Post by Wendy & Fwiends on Feb 27, 2016 21:24:43 GMT -5
All Dem Boxes
(Off Camera)
“Stupid Jestine and her stupid stupidness.” Ignis muttered to nobody in particular as she stepped out of the elevator.
Since the respective breakups of their marriages, Megan & Jestine Leavenworths had gotten their own apartment in New York, to save costs for the most part while the divorce filings came through and they got all dat MONAY. She walked down the hall, before opening the door. She’d become really sick of her sister’s general childishness recently. I mean SHE was supposed to be the baby of the family. Jess was knocking on the door on thirty, and she acted like a little child at times. Let’s not forget the post-concussion helmet wearing stage... actually no. Let’s PLEASE forget that.
Ignis walked into the apartment... and almost instantly fell over a box. “ow.” She said to no-one in particular. At least she’d had a soft landing... on top of another box. In fact, as she surveyed the scene, there was a LOT of boxes here. “DAMNIT JESTINE, I KNOW YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH THE BOX EXPANSION FOR CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY, BUT THIS IS TOO DAMN FAR!” The Firebird yelled out.
“Hey!” Lightning tiddled into the room,a smile on her face. “Watch out, there’s a few boxes around.”
“OH REALLY? Where did you hide them, I didn’t fucking notice!” Ignis growled, practically oozing with sarcasm. “I couldn’t see the boxes... FOR ALL THE FUCKING BOXES!!!”
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll get everything unboxed soon. Harry’s just making a drink.” Lightning said, matter of factly.
“Okay, fine. WAIT... WHAT THE WHO IN THE WHERE HOW NOW BROWN COW?!” Ignis said, not for any reason other than words appeared out of her mouth. “What’s that geriatric doing here?”
“He’s moving in! I told him you wouldn’t mind.”
“Eh-beh-beh...BURRRR!!!” Ignis said, in the continuation of the noise extragavanza. “You just asked this guy you JUST MET to move in?!”
“I’ve known him for years. I watched him on TV as a kid.” Lightning snapped. “Besides, he kinda asked, he had an issue with one of his ex wives, and...”
“Oh fuck you.” Ignis facepalmed. “Don’t tell me you bought that--”
As if right on cue in walks Harry Morgan Stone, a drink in each hand. “Hey Babydoll you haven’t seen the box with all my..Oh hey Meg, good you found my box with all those robes I need for my appearances! I hope you don’t mind, I had to commandere some space, because well.. you can’t keep such priceless handmaed robes in boxes forever now can you? I mean The Hammer has to be at his best when he goes out to meet his adoring fans..none as fair and smart as babydoll here, or as you know her.. Jestine THE WRESTLING GODDESS, am I right?”
With a wide smirk he offered one of the drinks to Jess and looked over at Megan. “If I may say so Meggy, you do look GREAT flat on your face, obviously your best side. Might want to remember that if you do any photo shoots in the future.”
“Gee thanks...” Megan said, finally picking herself up. “So... when were you guys planning to tell me about this?”
“When you got home.” Lightning nodded.
“I JUST GOT HOME!”
“I JUST TOLD YOU!””
“Eh-beh-beh...BURRRR!!!” Ignis said again. “I am totes not okay with this!”
Sipping on his Kamikaze Harry had just stood there silent waiting for something to react.
“Well tough titty said the kitty because I’m going to be living here anyway, Woo! Now Megzilla if you insist on being such a grumpy groucho all the time I may not offer you some of my famous drinks..hell you look like you could use one right now.”
He already knelt down a bit offering the drink before Jess cleared up her throat and brought Harry back to reality.
“Oh right, the non-drinking thing..no wonder you are so wound up all the time, or is it this big tag team match you got coming? I mean Jess obviously does not have any ring rust on her but you Meg, if I may say so..could use some extra time on the gym. I mean no offence doll but you look like you have gathered up a few extra divorce handles on that figure and if you worry too much about fitting into your gear the opponent is going to have an upper hand and..”
Murderous glare from the Firebird was enough to have Harry sip on his drink again. “Just calling ‘em how I see them Meg, no reason to get mensies ragesies over facts. I’m just offering you some veteran advice.”
“You can take your advice and shove it up that wrinkled old arse.” Megan snapped at him, which caused Jestine to look very cross.
“That’s not nice! He’s only trying to help. Why are you so nasty and bitter all the time? I’m sorry Harry, she was in an toxic relationship, and she’s dealing with a lot of baggage, you know? We’re tryingt to work her through it...”
Leaning in to squeeze Jess closer to himself arm around her waist Harry smirks.
“Oh I noticed that baggage baby doll, that’s why I suggested she frequent the gym more, I mean YOU on the other hand..there is not even an ounce of extra on that body and you know it. You just don’t flaunt it like some..more insecure women I could name.”
“DAMNIT... I may not be a fake tan rake like Jestine here, but there’s nothing wrong with being... curvy.” Megan pulled a pouty face.
“Hey, you know I do fitness modelling, right?” Lightning said to Harry, completely ignoring her sister. “Megan wanted to as well, but they said her figure was wrong.
“I’M CURVY... AND I LIKE IT!!!”
“Well someone has to, but you don’t want the fans to refer you to you as goodyear from now on..”
“ARE YOU COMPARING ME TO A MOTHERFUCKING BLIMP YOU DAMN NEAR DEAD SON OF A BITCH!?!”
Looking at her Harry sipped his drink and stated a matter of factly.
“Well if the advertisement fits..”
“Advertisement! We could get her a sponsorship deal! Might as well make use of all that excess space!” Lightning grinned. “I’ll call my agent!”
“...You don’t even have an agent...” Ignis rolled her eyes. “You fired him because he cheated you out of money, remember?”
“Harry! I need an agent!” Lightning whined.
“Luckily I know someone. Love Hammer Managament at your services..” He actually reached into his sports jacket and offered out a card to Jestine, while Meg was ready to just murder this fucker where he stood.
“YOU!? YOU WOULD HANDLE MONEY AND AGENT HER WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN DEPOSIT IT IN A BANK SO YOUR EX’S AND THEIR LAWYERS CAN’T GET TO IT!? ARE YOU INSANE?! ..wait OF COURSE YOU ARE!”
Finishing his drink Harry looked between the two sisters and shrugged.
“Well all my money has to be accessible to my clients at all times, banks have business hours, they have regulations and they have all sorts of stupid security checks. Harry Stone does not live along business hours, I do business 24/7 and 365 a year Woooo!..anyone else want a refill, babydoll? Blubberella?”
“WHAT?!”
“Come on Meggy, live a little, it’s called a joke.”
Megan looked like she was about to do a different kind of blubbering, it was obvious to anyone (except the people who were actually THERE) that this whole thing was really starting to hurt her feelings. “Okay... well, you two have your drinks or whatever. I’m gonna... go pack. We have to leave for Missouri in a couple days... God help us.”
“Hey! Missouri’s fun! Harry’s really looking forward to it too, ain’tcha Harry?”
“WHOOO! ROAD TRIP! WHOOOOO!”
“He’s coming? Oh Lord...” Ignis at this point contemplated whether she should just lock him in the Burning Embers and break his arm, but decided against it. Trying to be nice. Remember... zen. Peaceful thoughts. Happy thoughts.
“Of course he’s coming! He’s my agent, didn’t you hear? He can be your agent too! Maybe we can get you some plus size modelling!”
“I WEIGH LESS THAN YOU!!!” Ignis yelled.
“Yeah, but you’re like what? Four foot nine?” Jestine laughed.
“Not to mention you pack a healthy brain besides that healthy full top babydoll!”
HMS hollered while mixing up some new drinks.
“Healthy brain? You do realize she got snapped in TMZ LICKING HER OWN KNEE, RIGHT?”
“I dropped sauce on it...” Lightning said, sulkily.
“Well beautiful from now on.. I’ll lick sauce off you no matter where you drop it, whoo!”
“PACKING! I LOVE PACKING! LALALALALALALALALAAAAA” Ignis yelled with her fingers in her ears running into the bedroom. Lightning glanced at Harry and smiled.
“I think she’s okay with everything.”
Harry nodded as he handed her another drink. Somehow, Jestine, I think you may be wrong on that one...
SHUT THE FUCK UP (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD)
(On Camera)
The scene opens in the Fireshock sisters’ promo studio they have set up. Lightning... is passed out on a futon, snoring like a motherfucker. Ignis, meanwhile, is drinking a pint mug of what appears to be coffee, sighing.
Ignis: Please excuse my sister. We ran a marathon of all the incredibly tedious Triad promos and she fell asleep. So... um... I guess I’m flying solo for now.
Lightning emits a particularly loud snore, as if to reinforce this point.
Ignis: So yeah, we had a little chance to chat at LAW #42, before being interrupted by my idiotic older sister Undine and then Wendy House hitting her with shit. My name is Ignis, my sister’s name is Lightning, and we are the Fireshock Sisters. Some of you may knows us, many of you may not. So many women and men wrestle in so many different companies these days, you never really know. And it seems logical to me that many of you, our possible opponents included, may not have a damn clue who we are. But hey, if you wanna get filled in, a lot of our matches are likely on Youtube and stuff, so why not check that stuff out? Get a feel for us. Because the simple fact is... we ain’t no slouches. The best damn wrestlers to come out of Wales, that’s for sure. But don’t think we’re arrogant with it. But we bring to LAW years of experience and championship reigns, both of us, and we’re more than excited to bring our skills to a whole new audience. Isn’t that right, Lightning?
*SNORE*
Ignis: See? She’s quivering with excitement. And you should be too, because... well, we kinda know what we’re doing. I’m not gonna say we’re the best. I’m not gonna say we’re the most entertaining. You know why? Because that’s not our claim to make. At the end of the day, it’s you fans who make this sport what it is, and it is YOU FANS who get to decide who you like and who you cheer for. We can come here and talk about how we’re amazing and our opponents are rubbish, and that’s fine. Actually, that’s totes NOT fine, because what exactly does that accomplish? You guys wanna see good, competitive wrestling, and if we call our opponents a bunch of scrubs, well who wants to see that? The whole JOY of this sport is the thrill, the action, the not knowing who’s going to win, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna insult you guys’ intelligence by pretending this match we’re in is as good as over before it started because it’s not. We’re in there with two really talented teams, the established Silent Rage and the incoming Rayne with the now unmasked LAW feature Phage... and both teams have their own legacies, be they here in LAW, or elsewhere. So we shall talk no smack... on the abilities of our opponents. But MY GOD, we’re gonna talk some smack on them as people. Because... the Triad in particular, and ESPECIALLY RAYNE... are some of the most dull, boring, uninspired sinfully IRRITATING people it’s ever been my displeasure to sit through the drivel of. They put poor Lightning to sleep. And this isn’t some petty shot. They have recorded about SIX (I didn’t actually count) videos where they just sit there and talk INANE FUCKING DRIVEL. Half of them didn’t seem relavent to anything. Then they had a couple bits where they talked shit on me and my sister, using nothing as a basis apart from our biographies on the website apparently... and OH MY GOD! SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!
Ignis takes a few deep breaths. The screaming does have one advantage though... it wakes Lightning the hell up.
Lightning: What, who, where? What’s with the yelling?
Ignis: Oh, you’re up. We’re doing a promo on these women we’re facing.
Lightning: Sure. Just carry on yakking while I get my bearings.
Ignis nods.
Ignis: Let me tell you a story. I’ve not always been a nice person. I was the terror of my last company, brutalizing women and being basically a complete bitch. I did these things because of my toxic relationship with my NOW EX husband. Jess here helped me see the error of my ways, and I am trying... oh dear LORD am I TRYING to be a good person. But YOU... YOU ARE TRYING MY FUCKING PATIENCE SOMETHING CHRONIC. You’ve bored Lightning to tears, bored these LAW fans to tears, and in the process PISSED ME OFF. And you won’t like me when I’m pissed off.
Lightning: Okay, I’m up. Just trawling through all the memories of this Triad dross to attempt to find anything relavent.
Ignis: Oh I can get started on THIS shit. New people enter your company. People with legacies. Established. You may not know them. But it’s not fucking hard, if you’re ACTUALLY SERIOUS about this business, to find information. Google. Youtube. Watch some fucking tape. Don’t just sit there on a website, pulling up a biography and making fun of it. OOOH, they’re specialists! They’re predictable! I’m sorry, RETARDS, may we call you retards? Good. I think you’ve mistaken “specialist” for “one trick pony.” Lightning is a devastating suplexer. That doesn’t mean it’s ALL she does. I’m a great submissionist. It’s not ALL I do. Being a “specialist” means you do a specific thing BETTER than the average Joe Singlet. And the more you bitches yap, it’s pretty clear the one thing you specialize in is being DULL AS FUCK.
Lightning: I seem to remember something about how I use the Gredunza as a match ending maneuver, whereas she uses it as a standard move, which in turn means I’m a scrub or something? I dunno. Well, as Ignis was saying, I can finish a match with a spinning fisherman’s buster because I’m a SPECIALIST. In fact... if you can’t finish a match with that move then guess what? YOU’RE NOT EXECUTING IT PROPERLY. You two crazies seem to think this is a fucking video game or some shit... this is real life. This is REAL WRESTLING. You wanna make fun of my moves? I’d like to see YOU kick out of my Gredunza. Because when the move is PROPERLY EXECUTED, it hits the back of the neck. This creates a WHIPLASH effect, which effectively STUNS the body, enabling a simple three count to be achieved. SCIENCE BITCH!!! If you’re not achieving that, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!!!
Ignis looks amused at all of this.
Ignis: I just find it hilarious that they said that we’re not entertaining. Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t, that’s largely up to the fans to decide... but we’re certainly not as insanely boring as they are. You guys basically said in ten thousand words what you could have said in two. I’d bring up more of their yakking, but it just became a wall of noise after a while. Around the point Lightning fell asleep I think.
She laughs.
Ignis: I know, as newbies, we probably have no scope to run our mouths, but... for people with experience, the Triad seem to have no concept of psychology or, ya know, how to make people CARE. It’s not about scoring promo points like this is some kind of GAME. You can yap your gums about shit no-one cares about for eleventy-two so called “promos”. And while you’re doing all that and living our your TV star fantasies, we’ll be over here promoting the damn match, like we’re PAID TO DO. I don’t care if you’re weathergirls, genetically modified crops or soldiers or whatever the fuck you are. Let’s keep this simple. Can you wrestle? Yes. Can you shut the fuck up now please? I hope so. GREAT. Let’s do this!
Lightning: You think you’re better than us, but considering you’ve obviously done NO research or scouting save for a couple website scans... who are you to even say that? Flap your gums all you want. We do our talking in the ring. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is a powerful tool, it can make you stronger. Arrogance flat our gets you hurt. I get the impression you girls, Rayne in particular, fall into the latter category. We’re not gonna stand here and flat out say we’re better than you. We’ll have the damn match to decide that. But if the LAW fans who watched your promos felt about it like we did... there’s gonna be a whole arena full of people PRAYING to see you girls fall flat on your fucking FACES. ALLITERATION BITCH!!!
Ignis: That’s kind of a big word, they might need to look that up. As far as our other opponent, the SIlent Rage goes... honestly, these girls are just kinda freaky. Seems to me they prefer to let their actions speak louder than words a lot though, so they’re a step up from the Triad in that regard.
Lightning: Hell, we actually admire Silent Rage somewhat. Sure, they’re seven shades of mental, and have that whole creepy occult thing going on, but... hey. They didn’t bore the piss out of us. SO YAY FOR THAT! Even if the whole freaky darkness thing is a little weird.
Ignis: Truth be told, thank you for not trying to annoy us like the Triad did. You girls haven’t had the most success so far, but we know not to take you lightly. At the end of the day, we respect anyone and everyone that has the stones to lace up a pair of boots and step into that ring... however sinfully irritating they may be. We all have our own quirks, and heck, Lightning & myself are quirkier than most, but the simple fact is... if you set foot in a wrestling ring, you’re already tougher than most. And the Fireshock Sisters are plenty tough enough to step in the ring with both of our opponent teams. Are we unstoppable? Unbeatable? Hell no, but we’re plenty tough, plenty fun and ready to rock LAW to its foundations. A win here, in our debut at the Rising Stars pay per view event? That’s just the way to get this shindig rolling.
Lightning: Because while this card is STACKED from top to bottom, word has it us guys are gonna be opening the show, and that’s a huge responsibility. Gotta get the crowd warm and fired up, ya know? And it is fitting this event IS called Rising Stars, because it is the starting point of our own stars rising here in LAW. We’re not here to tell you we deserve your adulation. We’re here to earn it. And win or lose, we intend to EARN the respect of everyone in that locker room and watching both at home and in the stands... IN THAT RING. Because for all the blowhard and bravado... that’s where legends and champions are made. We’re coming into St. Louis to start a journey, a wonderful journey, hopefully all the way to the LAW tag team championships. And we would be honoured if you’d all join us on that journey.
Ignis: We are the Fireshock Sisters. I bring the fire, she brings the electricity. And by our powers combined... we’re gonna have a BLAST!!! See you in the ring guys!
And on that note, we fade to black.
(Off Camera)
“Stupid Jestine and her stupid stupidness.” Ignis muttered to nobody in particular as she stepped out of the elevator.
Since the respective breakups of their marriages, Megan & Jestine Leavenworths had gotten their own apartment in New York, to save costs for the most part while the divorce filings came through and they got all dat MONAY. She walked down the hall, before opening the door. She’d become really sick of her sister’s general childishness recently. I mean SHE was supposed to be the baby of the family. Jess was knocking on the door on thirty, and she acted like a little child at times. Let’s not forget the post-concussion helmet wearing stage... actually no. Let’s PLEASE forget that.
Ignis walked into the apartment... and almost instantly fell over a box. “ow.” She said to no-one in particular. At least she’d had a soft landing... on top of another box. In fact, as she surveyed the scene, there was a LOT of boxes here. “DAMNIT JESTINE, I KNOW YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH THE BOX EXPANSION FOR CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY, BUT THIS IS TOO DAMN FAR!” The Firebird yelled out.
“Hey!” Lightning tiddled into the room,a smile on her face. “Watch out, there’s a few boxes around.”
“OH REALLY? Where did you hide them, I didn’t fucking notice!” Ignis growled, practically oozing with sarcasm. “I couldn’t see the boxes... FOR ALL THE FUCKING BOXES!!!”
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll get everything unboxed soon. Harry’s just making a drink.” Lightning said, matter of factly.
“Okay, fine. WAIT... WHAT THE WHO IN THE WHERE HOW NOW BROWN COW?!” Ignis said, not for any reason other than words appeared out of her mouth. “What’s that geriatric doing here?”
“He’s moving in! I told him you wouldn’t mind.”
“Eh-beh-beh...BURRRR!!!” Ignis said, in the continuation of the noise extragavanza. “You just asked this guy you JUST MET to move in?!”
“I’ve known him for years. I watched him on TV as a kid.” Lightning snapped. “Besides, he kinda asked, he had an issue with one of his ex wives, and...”
“Oh fuck you.” Ignis facepalmed. “Don’t tell me you bought that--”
As if right on cue in walks Harry Morgan Stone, a drink in each hand. “Hey Babydoll you haven’t seen the box with all my..Oh hey Meg, good you found my box with all those robes I need for my appearances! I hope you don’t mind, I had to commandere some space, because well.. you can’t keep such priceless handmaed robes in boxes forever now can you? I mean The Hammer has to be at his best when he goes out to meet his adoring fans..none as fair and smart as babydoll here, or as you know her.. Jestine THE WRESTLING GODDESS, am I right?”
With a wide smirk he offered one of the drinks to Jess and looked over at Megan. “If I may say so Meggy, you do look GREAT flat on your face, obviously your best side. Might want to remember that if you do any photo shoots in the future.”
“Gee thanks...” Megan said, finally picking herself up. “So... when were you guys planning to tell me about this?”
“When you got home.” Lightning nodded.
“I JUST GOT HOME!”
“I JUST TOLD YOU!””
“Eh-beh-beh...BURRRR!!!” Ignis said again. “I am totes not okay with this!”
Sipping on his Kamikaze Harry had just stood there silent waiting for something to react.
“Well tough titty said the kitty because I’m going to be living here anyway, Woo! Now Megzilla if you insist on being such a grumpy groucho all the time I may not offer you some of my famous drinks..hell you look like you could use one right now.”
He already knelt down a bit offering the drink before Jess cleared up her throat and brought Harry back to reality.
“Oh right, the non-drinking thing..no wonder you are so wound up all the time, or is it this big tag team match you got coming? I mean Jess obviously does not have any ring rust on her but you Meg, if I may say so..could use some extra time on the gym. I mean no offence doll but you look like you have gathered up a few extra divorce handles on that figure and if you worry too much about fitting into your gear the opponent is going to have an upper hand and..”
Murderous glare from the Firebird was enough to have Harry sip on his drink again. “Just calling ‘em how I see them Meg, no reason to get mensies ragesies over facts. I’m just offering you some veteran advice.”
“You can take your advice and shove it up that wrinkled old arse.” Megan snapped at him, which caused Jestine to look very cross.
“That’s not nice! He’s only trying to help. Why are you so nasty and bitter all the time? I’m sorry Harry, she was in an toxic relationship, and she’s dealing with a lot of baggage, you know? We’re tryingt to work her through it...”
Leaning in to squeeze Jess closer to himself arm around her waist Harry smirks.
“Oh I noticed that baggage baby doll, that’s why I suggested she frequent the gym more, I mean YOU on the other hand..there is not even an ounce of extra on that body and you know it. You just don’t flaunt it like some..more insecure women I could name.”
“DAMNIT... I may not be a fake tan rake like Jestine here, but there’s nothing wrong with being... curvy.” Megan pulled a pouty face.
“Hey, you know I do fitness modelling, right?” Lightning said to Harry, completely ignoring her sister. “Megan wanted to as well, but they said her figure was wrong.
“I’M CURVY... AND I LIKE IT!!!”
“Well someone has to, but you don’t want the fans to refer you to you as goodyear from now on..”
“ARE YOU COMPARING ME TO A MOTHERFUCKING BLIMP YOU DAMN NEAR DEAD SON OF A BITCH!?!”
Looking at her Harry sipped his drink and stated a matter of factly.
“Well if the advertisement fits..”
“Advertisement! We could get her a sponsorship deal! Might as well make use of all that excess space!” Lightning grinned. “I’ll call my agent!”
“...You don’t even have an agent...” Ignis rolled her eyes. “You fired him because he cheated you out of money, remember?”
“Harry! I need an agent!” Lightning whined.
“Luckily I know someone. Love Hammer Managament at your services..” He actually reached into his sports jacket and offered out a card to Jestine, while Meg was ready to just murder this fucker where he stood.
“YOU!? YOU WOULD HANDLE MONEY AND AGENT HER WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN DEPOSIT IT IN A BANK SO YOUR EX’S AND THEIR LAWYERS CAN’T GET TO IT!? ARE YOU INSANE?! ..wait OF COURSE YOU ARE!”
Finishing his drink Harry looked between the two sisters and shrugged.
“Well all my money has to be accessible to my clients at all times, banks have business hours, they have regulations and they have all sorts of stupid security checks. Harry Stone does not live along business hours, I do business 24/7 and 365 a year Woooo!..anyone else want a refill, babydoll? Blubberella?”
“WHAT?!”
“Come on Meggy, live a little, it’s called a joke.”
Megan looked like she was about to do a different kind of blubbering, it was obvious to anyone (except the people who were actually THERE) that this whole thing was really starting to hurt her feelings. “Okay... well, you two have your drinks or whatever. I’m gonna... go pack. We have to leave for Missouri in a couple days... God help us.”
“Hey! Missouri’s fun! Harry’s really looking forward to it too, ain’tcha Harry?”
“WHOOO! ROAD TRIP! WHOOOOO!”
“He’s coming? Oh Lord...” Ignis at this point contemplated whether she should just lock him in the Burning Embers and break his arm, but decided against it. Trying to be nice. Remember... zen. Peaceful thoughts. Happy thoughts.
“Of course he’s coming! He’s my agent, didn’t you hear? He can be your agent too! Maybe we can get you some plus size modelling!”
“I WEIGH LESS THAN YOU!!!” Ignis yelled.
“Yeah, but you’re like what? Four foot nine?” Jestine laughed.
“Not to mention you pack a healthy brain besides that healthy full top babydoll!”
HMS hollered while mixing up some new drinks.
“Healthy brain? You do realize she got snapped in TMZ LICKING HER OWN KNEE, RIGHT?”
“I dropped sauce on it...” Lightning said, sulkily.
“Well beautiful from now on.. I’ll lick sauce off you no matter where you drop it, whoo!”
“PACKING! I LOVE PACKING! LALALALALALALALALAAAAA” Ignis yelled with her fingers in her ears running into the bedroom. Lightning glanced at Harry and smiled.
“I think she’s okay with everything.”
Harry nodded as he handed her another drink. Somehow, Jestine, I think you may be wrong on that one...
SHUT THE FUCK UP (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD)
(On Camera)
The scene opens in the Fireshock sisters’ promo studio they have set up. Lightning... is passed out on a futon, snoring like a motherfucker. Ignis, meanwhile, is drinking a pint mug of what appears to be coffee, sighing.
Ignis: Please excuse my sister. We ran a marathon of all the incredibly tedious Triad promos and she fell asleep. So... um... I guess I’m flying solo for now.
Lightning emits a particularly loud snore, as if to reinforce this point.
Ignis: So yeah, we had a little chance to chat at LAW #42, before being interrupted by my idiotic older sister Undine and then Wendy House hitting her with shit. My name is Ignis, my sister’s name is Lightning, and we are the Fireshock Sisters. Some of you may knows us, many of you may not. So many women and men wrestle in so many different companies these days, you never really know. And it seems logical to me that many of you, our possible opponents included, may not have a damn clue who we are. But hey, if you wanna get filled in, a lot of our matches are likely on Youtube and stuff, so why not check that stuff out? Get a feel for us. Because the simple fact is... we ain’t no slouches. The best damn wrestlers to come out of Wales, that’s for sure. But don’t think we’re arrogant with it. But we bring to LAW years of experience and championship reigns, both of us, and we’re more than excited to bring our skills to a whole new audience. Isn’t that right, Lightning?
*SNORE*
Ignis: See? She’s quivering with excitement. And you should be too, because... well, we kinda know what we’re doing. I’m not gonna say we’re the best. I’m not gonna say we’re the most entertaining. You know why? Because that’s not our claim to make. At the end of the day, it’s you fans who make this sport what it is, and it is YOU FANS who get to decide who you like and who you cheer for. We can come here and talk about how we’re amazing and our opponents are rubbish, and that’s fine. Actually, that’s totes NOT fine, because what exactly does that accomplish? You guys wanna see good, competitive wrestling, and if we call our opponents a bunch of scrubs, well who wants to see that? The whole JOY of this sport is the thrill, the action, the not knowing who’s going to win, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna insult you guys’ intelligence by pretending this match we’re in is as good as over before it started because it’s not. We’re in there with two really talented teams, the established Silent Rage and the incoming Rayne with the now unmasked LAW feature Phage... and both teams have their own legacies, be they here in LAW, or elsewhere. So we shall talk no smack... on the abilities of our opponents. But MY GOD, we’re gonna talk some smack on them as people. Because... the Triad in particular, and ESPECIALLY RAYNE... are some of the most dull, boring, uninspired sinfully IRRITATING people it’s ever been my displeasure to sit through the drivel of. They put poor Lightning to sleep. And this isn’t some petty shot. They have recorded about SIX (I didn’t actually count) videos where they just sit there and talk INANE FUCKING DRIVEL. Half of them didn’t seem relavent to anything. Then they had a couple bits where they talked shit on me and my sister, using nothing as a basis apart from our biographies on the website apparently... and OH MY GOD! SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!
Ignis takes a few deep breaths. The screaming does have one advantage though... it wakes Lightning the hell up.
Lightning: What, who, where? What’s with the yelling?
Ignis: Oh, you’re up. We’re doing a promo on these women we’re facing.
Lightning: Sure. Just carry on yakking while I get my bearings.
Ignis nods.
Ignis: Let me tell you a story. I’ve not always been a nice person. I was the terror of my last company, brutalizing women and being basically a complete bitch. I did these things because of my toxic relationship with my NOW EX husband. Jess here helped me see the error of my ways, and I am trying... oh dear LORD am I TRYING to be a good person. But YOU... YOU ARE TRYING MY FUCKING PATIENCE SOMETHING CHRONIC. You’ve bored Lightning to tears, bored these LAW fans to tears, and in the process PISSED ME OFF. And you won’t like me when I’m pissed off.
Lightning: Okay, I’m up. Just trawling through all the memories of this Triad dross to attempt to find anything relavent.
Ignis: Oh I can get started on THIS shit. New people enter your company. People with legacies. Established. You may not know them. But it’s not fucking hard, if you’re ACTUALLY SERIOUS about this business, to find information. Google. Youtube. Watch some fucking tape. Don’t just sit there on a website, pulling up a biography and making fun of it. OOOH, they’re specialists! They’re predictable! I’m sorry, RETARDS, may we call you retards? Good. I think you’ve mistaken “specialist” for “one trick pony.” Lightning is a devastating suplexer. That doesn’t mean it’s ALL she does. I’m a great submissionist. It’s not ALL I do. Being a “specialist” means you do a specific thing BETTER than the average Joe Singlet. And the more you bitches yap, it’s pretty clear the one thing you specialize in is being DULL AS FUCK.
Lightning: I seem to remember something about how I use the Gredunza as a match ending maneuver, whereas she uses it as a standard move, which in turn means I’m a scrub or something? I dunno. Well, as Ignis was saying, I can finish a match with a spinning fisherman’s buster because I’m a SPECIALIST. In fact... if you can’t finish a match with that move then guess what? YOU’RE NOT EXECUTING IT PROPERLY. You two crazies seem to think this is a fucking video game or some shit... this is real life. This is REAL WRESTLING. You wanna make fun of my moves? I’d like to see YOU kick out of my Gredunza. Because when the move is PROPERLY EXECUTED, it hits the back of the neck. This creates a WHIPLASH effect, which effectively STUNS the body, enabling a simple three count to be achieved. SCIENCE BITCH!!! If you’re not achieving that, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!!!
Ignis looks amused at all of this.
Ignis: I just find it hilarious that they said that we’re not entertaining. Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t, that’s largely up to the fans to decide... but we’re certainly not as insanely boring as they are. You guys basically said in ten thousand words what you could have said in two. I’d bring up more of their yakking, but it just became a wall of noise after a while. Around the point Lightning fell asleep I think.
She laughs.
Ignis: I know, as newbies, we probably have no scope to run our mouths, but... for people with experience, the Triad seem to have no concept of psychology or, ya know, how to make people CARE. It’s not about scoring promo points like this is some kind of GAME. You can yap your gums about shit no-one cares about for eleventy-two so called “promos”. And while you’re doing all that and living our your TV star fantasies, we’ll be over here promoting the damn match, like we’re PAID TO DO. I don’t care if you’re weathergirls, genetically modified crops or soldiers or whatever the fuck you are. Let’s keep this simple. Can you wrestle? Yes. Can you shut the fuck up now please? I hope so. GREAT. Let’s do this!
Lightning: You think you’re better than us, but considering you’ve obviously done NO research or scouting save for a couple website scans... who are you to even say that? Flap your gums all you want. We do our talking in the ring. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is a powerful tool, it can make you stronger. Arrogance flat our gets you hurt. I get the impression you girls, Rayne in particular, fall into the latter category. We’re not gonna stand here and flat out say we’re better than you. We’ll have the damn match to decide that. But if the LAW fans who watched your promos felt about it like we did... there’s gonna be a whole arena full of people PRAYING to see you girls fall flat on your fucking FACES. ALLITERATION BITCH!!!
Ignis: That’s kind of a big word, they might need to look that up. As far as our other opponent, the SIlent Rage goes... honestly, these girls are just kinda freaky. Seems to me they prefer to let their actions speak louder than words a lot though, so they’re a step up from the Triad in that regard.
Lightning: Hell, we actually admire Silent Rage somewhat. Sure, they’re seven shades of mental, and have that whole creepy occult thing going on, but... hey. They didn’t bore the piss out of us. SO YAY FOR THAT! Even if the whole freaky darkness thing is a little weird.
Ignis: Truth be told, thank you for not trying to annoy us like the Triad did. You girls haven’t had the most success so far, but we know not to take you lightly. At the end of the day, we respect anyone and everyone that has the stones to lace up a pair of boots and step into that ring... however sinfully irritating they may be. We all have our own quirks, and heck, Lightning & myself are quirkier than most, but the simple fact is... if you set foot in a wrestling ring, you’re already tougher than most. And the Fireshock Sisters are plenty tough enough to step in the ring with both of our opponent teams. Are we unstoppable? Unbeatable? Hell no, but we’re plenty tough, plenty fun and ready to rock LAW to its foundations. A win here, in our debut at the Rising Stars pay per view event? That’s just the way to get this shindig rolling.
Lightning: Because while this card is STACKED from top to bottom, word has it us guys are gonna be opening the show, and that’s a huge responsibility. Gotta get the crowd warm and fired up, ya know? And it is fitting this event IS called Rising Stars, because it is the starting point of our own stars rising here in LAW. We’re not here to tell you we deserve your adulation. We’re here to earn it. And win or lose, we intend to EARN the respect of everyone in that locker room and watching both at home and in the stands... IN THAT RING. Because for all the blowhard and bravado... that’s where legends and champions are made. We’re coming into St. Louis to start a journey, a wonderful journey, hopefully all the way to the LAW tag team championships. And we would be honoured if you’d all join us on that journey.
Ignis: We are the Fireshock Sisters. I bring the fire, she brings the electricity. And by our powers combined... we’re gonna have a BLAST!!! See you in the ring guys!
And on that note, we fade to black.