be smirked.
"Actually, I'm fine. I can just sleep here."
Sarah leans back into her headreast and closes her eyes.
"No! God, Sarah, you're so fucking extra sometimes. Just let me help. Max! Max come move Sarah closer to the wall so we can plug in her chair."
Maxine walks over, looming over Sarah in her chair. She grips either side of it with her muscular arms and then stands upright again, lifting the entire contraption off of the floor.
"Roxanne! I do not like this Roxanne!"
Max takes a few steps toward the wall and then sets Sarah down again, kneeling on one knee to retrieve the cord and plugging it in before standing and heading back to the corner she had been standing in previously.
"Say thank you."
"Thank you, Maxine."
"No! God Sarah! Thank ME. Maxine is mine, I'm the one who really helped you."
"You are a child, Roxanne."
Roxy's eyes bulge in anger.
From the kitchen, a microwave beeps
"You know what? Forget it. Let's just get you your dinner. I told Kenzi I'd take care of you, not sit here and be abused by you."
"You poor thing."
Roxy power walks to the kitchen in her stilettos, her hands balled into fists. She disappears into it for a few minutes, clattering dishes and silverware, while Sarah and Maxine share a smile. Finally, Roxy returns with a bowl of steaming stew. She sets up a tray table over Sarah's lap and clunks the bowl onto it, dropping a spoon and fork next to it.
"There. Bone up a tee."
"Whatever the Spanish chefs say on TV. Just eat."
Sarah laughs but grabs the fork and starts to eat her stew. After a few bites, her hand starts to shake violently, to the point that she drops the fork entirely. The utensil bounces on the floor and lands on top of Roxy's high-priced Louboutin heel.
"Sarah these are expensive! These are red bottoms!"
"They are bloody shoes."
"Roxanne, they are just bloody shoes. Why do you worry so much about your outward appearance? Focus on making yourself a better person."
Sarah lectures Roxy as the bombshell disappears back into the kitchen. When she emerges a moment later she holds her shoes in her hand, wiping away at her soiled footwear.
Barefoot, Roxy goes back over to Sarah. She sets her shoes on the floor and returns the fork to Sarah.
"Here. I washed it."
Sarah's hand continues to shake.
"I... am not hungry."
"Yes you are. Sarah, do you need me to feed you?"
Lacklan looks shocked.
"Absolutely not! I am the leader of a nation, Roxanne, I certainly do not need..."
"Roxy. My name's Roxy. Here, let me help."
Roxy scoops some of the stew onto the fork, then holds it in front of Sarah's face. Sarah doesn't budge.
"Open up, Sarah."
Sarah hisses at Roxy though gritted teeth. Roxy then looks inspired. She takes the fork and holds it up, then has it move toward Sarah in loop-de-loops while making airplane noises.
"Heeeeere comes Dinner Force One! Better open up the hangar bay doors! Vrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
"Roxanne, this is completely unacceptable! Disrespectful! I am not a child, and I do NO-UG!"
Roxy jams the fork into Sarah's mouth as Lacklan yells at her, cutting her off. Sarah's eyes grow wide and she silently seethes while chewing and swallowing her food.
"You will not ever speak of this."
"Course not baby. Hey, is that a webcam on your chair?"
"Yes. Kenzi hooked it up for me earlier in case I wanted to vlog."
"Oh wow! How sweet! Do you... I mean have you ever thought of..."
"Okay, okay... I'm just saying, like, there's a whole category for... well, you know..."
SOME TIME LATER
Roxy peers into Sarah and Kenzi's condo bedroom, checking in on a sleeping Sarah Lacklan. The Red Queen rests in quiet repose, having successfully gotten herself into bed without any assistance from the bombshell.
In fact, after the dinner snafu, the rest of the evening had gone well and without incident. The two had chatted, mostly about Kenzi. They made polite small talk until Sarah started to nod off, and then she retired to the bedroom. Roxy had offered to help, but Sarah won that battle. Now, Roxy simply smiled as she looked over her sleeping form.
Roxy starts to leave and close the door of the bedroom, but then she notices a glint of light reflecting from the window off of Sarah's chair. A streetlight reflects off of Sarah's cell phone screen.
Roxy walks over and looks down, noticing that the phone isn't locked. She swipes and sees a text message sent to Kenzi just after she had come into the bedroom.
Come home soon. I miss you, my love.
Roxy smiles in spite of herself. She seems touched. Until she scrolls up to the prior text.
Roxanne is a complete bitch.
The wistful smile disappears. Roxy scowls and clutches the phone in her hand like a hawk with a rat in its talons. She then turns to leave the room with the phone, but pauses just long enough to snatch the webcam from where it is clipped onto the chair's frame before leaving.
"What a cunt. Can you believe what a cunt she is, Max?"
Maxine is sitting in a wooden chair on the balcony overlooking the Los Angeles skyline. She rolls her eyes and looks away from Roxy.
"I come here to help her and she texts Kenzi calling me names. Unbelievable. Well, I'll show her what a bitch I can be. Let's see..."
Roxy swipes through the phone, opening the text app again. She taps into the settings and then smiles.
"Here we go... autocorrect. Let's change R, O, X, A, N, N, E... to... hmmm... ha! R,O,X,Y, space, I,S, space, S,E,X,Y."
Roxy smugly grins at her own reflection in the cell phone screen, then exits from the app. Looking down at the home screen she sees a different app for the cam.
"Oh, neat! She has it all set up through her phone. That's actually a really great idea! She can probably get GREAT angles that way. Isn't that smart, Max?"
Maxine doesn't reply or even turn to look at her employer, which makes no difference anyway as Roxy hadn't bothered to look in her direction either.
"Let's just rev this baby up..."
She presses the app button and the light on the webcam flashes on. Then, the screen on Sarah's phone shows:
~~The PrincessTwilightSexyFang vlog, as viewed on hotgoths.fuckyeah~~
"What the fuck?"
Roxy is greeted by gothy music and then her face opens into a window on the screen. On the side is a chatbox, which quickly fills with confused questions from viewers.
"Oh! Um... hi baby. It's me, Roxy. I'm, like Sarah's best friend pretty much."
More questions and comments. Roxy decides just to minimize the chat window and focuses on getting the cam to capture her good side.
"So... this is Sarah's weird vampire stream? That's cool, I guess. She's sleeping, and, like, not even in a coffin or whatever. She's just a regular person, except for the legs. You know... I mean, maybe I shouldn't say this, but... well her legs look pretty bad. Skinny. Somehow paler than usual. Like... before she had some really good ones! Not like mine, obvi, but they were pretty shapely. Really sad how quickly they deteriorated since the incident."
Roxy looks morose for a second, but quickly perks up and smiles into the cam.
"Okay! So, who wants to talk about me? Yay! I know I do! I have, like, a really big match coming up. I know, I know, they're all big... especially when you're as huge of a star as me... but this is a rematch for the Chaos Title. Like... Kate Steele is such a worthless champion, just like Tolson was before. I don't want to talk about Sam a lot like was doing before, but she and Kate really have a lot in common. See, Kat, just like Sam, only ever shows up in the ring when it's a big deal for her. When it's something she's decided is important enough for her focus. She doesn't give a fuck about being the best, about being a real champion, and certainly doesn't give the slightest fuck about the fans of LAW. See... the only thing that mattered to Kate Steele was her own stupid records. Oh, wow, so cool, Kate Steele never lost at a Night of Glory! Wow! So impressive that Kate Steele has held three different LAW titles! Ooooooooh, I'm so fucking impressed, right? So she got her big record-setting victory, barely, over yours truly on Long Island... but then what? Did she do anything to prove she deserved it? Did she go out and make a splash with the Chaos Title like I did after I won it? Immediately throwing down the gauntlet for a now challenger? No. What dos Kate Stele do instead? She fucking vanishes, that's what. Barely a word from her. I think she sent like three tweets about how awesome she thinks she is, and that's it. She took MY belt and went home and patted herself on the back for two weeks, and then gave the saddest showing in the ring in the entire calendar year of 2017 by any performer on the roster in the following Champions' Challenge. I mean, granted, she had no chance of beating anyone else in the ring with her anyway, but she could have at least TRIED, you know? She even made Crystal Hilton look good by comparison and that's... well, that's not easy, okay?"
Roxy pauses and uses the screen's reflection to fluff her hair up. She then duckfaces into the cam before blowing a kiss and continuing.
"This bitch... did you guys know that I only VERY recently got the rest of that pink shit out of my hair? Seriously. Like, what she did to me is illegal. She basically raped my hair. That's assault, and it's not right. But do you see me sitting here all #MeToo and crying about it? No. Did I go off on some soul-searching sabbatical like our dearly departed former LAW Champion WAAAAAAAAAAAAAmy Jo? No. I got right back in the ring against like seven other girls and I did what I had to do. I tossed bitches like they were beads at Mardi Gras. It's a god damn travesty that the officials at LAW #73 were too busy trying to win sexual favors from Stacy Jones rather than calling the match fairly, because if they had then I'd be gearing up for the biggest match of my entire life instead of slumming it in the semi-main with gutter trash Kate Steele AGAIN. Let me make it absolutely clear, because I know Katie tried to play everything off into some mutual respect Girl Power narrative on Twitter the day after our cage match... I do not respect Kate Steele. I do not think she deserves the Chaos Title, or any of the accolades she's ever gotten from LAW. Maybe once upon a time she was hungry and passionate and not so fat on her own diet of bullshit and, also by the looks of her, way too many carbs... but now? The 2017 Kate Steele that I got into that cage with? She's garbage. She singlehandedly has taken all the work I did, reclaiming the legacy of the Chaos Title, making it matter again, cleaning off the filth of a boring, basic champion... and completely undid it all. Right now, my Chaos Title is sitting on some shelf in Kate Steele's fucking double wide collecting dust. It's probably sitting on top of her TV while Kate and Mackenzie eat extra buttered popcorn and watch Real Housewives, instead of being on my beautiful trophy rack while I train and bronze and model myself like a true champion should. Instead of being held up proudly by someone new and fresh and exciting like MOI, it's just being ignored by Kate Fucking Steele, the bitch that gets handed LAW title shots by the fistful instead of the diet pills that she could actually use. Well guess what Katie? This is your last week as champion. Ever. You think you've got my number because you got lucky one time? You think just because I made a mistake and got caught off guard that it'll happen again? Sorry, bitch, but you've got it all wrong. This is #NewYearNewMe territory and I'm starting 2018 off by wiping the one smudge off my record that's sitting there mocking me. I'm taking a big fat eraser to Night of Glory and starting from scratch. Roxy Cotton, LAW Chaos Champion, just like it should have stayed all through winter. Just because you ruined by Christmas and my New Year's Eve doesn't mean you beat me, Katie... you just pissed me off."
Roxy takes a breath and composes herself, wiping a stray strand of hair from her face.
"See baby... like I've been saying since I got here. LAW is overdue for a makeover. The tired, old, wrinkled faces that have been here since the stone age are driving the fans away. Making them sick to their stomachs. Getting that Chaos belt off of Tolson was step one, getting rid of Amy Jo was a hug step forward as well... but then you came along and tried to RUIN everything by doing what you do best – getting in the fucking way. Well you're done now, Katie baby. You're the past. You're a memory. I'm the future. The way forward. You are nothing but another yesterday, Kate... I... am the Hope. Of. Tomorrow."
Roxy blows another kiss into the cam.
"See you soon baby. XOXO."
Roxy presses the button to end the feed, and then the screen shows the signature picture.
"Ew, what the fuck???"
The screen goes black.
~TO BE CONTINUED~