Post by Alicia Lukas on Mar 9, 2018 8:09:14 GMT -5
Now that you want it
Now that you need it
I'm too far gone
You're trying to blame me
But I'm not breaking
I'm telling you I'm bulletproof
Prologue-Loss
How does one measure success?. Is it simply by the accumulation of titles?. Is it the frequency on which those titles are defended and if so against who?. Is it measured by how many names you can add to your list of conquests?. Is it judged by your bank account?. By how much money you can earn through various contracts and endorsements?. In professional wrestling the tangible success can be looked at as a hundred different ways and by different people on what their life goals are.
Are you a success if you simply make a living as a wrestler?. So many are out there slaving away on the indys earning just enough to pay for gas and a can of tuna and some rice. Are they successful? Or are they the losers we all started off as?. Is it measured in something like happiness?. How many out there draw huge crowds and make money off merch and their likeness but are cripplingly unhappy because when the bright lights fade and the crowd go home they drive to an empty house, to silence and darkness. To loneliness.
If you work hard through your life and get to the end of the tunnel and there is no light there, no one to share it all with then honestly what is the point?. The sacrifices we make for certain successes mean that a real life of success is never what you perceive. It’s never what you really want. I sacrifice time with my sons, I sacrifice time with my soon to be husband. I sacrifice my own body for all that I want and need. But what is my success?....
Is it titles?. Is it being a champion?. In the last year and a half I’ve held plenty of those.
Is it money?. Is it riches and a house or cars?. I have all that. I have a house, a beautiful house, I have a nice car, I provide for my boys and my husband and I have financial wins in investments and a future that is secure.
But that isn’t my success….
My successes. My life goals are personality based. Learning from past mistakes and losses, growing better. That’s what I need to do, that’s where I need to be. And in that regard I have learned to deal with it all. To deal with the thought of loss and the feeling of not being good enough. The heart shattering realisation that you do not fully have your own destiny in your hands and can feel it all slip away at points.
I am one of the best wrestlers in the world.
I am one of the most skilled.
Most athletic.
Toughest…
All of that is inside me, all of that is a fact not just me blowing smoke up my own ass. In the last six years I have bled for everything I have gotten, I never had a damn thing handed to me and I fought and clawed for all of it. Just like most of the roster here and in other companies. See people think due to their past and suffering that they’re owed something. That they deserve is all. But none of us are the unique little snowflakes we wish we were. We lose, we learn, we grow and we conquer. Or...we fall….
And that’s fine….
Life is about falling.
But real success….is getting back up….
Scene One-The Hawaiian Odyssey.
Off Camera
Honolulu, Hawaii
Earlier this week.
The sun beat down on the white sands of Honolulu. Alicia sat on a large white and green chair stretched out. Her eyes covered with a black pair of sunglasses as she sighed happily. Her whole body seemed to relax as she let her skin soak in the rays. Her long blond hair tied up in a high bun as she hummed to herself. She reached over grabbing the long neck of the beer bottle bringing it to her lips as a few cold drops fell from the glass onto her chest. She sighed again and sunk into the back of the chair.
She didn’t even hear Michael return, her eyes fluttering open as a new beer got dropped next to her on the table. Her bright red lips twisted into a smile as Michael took his seat next to her. His tight, fit body on full display as his brown hair moved with the small coastal breeze that came in from the sea. He leaned back and sighed taking a drink of his own beverage.
Michael Reynolds: “Perfect Day right?”
His voice was relaxed and low. A smile appeared under his trimmed beard as his teeth flashed and his eyebrows raised. Alicia was just able to manage a small agreeable noise as she turned her head lazily with maximum effort that she could be bothered mustering. Michael studied her body looking up and down. Her muscular but still feminine frame looking even better in the black and red bikini he’d picked up from the store to surprise her last week. Along with two plane tickets to come here, one of their favourite vacation spots.
Michael knew her so well. He read Alicia like a book and knew she’d need the time away. The time to think and calm down. To get over her loss.
Michael Reynolds: “Are you alright?”
Alicia smiled faintly and gave a small nod, her hand reaching up and to her left to lightly touch Michaels arm. He smiled back and reached down cupping her hand in his kissing it lightly. Alicia adjusted and grabbed the beer downing it. She put the bottle back on the table and sighed again, this time Michael raised an eyebrow.
Michael Reynolds: ”Still on your mind?”
Alicia Lukas: “Kind of hard not to be babe….I’m trying not to but I’m a very competitive person….”
Michael laughs to himself and nods. He sat up and turned to Alicia sitting on the edge of the long deck chair. His hands clasped together as his elbows balanced on his knees.
Michael Reynolds: “There is nothing wrong with being competitive Licia. In fact competitive drive is one of the reasons you’re so successful. But you need to realise the title isn’t what makes you...you...same with that Legacy title you still have…”
Alicia Lukas: “I know but, what if I’ve lost a step?. I shouldn’t have lost. I let so many people down. They all wanted me to beat Crystal an--”
Michael Reynolds: “Stop it….you can’t control everything.”
Alicia pushes up and looks out at the waves rolling in. She picks up her beer and takes the last few drops in it before shaking her head getting to her feet. Michael stands up to meet her, his hands taking hers as he forces Alicia to come face to face with him. He takes off his sunglasses before also removing hers, his hand reaches up and strokes her cheek with his fingertips before kissing her lips lightly but with enough force for her to feel the emotion and love.
Michael Reynolds: “I know you’re disappointed. But the Alicia I know would never let this get her down. In fact, I already know what you’re going to do…”
He paused for a moment and smiled before whispering lightly in her ear.
Michael Reynolds: “Go out there, prove you are the Alicia Lukas everyone is afraid of, and grab some gold while you’re at it…”
Scene Two-Realisations.
On Camera
Washington D.C
Present Day.
“It takes alot for me to admit I was wrong…..”
Alicia Lukas sits on the black marble benchtop in her home in D.C that she shares with her manager and soon to be husband Michael Reynolds. Her legs dangling down off the edge as she swings them lightly back and forth.
“See at my first LAW pay per view extravaganza, in my first title match here in LAW I was all ready to get in the ring with Crystal Hilton. I got to the arena, I had water and stretched, I did some media commitments. It was like every other day and every other event on that scale I had been to in other companies. I’m experienced enough now that I have been able to go through a routine and ready myself physically and mentally for what was ahead. Now, I wish I could make up some kind of excuse like, my steak was undercooked or overcooked. Or that I had the wrong brand of water….”
“Or someone invaded my personal space…”
“But the sad truth is everything was perfect. My sleep the night before, the food, the water, the questions from media. My physical preparation earlier in the day. All had gone to “plan”. Everything right up until I stepped between those ropes and the bell rang. Now I’m not someone who sits there and tries to come up with a game plan for matches. I might watch a little tape on an opponent to figure out certain moves they favor or to see if there’s an injury to exploit that they may be hiding but all in all, I don’t study anything. And here’s why….”
“A game plan only works if the other person does what you think or hope they will. They generally go out the window when you get punched in the face. So when I say everything went to plan. I can tell you that the plan was only up to that point. After that it was all up to me. And I failed…”
“Not miserably….but I still failed…”
Alicia laughs to herself and folds her arms over her chest, her long blond hair falling down over her shoulders swept over to one side as her blue eyes looked out straight and focused.
“Crystal did everything she could to keep that title, I did everything I could to take it and no excuses were needed. That night, rising stars 2018, Crystal Hilton was the better professional wrestler. The Crystal I faced wasn’t the starlet, the singer, the dancer, the actress. No the Crystal Hilton that stepped between those ropes, got in my face and gave me one hell of a fight was Crystal FUCKING Hilton…..Professional wrestler. And I thank her for that….”
“Crystal said I needed to “pay my dues” and part of me knew that was right. I mean I love the fact the powers that be decided I was worthy of a title shot so early in my LAW career. Especially against a woman like Crystal who was so established and entrenched in the lore of LAW. I mean, I won three matches right off the bat. One of those against a woman who was a champion at the time. I did all I could to prove myself and try and elevate my game but deep down when Crystal said I needed to pay my dues, I knew she was right. And in that match I consider my dues paid in full…”
“I respect the hell out of Crystal Hilton. The one I faced at Rising stars anyway. The one I see out on the street or the one I see cutting promo after promo of bullshit?. Not so much. And that’s the issue I have with a lot of the roster. When I run my mouth or “talk shit” it’s facts. Hilton stood there and in one promo talked about how much I “tweet” and then in the next one talked about how I lack charisma and I don’t promote myself like she does all over the place.”
“You people see the contradictions there?....”
“But again, that’s what I have come to expect from a lot of people. They twist words and meaning, they contradict themselves and others, and I don’t have time for that. So I won’t mince words…..very soon I will be very straight, clear and precise about my feelings towards Samantha Tolson….my opponent this week….”
Scene Three-He met my heart
Off Camera
Washington D.C
4 Months Ago
Their laughter was amazing infectious. Like the sound of a chorus of angels descending from the heavens to open the pearly gates and take all the righteous to paradise. At Least that is what the book made it seem like. I had never put much stock in such things after the life I lived.
But growing up in the south, in an old money family of Georgia, I was expected to believe in the divine. In the good pure love of God. But my ex was a good Christian man. He went to church, he gave large amounts to the collection plate all the while tightening his grip around my throat.
Though now I find myself believing in a higher power than myself. Call it karma, call it determination. In the end I'm standing in my home, a lovely house in the suburbs of upper New York found for me by Lara Chambers. A woman who is like my surrogate mother. A woman who has shown me love and compassion who I owe so much too.
I'm happy. Despite the dark clouds over my head when it comes to the line or naysayers and arrogant wannabe’s o have a wonderful life now. A man who loves me and wants what is best for me. My support system and business partner. Michael Reynolds.
He smiles at me even now as I stand against a door frame sipping my coffee. Rory and Ryan, my sweet boys kept laughing and playing moving around Michael as he defends himself from their playful attacks. Rory lands in the couch as Ryan takes Michaels back.
Michael pulls himself up carrying the younger boy as I giggled and put down my cup I had never seen my boys so happy. Michael kept himself at a distance as to not intrude but close enough that they enjoyed their time with him.
But now I had to ask what the future holds for us. This felt like family and happ beds. This felt right and comfortable. Michael and I agreed we didn't want to move to fast. No talks of marriage or the future. We have said we love one another, we feel that connection.
But marriage is something we both have left out. Seeing him with them, seeing his natural look as a father. It warmed my heart. It made me smile and know that it was all going to be alright and that he was always going to be there for them and me. He would never hurt them, he would always care and that is all I ever wanted….
And needed
Scene Four-The beginning
On Camera
Washington D.C
Present Day.
“This has been brewing a while. Hasn’t it Sam?...”
Alicia laughs to herself and raises her eyebrows before pushing out a deep breath and cracking her neck. Her arms lean against her thighs as her hands clasp together, Alicia chooses her next words carefully.
“Since I stepped foot back onto US soil and made myself known, since I came up from being “that weird chick from Japan”. You and I seemed to criss cross paths alot. We’ve run the gamut from being friends and laughing at each others jokes and trying to be there for each other to being bitter enemies over differences of opinion and people. We’ve been in three companies together. WWH, Honor and LAW. Now for people like you and I that seems a little low since we both like to challenge ourselves and try and find the best competition. But our story as far as in ring competition goes to WWH and their inept failure at putting us in the ring. A failure that the company is repeating in different circumstances…”
“See I have never once thought you were scared to face me. I mean not like some other people have been, not like the Becky Balfours of this world or the Courtney Steeles. No you wanted the match and I wanted it too. Sam and I begged and pleaded with WWH to put us in the ring together but those plea’s fell on deaf ears. I was a champion, they wanted Sam to “earn” it and while I thought just the fact she was Sam Tolson was enough they wanted her to...you know...win matches….”
“Sam ended up leaving and while at the time I was furious I somewhat understood. I have also felt the need and want to walk away from some companies due to stupid booking and mind boggling stupidity. See a match between Samantha Tolson and Alicia Lukas means money. You can argue over who the bigger star is and what kind of name sells the tickets but in the end it takes two to tango. The wrestling business is built on the clashes of personalities and even though there are fights going on over the stupidest of things.”
“Relationships, broken friendships, spilled milk, broken iPods. I think I saw one starting over a LFL game the other day.”
“But the real competition, the purest form is when two alpha personalities who think they are the best collide. That’s what it is between myself and Sam. See I don’t hate Samantha Tolson. I never have. We have differences in opinion on personal lives and how to conduct them and also the fact we have both given each other a ton of shit over our relationship decisions. But honestly. That’s just out dynamic. In our hearts we just want to fight and WWH fucked that up and never put us in the ring together. And as much as I would love to credit LAW as being the first place to do that they missed the boat….”
Alicia nods and sighs before looking over at a large poster on the wall of her fiance’s study. The Zero Hour poster from Honor. She smiles warmly and folds her arms.
“August 13th 2017. That was the date that proved my point. The match was booked, we were both champions and the wrestling world slowly exploded. Sam and I talked shit, we cut promo’s we hyped it up and hyped it up to the point of insanity. And then on that day we stepped in the ring and no one was really prepared for what happened next. Sometimes there’s this perfect storm. The right time, the right place, the right opponent and the right motivations. We created magic….”
“Now this might not mean a damn thing to the management of LAW or the fans or even to the roster. While the wrestling world is so open now the truth is that LAW is still compartmentalised and that’s why I said I understood about paying my dues with Crystal and everything I’ve done. I know the cream always rises to the top and the best of the best get seen in a different light and your name will always get you far if it means anything but I also know in this company and in every other one you have to earn what you get….”
“Now by that logic a few of the matches I’ve had and also this one, maybe shouldn’t have been booked. I shouldn’t have faced Kenzi, because she was a champion and is a long standing face in LAW. I shouldn’t have faced Crystal cause even though she and I talk shit and have been at each others throats in Honor we are on different levels here. And then there’s you Sam. In other companies we were more on the same level. We were both champions in Honor, we were names in WWH but here in LAW I’m a 4 match rookie with a loss to Crystal under my belt.”
“But you?...well wow, you. In LAW it could be argued that you are a hall of fame worthy name already. I’m not talking about your accomplishments in other companies, I’m just talking about your career here. Most specifically the fact you made a championship pretty much yours. I mean Roxy and Kate have held that title since you but neither of them have made the Chaos title mean the same as when you had it. That is impressive. It’s a feat I did in two other companies so I know that feeling. It’s a feeling I want to have here in LAW too. And that’s the thing Sam. You have made LAW one of your actual homes. You have made it a place where your name means something. And at rising stars you had a chance to shine against Gabby and you...much like myself failed….”
“I learned from my loss, I realised I took Crystal for granted and I underestimated what happens when she actually makes the effort. And now you and I get to step in the ring and looking at our careers outside of this company we are major stars who should sell out a pay per view in a main event. But that isn’t how all this works. The one thing that I really can’t get my head around about you is that you focus so much on the outside companies. On the other titles you’ve held. You talked about it against Gabby where you said that she was huge in LAW in her own little bubble but in the rest of the industry it didn’t matter. Now, I can crow about my accomplishments and stuff outside LAW, but that’s cause in this company what do I have?....”
“I have three wins, a loss and I have some people taking notice. I have my word as being one of the best in the business and my ego. But you?. You have an amazing title run, wins over huge names in LAW. Your career stands up in this company to almost anyone. Then you face Gabby Camacho who is probably the biggest name in this company and the most successful. So who cares if the rest of the world doesn’t really know her, in LAW she’s a goddamn goddess and in LAW your career stands up to hers. But me?....you strip away everything from other companies and our past….I’m pretty much a nobody. So really Sam...why dwell on it?....”
“I sat backstage after losing to Crystal, I was drenched in sweat and sore and feeling sorry for myself while processing the mistakes I made vowing to not make them ever again in that ring and I watched as you and Gabby almost killed each other. I have never doubted your toughness, I have never doubted your skill, I have never questioned your heart. You have done nothing but question me. You questioned my respect for you because of things I said about you and your personal life. But really, the people who don’t respect you are the women who are not honourable enough to stand nose to nose with you and tell you the truth. I will always do that Sam and maybe because of our personalities we can never be best friends. Cause we’re too damn competitive. But yes, Samantha Tolson I do respect you in that ring. I do hope you’re happy outside of it and I don’t wish you any ill will. But come LAW 78 in front of a crazy Baton Rouge crowd that I’m not just your equal, that I’m not just a woman who took you to your limits, that I am everything I say I am, that I am a woman who changed you in our first match. Cause I meant that Sam. I changed too, I left a part of me in that ring when the match had to be stopped. We both changed that night, and who knows maybe this one will be an even more epic encounter….I just know that I’m excited and I’m ready to go, I will give you my all and when the dust is settled...may the best woman win….”