Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2015 23:31:26 GMT -5
A lot can happen in a year.
You can meet someone amazing, fall in love, get married. You can get a new job, enjoy the company of your closest friends. Celebrate the birth of new additions to your family while nearly losing others. You can also fall out of love. You can also be devastated with loss. Succumbed to depression and give into your carnal desires in order to fill the void.
Then, like the start of a new day all of that is in the past and an opportunity to start over presents itself.
My life in the last year has been a never ending roller coaster ride with up and downs, twists and turns and even some technical malfunction but in the end, the car pulls into the station and you move on to another ride. I've been on them all at one point or another in my career, my life even, but like grandma said in 80's movie 'The Parenthood'... I like the roller coaster the best
What would life be without some thrill?
I can honestly say that I'm happy. For a long time, I thought I would never get over Jax. Never get over losing our child. Never get over the failure our marriage had been. Annulled, staying together only because days later the second line turned pink. And ultimately going our separate ways after the miscarriage.
I don't know why it didn't work. Maybe we were just too different. Maybe it was because he gave up trying when my depression set in. Or Maybe... He just didn't love me as much as he claimed. Once he'd won me from Drake it was like there was no motivation to try anymore. Jackson Blaze definitely needed constant attention or drama.
After that, I'd had a few flings. Men I consider good friends but would never openly admit having slept with. Part of it was my own shame had having sunk so low that I was starved for any male attention I could get, but the other part was that I didn't consider myself worthy of anything more. I'd scared Jimmy away with my desperate need to be loved. I heard he got engaged recently. I'm happy for him.
I had chased away countless men with my possessiveness and jealousy. Not to mention the anger issue.
Most couldn't handle me when I went into full outrage mode.
Chris was different.
And even when I thought I fucked it up, all it took was some drunken singing on the roof of my car, (driven by Ashley of course) to get him to let go.
Ya, I went after Claire Green over her calling me a whore and you know what I think part of me was just made that she hit a little too close to home. Up until recently, As I said a few seconds ago, I did find myself in situations that would put me precariously close to that title. So maybe, I was really beating on her, pretending that I was beating on myself. The old me.
I don't want to say that I need a guy to complete me because I don't. People can believe that about me if they wish but what I needed was someone to understand me. Chris and I didn't start out dating. We started out as friends and naturally that friendship took a different path. A path that lead me to show up at his door at 3 am.
And with all the shit I've pulled, he's still there. Calling himself the luckiest guy on the planet for having me on his arm and as much as I say that I'm a goddess, sometimes you need someone to agree with you and mean it. Even when you're covered in cake batter and you got burn blisters on your wrists. Even when you've been cleaning all day and smell awful. Even when you come home from training and STILL smell awful.
Someone you catch watching you out of the corner of your eye while you play and cuddle with his kitten and he gets that little smile on his face.
Who tells you he loves you, no matter what you do, no matter what happens... he's going to be there.
How did I ever get that lucky?
how did my life turn from being complete shit a year ago to now being perfect?
I wasn't going to question it. I was just going to enjoy it. It was time to let go of the past.
And speaking of the past, Violet Cooper or should I say Ripley was one of those things. I desperately wanted to forget about Drake and AOA and all the horrible things I did and said. Most of them had been directed at Roxi who had tried so hard to get me to see Drake for who he really was. Unfortunately, it came much too late and I ended up in a hospital bed once again. Injured, married to a guy you weren't sure about, and still title-less.
the fact that Violet is hung up on the fact that Drake never really got over me is just par for the course when it comes to her. She can't just let go of anything. AS much as she says she has, guaranteed it's still there in the back of her mind. Festering and bubbling until it finally gets too hot and she blows her top and becomes this alter ego that is hell bent on destroying to demolishing everything in sight. I am simply a casualty of the war she fights within that sick little head of hers.
DThere is no doubt in my mind that Violet really should be in an asylum. No one can control her. Not her husband, not her sisters, not her friends. She claims to have loyalty but yet turned on Kate Steele at the drop of a hat and never fully explained why. Maybe it was because Kate was friendly with me? Maybe it was because I was friends with her ex, Eric James? I don't know and if she really wants to blame me for the reason why she and Drake never worked out then that's just beyond sad. Why should she care anymore? She had Phillip. He treated her like a queen as far as I could see. They were having a child via surrogate in only a few short months. She had this movement that has from my count, four loyal followers.
Why does she need to face me? Why does she need me to quit?
Simple...
Power. Control.
By having me lose; By having me leave LAW there is going to be no one else that will be able to stand up to her and win. there is no one else that is going to get to the bottom of everything. I am her biggest threat and with me around she'll never reach her ultimate goals.
It really is a sad state of affairs.
Violet is truly fucked up. I feel bad for her sisters who both appear to be normal except for a few psychological issues. Heather is an alcoholic but otherwise a sweet girl. Amanda had a nervous breakdown last year over a break-up but thanks to her new husband whom she fondly calls her, "Dark Angel" (Oh yes, I know french. Spanish too but hey, who's counting right?) Otherwise they are both normal people. Moving past their shit to be decent human beings. Hey, Amanda seems to have taken up her husband's faith in God. That's cool. I'm happy for her. She's a good gal.
Violet, on the other hand, she keeps jumping from ships. She keeps changing her mind about who she is or what her plans are. I do gotta give it to her, though... chick beat cancer and that says a lot about how strong she is, but that doesn't mean that she's going to get an easy match on Sunday.
She is going to get the best of me and I'm going to tear her limb from limb and when she cries out that she quits... well I'm going to be the happiest woman in LAW and I have a feeling a lot of other people will be too. If Violet stays in LAW it's not going to bring anything but complete and utter chaos. More so than before because I won't be around to monitor it.
On Sunday, I'm going to put her down once and for all.
You can meet someone amazing, fall in love, get married. You can get a new job, enjoy the company of your closest friends. Celebrate the birth of new additions to your family while nearly losing others. You can also fall out of love. You can also be devastated with loss. Succumbed to depression and give into your carnal desires in order to fill the void.
Then, like the start of a new day all of that is in the past and an opportunity to start over presents itself.
My life in the last year has been a never ending roller coaster ride with up and downs, twists and turns and even some technical malfunction but in the end, the car pulls into the station and you move on to another ride. I've been on them all at one point or another in my career, my life even, but like grandma said in 80's movie 'The Parenthood'... I like the roller coaster the best
What would life be without some thrill?
I can honestly say that I'm happy. For a long time, I thought I would never get over Jax. Never get over losing our child. Never get over the failure our marriage had been. Annulled, staying together only because days later the second line turned pink. And ultimately going our separate ways after the miscarriage.
I don't know why it didn't work. Maybe we were just too different. Maybe it was because he gave up trying when my depression set in. Or Maybe... He just didn't love me as much as he claimed. Once he'd won me from Drake it was like there was no motivation to try anymore. Jackson Blaze definitely needed constant attention or drama.
After that, I'd had a few flings. Men I consider good friends but would never openly admit having slept with. Part of it was my own shame had having sunk so low that I was starved for any male attention I could get, but the other part was that I didn't consider myself worthy of anything more. I'd scared Jimmy away with my desperate need to be loved. I heard he got engaged recently. I'm happy for him.
I had chased away countless men with my possessiveness and jealousy. Not to mention the anger issue.
Most couldn't handle me when I went into full outrage mode.
Chris was different.
And even when I thought I fucked it up, all it took was some drunken singing on the roof of my car, (driven by Ashley of course) to get him to let go.
Ya, I went after Claire Green over her calling me a whore and you know what I think part of me was just made that she hit a little too close to home. Up until recently, As I said a few seconds ago, I did find myself in situations that would put me precariously close to that title. So maybe, I was really beating on her, pretending that I was beating on myself. The old me.
I don't want to say that I need a guy to complete me because I don't. People can believe that about me if they wish but what I needed was someone to understand me. Chris and I didn't start out dating. We started out as friends and naturally that friendship took a different path. A path that lead me to show up at his door at 3 am.
And with all the shit I've pulled, he's still there. Calling himself the luckiest guy on the planet for having me on his arm and as much as I say that I'm a goddess, sometimes you need someone to agree with you and mean it. Even when you're covered in cake batter and you got burn blisters on your wrists. Even when you've been cleaning all day and smell awful. Even when you come home from training and STILL smell awful.
Someone you catch watching you out of the corner of your eye while you play and cuddle with his kitten and he gets that little smile on his face.
Who tells you he loves you, no matter what you do, no matter what happens... he's going to be there.
How did I ever get that lucky?
how did my life turn from being complete shit a year ago to now being perfect?
I wasn't going to question it. I was just going to enjoy it. It was time to let go of the past.
And speaking of the past, Violet Cooper or should I say Ripley was one of those things. I desperately wanted to forget about Drake and AOA and all the horrible things I did and said. Most of them had been directed at Roxi who had tried so hard to get me to see Drake for who he really was. Unfortunately, it came much too late and I ended up in a hospital bed once again. Injured, married to a guy you weren't sure about, and still title-less.
the fact that Violet is hung up on the fact that Drake never really got over me is just par for the course when it comes to her. She can't just let go of anything. AS much as she says she has, guaranteed it's still there in the back of her mind. Festering and bubbling until it finally gets too hot and she blows her top and becomes this alter ego that is hell bent on destroying to demolishing everything in sight. I am simply a casualty of the war she fights within that sick little head of hers.
DThere is no doubt in my mind that Violet really should be in an asylum. No one can control her. Not her husband, not her sisters, not her friends. She claims to have loyalty but yet turned on Kate Steele at the drop of a hat and never fully explained why. Maybe it was because Kate was friendly with me? Maybe it was because I was friends with her ex, Eric James? I don't know and if she really wants to blame me for the reason why she and Drake never worked out then that's just beyond sad. Why should she care anymore? She had Phillip. He treated her like a queen as far as I could see. They were having a child via surrogate in only a few short months. She had this movement that has from my count, four loyal followers.
Why does she need to face me? Why does she need me to quit?
Simple...
Power. Control.
By having me lose; By having me leave LAW there is going to be no one else that will be able to stand up to her and win. there is no one else that is going to get to the bottom of everything. I am her biggest threat and with me around she'll never reach her ultimate goals.
It really is a sad state of affairs.
Violet is truly fucked up. I feel bad for her sisters who both appear to be normal except for a few psychological issues. Heather is an alcoholic but otherwise a sweet girl. Amanda had a nervous breakdown last year over a break-up but thanks to her new husband whom she fondly calls her, "Dark Angel" (Oh yes, I know french. Spanish too but hey, who's counting right?) Otherwise they are both normal people. Moving past their shit to be decent human beings. Hey, Amanda seems to have taken up her husband's faith in God. That's cool. I'm happy for her. She's a good gal.
Violet, on the other hand, she keeps jumping from ships. She keeps changing her mind about who she is or what her plans are. I do gotta give it to her, though... chick beat cancer and that says a lot about how strong she is, but that doesn't mean that she's going to get an easy match on Sunday.
She is going to get the best of me and I'm going to tear her limb from limb and when she cries out that she quits... well I'm going to be the happiest woman in LAW and I have a feeling a lot of other people will be too. If Violet stays in LAW it's not going to bring anything but complete and utter chaos. More so than before because I won't be around to monitor it.
On Sunday, I'm going to put her down once and for all.