Post by The Revolution on Nov 21, 2015 11:07:40 GMT -5
”Hell, a place I know all too well. I’ve been to Hell and lived to tell the tale not once, but twice. Hell is being a sixteen year old kid addicted heroin and living on the streets not knowing if you were going to live to see the light of tomorrow or where you were going to get your next meal from. Hell is having to endure verbal and physical abuse from the two people that are supposed to love you unconditionally from the time you were ten years old, driving you to those drugs at the age of fourteen. Hell is knowing that all of that abuse you received at that young age has forced you to close yourself off to people and never let them in completely. Hell is having so many demons in your life that you can’t tell people everything about you because the minute they find out some of the stuff, you might be shunned and looked at in a completely different light. Hell is ruining every single romantic relationship you have ever been in because you can never just trust someone enough to let them in close enough to the point that losing them will hurt you so bad. Hell is relapsing and shooting up heroin again after you lose something you chased after and wanted so bad only to be injured and taken out of action. Hell is not knowing if you will ever see your dream come back because of the stupid choices you made in life and wondering what your next step is going to be.
I know about Hell all too well. Hell is place that hardens you, that makes you a little bit heartless. I’ve learned to be the cold hearted bitch people claim me to be from walking through the fires of hell. I’m pretty sure that at this point, I’m friends with Lucifer himself. Heck, I might even have a seat right beside him in Hell at this point with all of the nasty and awful things I’ve done in my life. Hell, I know my parents are there after the way they treated their daughter. I’m sure they hate seeing me having success in life and working my way towards being happy with the life I’m living. I’m in a good spot finally in life with my amazing friends and an even more amazing girlfriend. My parents probably hate seeing me have a little piece of heaven despite walking through hellfire and brimstone for most of my life. I haven’t been to hell in over a year now but, on Sunday I will walk down that ramp and enter Lucifer’s playground, I will be entering Hell in a Cell. Now, some would say a match like this should be a good place for me since I’m a heartless bitch. I know that in this structure, you can’t show remorse for your opponent. You can’t have a heart inside of that structure and well, when I step into that ring, I never show remorse or kindness so, this might be a great match for me. This match wasn’t my first choice for a match and at first, I was a little scared about entering such a dangerous structure, I’m not really one that enjoys matches where there is a chance for this beautiful face of mine to bleed but, the more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea of stepping into this horrid structure that Keira Fisher wanted so very badly.
Keira, you wanted this match and I accepted in a moment of emotion and then, I regretted it but now, now I’m looking at it as you made the biggest mistake of your life wanting a match like this with me. I know you think that just because you requested a match of this magnitude, you have the upper hand, that you have the advantage walking into Satan’s Playground. Well, I just have a few questions for you. Can you be heartless enough to kill me? Can you be heartless enough to possibly end my career and take away my means to make money? Can you honestly show no remorse towards me with all of the things I have done to you? Can you become the villain I said you are in order to win this match? I just want you to think about those questions Keira, I just want you to sit there and think about all of that see if you can answer those honestly and end up making me suffer to the point that I won’t want to keep going in this match. You are going to have to destroy me both physically and mentally in order to win this match.
Keira, I honestly don’t think you have it in you do completely destroy me in this match. You actually have a heart and actually care about people no matter how awful they are. You actually give a damn about you do to someone in the middle of the ring. Had I been in your shoes and thought I injured you so bad that you were out of action for a while, I would have been proud of that fact. I would have never even thought of relinquishing the Breakout Championship. You on the other hand were told how awful you were and that you weren’t fit to be a champion and you seriously considered dropping the title because you have a heart. I would have embraced the hate and been proud of my actions and let people call me what they will because at the end of the day, I was the champion and I was the one standing tall in the ring and happy with that fact because I was the one that won the match and had the gold. I don’t care about honor, and doing things the right way. All I care about is winning and holding gold because the more you win and hold gold, the more money you make. I only care about the money and nothing will change that in my eyes. I know a lot of people hate that mentality but, people can just fuck off for all I care. I have my friends, my family, and my girlfriend who support me no matter what. I don’t need the approval of the fans, of most of the roster, hell, I don’t need the approval of management for my actions. All I need is the money and the only way to get the money is to win matches and championships.
Keira, after Sunday, you and I, this little feud that started all those months ago because I felt like you weren’t worthy enough to hold the Breakout Championship, ends. After Sunday, we walk our separate paths and we go onto to other things here in LAW. I would like to say that I’m disappointed in that fact because I really have had a blast playing this little game with you but, I think it’s time for us to put this to rest and move on. There is a few added stipulations to this match though and well, it’s a great way to ensure this feud is over for good. You win, I no longer can challenge for a title in LAW. I win, you are no longer allowed to pursue the Breakout Championship as long as I hold it. What a great way to ensure we’re done for good huh? The only problem with this is that first part, you added that thinking you had some sort of chance of actually beating me but, that’s just not the case. You may think this match plays to you because you can play my game where all rules are thrown out the window. Not that I ever cared much for rules anyway though.
Keira, you are stepping into a realm where I can thrive, where all the rules are thrown out the window. When there are no rules that I have to try and bend, that makes me all the more dangerous to my opponent. Do you remember the last time I was in a fight where there were no rules? The last time I had a match like that, I was teaming with Kate Steele against the now former U.S.A. and I thrived and ended up picking up the victory for our team. I love when there are no rules because I can do anything and everything this little brain of mine can come up with. I even have a little surprise for you in our match that I can’t wait for you to see.
Keira, I’m walking into the biggest night of the year for LAW as simply the challenger who is supposed to have her back against the wall. I’ll be walking into Night of Glory as the villain going against the super hero. I’ll be walking into Night of Glory as the person with everything to win and everything to lose. I’ll be walking into Night of Glory without a championship around my waist. I’ll be walking out of Night of Glory though as the new Breakout Champion. I’ll be walking out of Night of Glory still as the villain willing to take on all the little heroes LAW has for me. I’ll be walking out of Night of Glory winning everything and losing nothing. At LAW, the true reign of the Puppet Mistress will come to light. This time though, I will not act on emotions and I will not rush into a title defense and I will hold this title for as long as I want to. Nothing is stopping me from winning this match. I will walk into Hell for a third time in my life and I will walk out of Hell for a third time but this time, I’ll be changed for the better. This time I’ll transform into a champion once again in my career.
______________________________________________________________________________
It was another day at Doctor Johnson’s office. I had visited her about five times at this point in time and the first three we did some hypnotism and then we started our true therapy after that and man,the woman is amazing. Since I’ve been going to her, I’ve felt so great emotionally. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this good mentally and emotionally for this long. Things maybe looked like they were starting to fall into place for me finally and I could live something that resembled a normal life finally.
I sat there in her office waiting for her to walk in and I had one person in particular that I just couldn’t get off my mind. That person was smart, beautiful, funny, and well, she put a smile on my face. She was different than everyone else I’ve ever had come into my life. She made me feel things I never truly felt before. I would do anything to keep her and make sure she was in my life forever. Just thinking of her brought a massive smile to my face. Everyone knows that goofy looking smile people get when they think of the one person that completes them, that was the smile on my face as Doctor Johnson walked in. She sat down and greeted me with a smile as I nodded.
”Hell Jennifer. You seem to be in a really good mood today.”
”I am. It so nice to be in this kind of mood for once in my life.”
”Let me guess, you have a very special person in your life that you can’t get out of your mind”
”Mhm. I’ve only known her, I mean truly known her for a little over a week now and honestly, she means the world to me.”
”Love at first sight?”
”It might be. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before in my life. She makes me feel like I actually mean something to someone as more than just a friend. She makes me feel special.”
Doctor Johnson smiled and typed away at the computer as she let me talk about the special lady in my life.
”If you don’t mind, may ask you her name?”
”Her name is Amanda.
Just at the very mention of her name do my eyes light up with happiness. This is such a strange feeling for me. I like it but, it just feels really strange for me to be happy at just the very mention of her name.
”I saw that smile, I think she is really special to you. Have you been doing the exercises I’ve been giving you?
”I have. I’ve slowly been burning the pictures of my past to let go of it and start fresh and I think it’s working out really well. Ever since I started, I’ve been feeling better and more confident that I can open up my heart to someone and truly let them in and give me a chance to actually love someone they way they deserve. It’s nice because Amanda accepts me for everything I am, doesn’t look at my past and see a completely broken puzzle that is unsolvable. She sees me and she sees a puzzle that is missing that one last piece to make me whole and I think she could be that one missing piece in my life.
Doctor Johnson smiles and nods as she continues typing away at her computer.
”What makes you think that? Are you sure she isn’t secretly judging you without actually saying it?”
”No, I can tell she isn't judging me. She wants to just know me and help me in this journey of life. She sees the good inside of me despite all the bad I've done in life. She sees me for who I am today, not what I used to be. She's a person that is willing to take the few bad days I have and help me get through them helping me get back to the good days I should be having. She understands that there are some things, some secrets in my life that will go to the grave with me because they are the darkest of my demons. She helps me live in the present and not dwell so much on the past and the mistakes I've made. She makes me want to be the best person I can be so I don’t hurt her emotionally like I have so many others in the past.”
”This Amanda does seem quite special to you and I’m glad you have someone in your life like that. From what I have gathered in our previous sessions, you have been through a lot in your brief life. A lot of that, people wouldn’t survive but, here you are, fighting and ready to make a change to yourself and for that, I do applaud you.”
”Thank you Doctor Johnson. You have been a huge help in all of this too as have all of my friends who have stuck behind me all this time and Amy who has never given up on me despite all my failures in the past. If it wasn’t for all of that, I doubt I would be where I am today or if I’d actually be here sitting in front of you today.
”Tell me a little bit more about Amy and what makes you two so close, other than just being family.”
Amy, truly my biggest supporter in life. The one who saved me from Hell both times I found myself there. She’s truly the best person in the world even if some people don’t see it.
”Well, when we were growing up, Amy gave a sense of normalcy when I went to go visit her and her parents. She made me feel like I was just a normal kid and the fact that she was the complete opposite of me, outgoing, loves everyone she meets, all of the stuff that never was me, it gave me a balance in my life. She was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt until they proved to her otherwise. She never shied away from stepping into a social situation and finding a way to make friends. I felt more like her when I hung out with her, she was and still is my hero for everything she has ever done to help me in my life. She drug me out of hell both times I found myself on drugs. She knows me better than pretty much everyone else and I doubt that part will ever change. I will always look up to her and hope I can be half the woman she is and always will be.
I feel a tear start to run down my face as I keep talking about Amy. I grab a tissue from the end table beside me and wipe the tear away
”Amy is probably one of the most loving and caring people I know in this world. She is always willing to give a person a chance even if their past is a little bit shady. Hell, she has taken chance after chance on me despite all of my failures and she will always stand beside me and support me and for that, I’ll always be grateful to her. She found me on the streets of Manchester and she pulled me out of there along with her father and they took me into their house and made me feel like part of the Drew family again despite all I did. She’s the reason I got into wrestling. She’s the reason I’m doing what I’m doing today because I want to be exactly like her even if I won’t admit it to the public. I’m learning something from her every single day and I just wonder why she is such a loving person. Maybe it’s because her parents never judged or ridiculed her for her failures, instead they supported her and told her that everything was going to be alright. They always supported her dream of becoming a wrestler and they both picked up extra jobs to make sure she could live out her dream.
I start tearing up a little bit more at just how happy having someone as awesome as Amy in my makes me. She has been my rock for so long, the one person that kept me from doing anything stupid for the past year. I never wanted to hurt her again like I have in the past and I don’t want to disappoint her. I wipe the tears away as Doctor Johnson continues typing away. Then, I hear the timer go off and Doctor Johnson looks at me with a smile.
”That’s our time for today Jennifer. We are really making great progress with you. Just make sure you keep doing your exercises and keep up the good work. I’ll see you next week.
The two of us stand up and embrace in a quick hug before I smile and turn to the door and walk out towards the exit of the building feeling so much better like I always do after a session here. Therapy has been one of the best things for me and I’m so glad I’ve been going.
[/font][/font][/font][/div]I know about Hell all too well. Hell is place that hardens you, that makes you a little bit heartless. I’ve learned to be the cold hearted bitch people claim me to be from walking through the fires of hell. I’m pretty sure that at this point, I’m friends with Lucifer himself. Heck, I might even have a seat right beside him in Hell at this point with all of the nasty and awful things I’ve done in my life. Hell, I know my parents are there after the way they treated their daughter. I’m sure they hate seeing me having success in life and working my way towards being happy with the life I’m living. I’m in a good spot finally in life with my amazing friends and an even more amazing girlfriend. My parents probably hate seeing me have a little piece of heaven despite walking through hellfire and brimstone for most of my life. I haven’t been to hell in over a year now but, on Sunday I will walk down that ramp and enter Lucifer’s playground, I will be entering Hell in a Cell. Now, some would say a match like this should be a good place for me since I’m a heartless bitch. I know that in this structure, you can’t show remorse for your opponent. You can’t have a heart inside of that structure and well, when I step into that ring, I never show remorse or kindness so, this might be a great match for me. This match wasn’t my first choice for a match and at first, I was a little scared about entering such a dangerous structure, I’m not really one that enjoys matches where there is a chance for this beautiful face of mine to bleed but, the more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea of stepping into this horrid structure that Keira Fisher wanted so very badly.
Keira, you wanted this match and I accepted in a moment of emotion and then, I regretted it but now, now I’m looking at it as you made the biggest mistake of your life wanting a match like this with me. I know you think that just because you requested a match of this magnitude, you have the upper hand, that you have the advantage walking into Satan’s Playground. Well, I just have a few questions for you. Can you be heartless enough to kill me? Can you be heartless enough to possibly end my career and take away my means to make money? Can you honestly show no remorse towards me with all of the things I have done to you? Can you become the villain I said you are in order to win this match? I just want you to think about those questions Keira, I just want you to sit there and think about all of that see if you can answer those honestly and end up making me suffer to the point that I won’t want to keep going in this match. You are going to have to destroy me both physically and mentally in order to win this match.
Keira, I honestly don’t think you have it in you do completely destroy me in this match. You actually have a heart and actually care about people no matter how awful they are. You actually give a damn about you do to someone in the middle of the ring. Had I been in your shoes and thought I injured you so bad that you were out of action for a while, I would have been proud of that fact. I would have never even thought of relinquishing the Breakout Championship. You on the other hand were told how awful you were and that you weren’t fit to be a champion and you seriously considered dropping the title because you have a heart. I would have embraced the hate and been proud of my actions and let people call me what they will because at the end of the day, I was the champion and I was the one standing tall in the ring and happy with that fact because I was the one that won the match and had the gold. I don’t care about honor, and doing things the right way. All I care about is winning and holding gold because the more you win and hold gold, the more money you make. I only care about the money and nothing will change that in my eyes. I know a lot of people hate that mentality but, people can just fuck off for all I care. I have my friends, my family, and my girlfriend who support me no matter what. I don’t need the approval of the fans, of most of the roster, hell, I don’t need the approval of management for my actions. All I need is the money and the only way to get the money is to win matches and championships.
Keira, after Sunday, you and I, this little feud that started all those months ago because I felt like you weren’t worthy enough to hold the Breakout Championship, ends. After Sunday, we walk our separate paths and we go onto to other things here in LAW. I would like to say that I’m disappointed in that fact because I really have had a blast playing this little game with you but, I think it’s time for us to put this to rest and move on. There is a few added stipulations to this match though and well, it’s a great way to ensure this feud is over for good. You win, I no longer can challenge for a title in LAW. I win, you are no longer allowed to pursue the Breakout Championship as long as I hold it. What a great way to ensure we’re done for good huh? The only problem with this is that first part, you added that thinking you had some sort of chance of actually beating me but, that’s just not the case. You may think this match plays to you because you can play my game where all rules are thrown out the window. Not that I ever cared much for rules anyway though.
Keira, you are stepping into a realm where I can thrive, where all the rules are thrown out the window. When there are no rules that I have to try and bend, that makes me all the more dangerous to my opponent. Do you remember the last time I was in a fight where there were no rules? The last time I had a match like that, I was teaming with Kate Steele against the now former U.S.A. and I thrived and ended up picking up the victory for our team. I love when there are no rules because I can do anything and everything this little brain of mine can come up with. I even have a little surprise for you in our match that I can’t wait for you to see.
Keira, I’m walking into the biggest night of the year for LAW as simply the challenger who is supposed to have her back against the wall. I’ll be walking into Night of Glory as the villain going against the super hero. I’ll be walking into Night of Glory as the person with everything to win and everything to lose. I’ll be walking into Night of Glory without a championship around my waist. I’ll be walking out of Night of Glory though as the new Breakout Champion. I’ll be walking out of Night of Glory still as the villain willing to take on all the little heroes LAW has for me. I’ll be walking out of Night of Glory winning everything and losing nothing. At LAW, the true reign of the Puppet Mistress will come to light. This time though, I will not act on emotions and I will not rush into a title defense and I will hold this title for as long as I want to. Nothing is stopping me from winning this match. I will walk into Hell for a third time in my life and I will walk out of Hell for a third time but this time, I’ll be changed for the better. This time I’ll transform into a champion once again in my career.
______________________________________________________________________________
It was another day at Doctor Johnson’s office. I had visited her about five times at this point in time and the first three we did some hypnotism and then we started our true therapy after that and man,the woman is amazing. Since I’ve been going to her, I’ve felt so great emotionally. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this good mentally and emotionally for this long. Things maybe looked like they were starting to fall into place for me finally and I could live something that resembled a normal life finally.
I sat there in her office waiting for her to walk in and I had one person in particular that I just couldn’t get off my mind. That person was smart, beautiful, funny, and well, she put a smile on my face. She was different than everyone else I’ve ever had come into my life. She made me feel things I never truly felt before. I would do anything to keep her and make sure she was in my life forever. Just thinking of her brought a massive smile to my face. Everyone knows that goofy looking smile people get when they think of the one person that completes them, that was the smile on my face as Doctor Johnson walked in. She sat down and greeted me with a smile as I nodded.
”Hell Jennifer. You seem to be in a really good mood today.”
”I am. It so nice to be in this kind of mood for once in my life.”
”Let me guess, you have a very special person in your life that you can’t get out of your mind”
”Mhm. I’ve only known her, I mean truly known her for a little over a week now and honestly, she means the world to me.”
”Love at first sight?”
”It might be. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before in my life. She makes me feel like I actually mean something to someone as more than just a friend. She makes me feel special.”
Doctor Johnson smiled and typed away at the computer as she let me talk about the special lady in my life.
”If you don’t mind, may ask you her name?”
”Her name is Amanda.
Just at the very mention of her name do my eyes light up with happiness. This is such a strange feeling for me. I like it but, it just feels really strange for me to be happy at just the very mention of her name.
”I saw that smile, I think she is really special to you. Have you been doing the exercises I’ve been giving you?
”I have. I’ve slowly been burning the pictures of my past to let go of it and start fresh and I think it’s working out really well. Ever since I started, I’ve been feeling better and more confident that I can open up my heart to someone and truly let them in and give me a chance to actually love someone they way they deserve. It’s nice because Amanda accepts me for everything I am, doesn’t look at my past and see a completely broken puzzle that is unsolvable. She sees me and she sees a puzzle that is missing that one last piece to make me whole and I think she could be that one missing piece in my life.
Doctor Johnson smiles and nods as she continues typing away at her computer.
”What makes you think that? Are you sure she isn’t secretly judging you without actually saying it?”
”No, I can tell she isn't judging me. She wants to just know me and help me in this journey of life. She sees the good inside of me despite all the bad I've done in life. She sees me for who I am today, not what I used to be. She's a person that is willing to take the few bad days I have and help me get through them helping me get back to the good days I should be having. She understands that there are some things, some secrets in my life that will go to the grave with me because they are the darkest of my demons. She helps me live in the present and not dwell so much on the past and the mistakes I've made. She makes me want to be the best person I can be so I don’t hurt her emotionally like I have so many others in the past.”
”This Amanda does seem quite special to you and I’m glad you have someone in your life like that. From what I have gathered in our previous sessions, you have been through a lot in your brief life. A lot of that, people wouldn’t survive but, here you are, fighting and ready to make a change to yourself and for that, I do applaud you.”
”Thank you Doctor Johnson. You have been a huge help in all of this too as have all of my friends who have stuck behind me all this time and Amy who has never given up on me despite all my failures in the past. If it wasn’t for all of that, I doubt I would be where I am today or if I’d actually be here sitting in front of you today.
”Tell me a little bit more about Amy and what makes you two so close, other than just being family.”
Amy, truly my biggest supporter in life. The one who saved me from Hell both times I found myself there. She’s truly the best person in the world even if some people don’t see it.
”Well, when we were growing up, Amy gave a sense of normalcy when I went to go visit her and her parents. She made me feel like I was just a normal kid and the fact that she was the complete opposite of me, outgoing, loves everyone she meets, all of the stuff that never was me, it gave me a balance in my life. She was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt until they proved to her otherwise. She never shied away from stepping into a social situation and finding a way to make friends. I felt more like her when I hung out with her, she was and still is my hero for everything she has ever done to help me in my life. She drug me out of hell both times I found myself on drugs. She knows me better than pretty much everyone else and I doubt that part will ever change. I will always look up to her and hope I can be half the woman she is and always will be.
I feel a tear start to run down my face as I keep talking about Amy. I grab a tissue from the end table beside me and wipe the tear away
”Amy is probably one of the most loving and caring people I know in this world. She is always willing to give a person a chance even if their past is a little bit shady. Hell, she has taken chance after chance on me despite all of my failures and she will always stand beside me and support me and for that, I’ll always be grateful to her. She found me on the streets of Manchester and she pulled me out of there along with her father and they took me into their house and made me feel like part of the Drew family again despite all I did. She’s the reason I got into wrestling. She’s the reason I’m doing what I’m doing today because I want to be exactly like her even if I won’t admit it to the public. I’m learning something from her every single day and I just wonder why she is such a loving person. Maybe it’s because her parents never judged or ridiculed her for her failures, instead they supported her and told her that everything was going to be alright. They always supported her dream of becoming a wrestler and they both picked up extra jobs to make sure she could live out her dream.
I start tearing up a little bit more at just how happy having someone as awesome as Amy in my makes me. She has been my rock for so long, the one person that kept me from doing anything stupid for the past year. I never wanted to hurt her again like I have in the past and I don’t want to disappoint her. I wipe the tears away as Doctor Johnson continues typing away. Then, I hear the timer go off and Doctor Johnson looks at me with a smile.
”That’s our time for today Jennifer. We are really making great progress with you. Just make sure you keep doing your exercises and keep up the good work. I’ll see you next week.
The two of us stand up and embrace in a quick hug before I smile and turn to the door and walk out towards the exit of the building feeling so much better like I always do after a session here. Therapy has been one of the best things for me and I’m so glad I’ve been going.