Post by Lucas Dupree on Dec 8, 2017 19:33:40 GMT -5
First, let me say that everyone here did an amazing job. Every match, save for one, was incredibly difficult to judge, and I even figure some of the feedback I’m about to give is nitpicking to an extent. Sometimes it’s the minor things that swing one things.
So, here’s how I look at things. I’ve told many people who have asked my advice and how they can improve, the thing I like to do is this: I pretend I have never read any of your stuff before. Even if I have. Even if I know your character pretty well, I go into every rp with the same mindset.
“I know nothing about this character. Let me see what I learn, and what I can gather from CD and promo combined.”
Basically, I should be able to learn who your character is, and learn a little more every time I read your rp.
It’s simple, if you’re a heel, act like a heel. Lie, be obnoxious, angry, cocky, an asshole, etc. etc. If you’re a face, put over the match, what it means to you, say the things that people want to say to the heel. I shouldn’t need to read your bio to figure out your alignment, unless you are a tweener, then it’s kind of a grey area. But, the point is, I should know right away, what your character is, who they are, based on what you write, and what little things you put into said writing.
Having said that, let’s move on.
Maya/Kaylin
I didn’t have to read too much into this since Lupus didn’t put in anything for me to really look at. Anyway, Maya did a good job, still a little difficult for match writing to write a blind character. It would be such a weird thing for a wrestling company to employ a blind wrestler. Otherwise, it was solid.
Stacy/Sam
Stacy: The 2nd rp was awesome. It really, really enjoyed that whole graveyard visit. It was really the first rp’s cd that really left me kinda expecting more. It boiled down to, Stacy and Jen just saying Stacy had a match and she needed to be ready for it. Which is okay, but I would have like to have more from their conversation. It just kind of ended, I would have liked to see it continue. The promo in both was well done. It just felt to me that the first rp’s cd was just thrown in for some cd sake. Gotta make that stuff count when you’re doing it.
Sam: Just as a minor thing here, Sometimes reading your stuff is hard to follow because I don’t know who’s speaking, so I have re-read things a few times to figure it out. Anyway, minus that, the cd in the first was done well and developed. This is what I expect every time. I understood Sam’s state and it clicked. The second rp lost a little bit of focus and you spent a lot of time talking about a person you weren’t facing, but I understood why. Try to keep that to a minimum though.
Dynasty/Naughty Girls
Dynasty: I really liked both rp’s cd section. Especially the Kayla being a homewrecker kind of deal. It was an entertaining read. But I felt the promos were a bit lacking. There’s just a lack of flair to it. “We’re going to kick your ass” is okay, but everybody can do that. There just wasn’t a lot to go on for me. Not enough meat on the bone as it were.
Naughty Girls: The promos where each girl focused on one person was a nice touch. I kind of feel like reading every Naughty girls rp that I’m just getting like snippets of what goes on, which is a good way to hook long term reading, but I just feel like I’m missing a lot more and it feels incomplete. Like there’s a big “SCENE MISSING” reel somewhere.
Kate/Roxy
This match was close. Not gonna lie.
Roxy: I feel like I read the same rp twice. The only difference is, instead of a pink moth, it was a pink rat. I fully understood that Roxy hates the Pink ladies and all that, this was beating and sodomizing the horse. The other scenes were entertaining as usual, Dan is a very solid writer. But the bulk of both was a pink animal being killed. I got it the first time. The promo was well done, and I understood the references, but a large chunk was spent on someone else.
Kate: It’s clear that Kate needs some kind of support. It kind of bugs me in the same way it helps Kate as a character. While the fan/autograph session thing is a bit tired, it worked for what happened. It did drag at times. The second rp was kind of out of nowhere with the suicide thing, but thankfully, that was minor. The promo was good. Again, more references to people not in the match, and a little bit repeated, but it was CD and then put into promo.
Ladder Match
Nova: I liked both CD pieces very much. The Declan/Nova relationship is/was done well. The Preston character really shines as a douche. The first promo piece was well done. It’s the 2nd rp where it kind of went haywire. The Jerry Springer type show was funny, but that kind of drug the rp down a little. I like parody as much as the next person, but it seemed to just be padded in there, even though I know it wasn’t the intention. I found myself skimming it after a while. A sign to me that it was just not necessary.
Milisandre: EXPOSITION! EXPOSITION! Holy crap that was a lot on that first rp. Too much in fact. While it was helpful, and ticked the boxes I mentioned above, it felt like “Here’s everything that Mil has ever had happen.” Crammed into this rp. It really took me out of the setting, because there was so much cause, and not really a lot of effect. I see now why there was an apology from you, Nick. Anyway, the promos were done well, as I know you’ve never had an issue with trash talk.
Kenzi: A lot of exposition again, but refined to where it caught me up, but moved at a quick enough pace to plug the story along. Kenzi’s actions felt genuine during the CD, of the first rp felt genuine and while the interview with exposed also felt a bit cliché, it served its purpose.
Etsuko: Again, Joe’s writing is good, but I feel like I get snippets of something longer and it just ends.
Angels/Queens
Queens: Angie’s rp was entertaining and told a good story with the backstory of Angie in Sunday school/boarding school, but it played only a small role in the rest of the story. I understood why they went to the sex shop to get in the mindset of Zoey, but I would have liked to see this part of the backstory play more of a role in what Angie does. It just seemed like it was there just for the one point of Angie not liking sex toys and bondage and whatnot. Will it play more into Angie’s future? I’m curious to see. The promo was decent, but it kind of felt like Angie was running out of things to say. Perhaps another paragraph or so would have pushed it to a better point.
Ashley’s rp felt a series of unrelated events. I couldn’t really find the connection between the three scenes and then the promo. They did well to tell me about Ashley and how things can change. But it didn’t really connect well. The advocate speaking for Ashley is kind of redundant to me when Ash is more than capable of cutting a great promo.
Angels: Zoey going through a mental breakdown was explained well, the manifestations were a bit cartoonish to me, but I understood the point. Her distractions were aplenty, and that was fine. The promo got a little long and began to drag, and ended bordering on too much.
Farrah’s cd was done well and there were some interesting developments, but it was also clear to see the Farrah/Zoey friendship is well done. The promo once again felt long, and Zoey basically re-promoing felt redundant.
AJS/Gabby
AJS: The cd’s was excellent. You have never not been good at it. I will just say that some of it ran long. Some scenes just felt long and it took away from the rp. The promos was decent. To me, it felt like a lot wasn’t there and came back as lacking.
Gabby: Much like with Sam, indicating who’s talking helps people follow the story a lot better. The story also felt incomplete or just summarized for the sake of time. Dialog takes up a lot less space than you’d think. The promos were very good. Sometimes you tend to trip yourself up and it goes off the rails, but you reel it in at the end.
So, there you have it. I hope that this helps. This is not aimed to attack anyone or make you guys feel bad. Again, you all did a great job. It's the hardest, most fun, but most frustrating thing in efedding. All you guys rocked it, and if this helps, then I'm always happy to do so. And it may just be this fed that looks at things the way I do, I may come off as harsh at times, but all you guys know I'm just looking to help.
So, here’s how I look at things. I’ve told many people who have asked my advice and how they can improve, the thing I like to do is this: I pretend I have never read any of your stuff before. Even if I have. Even if I know your character pretty well, I go into every rp with the same mindset.
“I know nothing about this character. Let me see what I learn, and what I can gather from CD and promo combined.”
Basically, I should be able to learn who your character is, and learn a little more every time I read your rp.
It’s simple, if you’re a heel, act like a heel. Lie, be obnoxious, angry, cocky, an asshole, etc. etc. If you’re a face, put over the match, what it means to you, say the things that people want to say to the heel. I shouldn’t need to read your bio to figure out your alignment, unless you are a tweener, then it’s kind of a grey area. But, the point is, I should know right away, what your character is, who they are, based on what you write, and what little things you put into said writing.
Having said that, let’s move on.
Maya/Kaylin
I didn’t have to read too much into this since Lupus didn’t put in anything for me to really look at. Anyway, Maya did a good job, still a little difficult for match writing to write a blind character. It would be such a weird thing for a wrestling company to employ a blind wrestler. Otherwise, it was solid.
Stacy/Sam
Stacy: The 2nd rp was awesome. It really, really enjoyed that whole graveyard visit. It was really the first rp’s cd that really left me kinda expecting more. It boiled down to, Stacy and Jen just saying Stacy had a match and she needed to be ready for it. Which is okay, but I would have like to have more from their conversation. It just kind of ended, I would have liked to see it continue. The promo in both was well done. It just felt to me that the first rp’s cd was just thrown in for some cd sake. Gotta make that stuff count when you’re doing it.
Sam: Just as a minor thing here, Sometimes reading your stuff is hard to follow because I don’t know who’s speaking, so I have re-read things a few times to figure it out. Anyway, minus that, the cd in the first was done well and developed. This is what I expect every time. I understood Sam’s state and it clicked. The second rp lost a little bit of focus and you spent a lot of time talking about a person you weren’t facing, but I understood why. Try to keep that to a minimum though.
Dynasty/Naughty Girls
Dynasty: I really liked both rp’s cd section. Especially the Kayla being a homewrecker kind of deal. It was an entertaining read. But I felt the promos were a bit lacking. There’s just a lack of flair to it. “We’re going to kick your ass” is okay, but everybody can do that. There just wasn’t a lot to go on for me. Not enough meat on the bone as it were.
Naughty Girls: The promos where each girl focused on one person was a nice touch. I kind of feel like reading every Naughty girls rp that I’m just getting like snippets of what goes on, which is a good way to hook long term reading, but I just feel like I’m missing a lot more and it feels incomplete. Like there’s a big “SCENE MISSING” reel somewhere.
Kate/Roxy
This match was close. Not gonna lie.
Roxy: I feel like I read the same rp twice. The only difference is, instead of a pink moth, it was a pink rat. I fully understood that Roxy hates the Pink ladies and all that, this was beating and sodomizing the horse. The other scenes were entertaining as usual, Dan is a very solid writer. But the bulk of both was a pink animal being killed. I got it the first time. The promo was well done, and I understood the references, but a large chunk was spent on someone else.
Kate: It’s clear that Kate needs some kind of support. It kind of bugs me in the same way it helps Kate as a character. While the fan/autograph session thing is a bit tired, it worked for what happened. It did drag at times. The second rp was kind of out of nowhere with the suicide thing, but thankfully, that was minor. The promo was good. Again, more references to people not in the match, and a little bit repeated, but it was CD and then put into promo.
Ladder Match
Nova: I liked both CD pieces very much. The Declan/Nova relationship is/was done well. The Preston character really shines as a douche. The first promo piece was well done. It’s the 2nd rp where it kind of went haywire. The Jerry Springer type show was funny, but that kind of drug the rp down a little. I like parody as much as the next person, but it seemed to just be padded in there, even though I know it wasn’t the intention. I found myself skimming it after a while. A sign to me that it was just not necessary.
Milisandre: EXPOSITION! EXPOSITION! Holy crap that was a lot on that first rp. Too much in fact. While it was helpful, and ticked the boxes I mentioned above, it felt like “Here’s everything that Mil has ever had happen.” Crammed into this rp. It really took me out of the setting, because there was so much cause, and not really a lot of effect. I see now why there was an apology from you, Nick. Anyway, the promos were done well, as I know you’ve never had an issue with trash talk.
Kenzi: A lot of exposition again, but refined to where it caught me up, but moved at a quick enough pace to plug the story along. Kenzi’s actions felt genuine during the CD, of the first rp felt genuine and while the interview with exposed also felt a bit cliché, it served its purpose.
Etsuko: Again, Joe’s writing is good, but I feel like I get snippets of something longer and it just ends.
Angels/Queens
Queens: Angie’s rp was entertaining and told a good story with the backstory of Angie in Sunday school/boarding school, but it played only a small role in the rest of the story. I understood why they went to the sex shop to get in the mindset of Zoey, but I would have liked to see this part of the backstory play more of a role in what Angie does. It just seemed like it was there just for the one point of Angie not liking sex toys and bondage and whatnot. Will it play more into Angie’s future? I’m curious to see. The promo was decent, but it kind of felt like Angie was running out of things to say. Perhaps another paragraph or so would have pushed it to a better point.
Ashley’s rp felt a series of unrelated events. I couldn’t really find the connection between the three scenes and then the promo. They did well to tell me about Ashley and how things can change. But it didn’t really connect well. The advocate speaking for Ashley is kind of redundant to me when Ash is more than capable of cutting a great promo.
Angels: Zoey going through a mental breakdown was explained well, the manifestations were a bit cartoonish to me, but I understood the point. Her distractions were aplenty, and that was fine. The promo got a little long and began to drag, and ended bordering on too much.
Farrah’s cd was done well and there were some interesting developments, but it was also clear to see the Farrah/Zoey friendship is well done. The promo once again felt long, and Zoey basically re-promoing felt redundant.
AJS/Gabby
AJS: The cd’s was excellent. You have never not been good at it. I will just say that some of it ran long. Some scenes just felt long and it took away from the rp. The promos was decent. To me, it felt like a lot wasn’t there and came back as lacking.
Gabby: Much like with Sam, indicating who’s talking helps people follow the story a lot better. The story also felt incomplete or just summarized for the sake of time. Dialog takes up a lot less space than you’d think. The promos were very good. Sometimes you tend to trip yourself up and it goes off the rails, but you reel it in at the end.
So, there you have it. I hope that this helps. This is not aimed to attack anyone or make you guys feel bad. Again, you all did a great job. It's the hardest, most fun, but most frustrating thing in efedding. All you guys rocked it, and if this helps, then I'm always happy to do so. And it may just be this fed that looks at things the way I do, I may come off as harsh at times, but all you guys know I'm just looking to help.
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