Post by Alicia Lukas on Feb 8, 2018 6:29:05 GMT -5
Prologue-You keep what you kill…
This business destroys your soul. As much as I love it and I know others do the cold hard truth is that at its essence the wrestling business slowly sucks all the good out of you and turns your heart and soul black. We all fight against it, we all want to be good people in that ring and have contests for sport and respect.
But as it wears you down you start to realise its own cause and effect is at play.
When I first went to Japan and stepped in a ring I was still smiling. I would step between the ropes and get yelled at, berated, punched in the face, thrown across the ring. I lost count how many times I did drills that would cause blood blisters and bruises on my legs and body. I lost count how many times I passed out from pain instead of tapping out.
And through all that I still kept my fucking smile.
I kept my plucky upbeat attitude.
Then as my career took off I smiled at the fans, clapped my hands like a dancing seal and got in the ring to face anyone and everyone. I started at the bottom and clawed my way up through match after match, always keeping to the code of honor and the way of the warrior. The crowd loved me, they cheered, they showed respect. It was a sport for real warriors. It was a place where heart mattered. It was a place where we all had a certain love and camaraderie, backstage after a match and I would shake the hands of my opponents and then one by one everyone else and this was repeated with all their matches.
We ate together.
We trained together.
We BLED together.
This is what I wanted and craved, the acceptance and respect. What I never had back home. What I never got in my relationships with my mother, father or ex. Then I found myself ready to return to America. Ready to be embraced by the American fans and the women there. But you know what I found when I came “home”?. I found a group of whiny, self indulgent, disrespectful, self entitled weaklings. I cut through them like a hot knife through butter. But was I celebrated for that?....
Was I held high for being a deadly buzzsaw?. No. No I wasn’t. Instead all anyone wanted to talk about was my love life. All anyone wanted to talk about was who Alicia Lukas was fucking. My heart sank and very slowly that smile that I had held for the last 6 years through beatings and broken bones and pain that rivaled child birth started to fade. And it was all because women’s wrestling is poisoned. Womens wrestling is looked at as secondary to the drama filled lives we all experience. I mean do any of you think I care who Samantha Tolson is tongue fucking this week?. Do any of you think I care about Kenzi Grey’s relationship when I’m actually IN that ring?.
Cause I don’t.
I never did.
I never cared about my relationship when I was in the ring. From dating Jacob Cass, to marrying Chris Cane and the train wreck triangle I went through, none of that mattered in the ring. But that’s what people focused on. My two title reigns that lasted over half a year each were pushed aside because people wanted the “hot gossip” about Travis fucking Blake and myself. You all make me sick. Through all the talk of respect and honor it made me realise one thing….
None of you actually know what it is to be a warrior….and to keep what you kill
To love the right,
Yet do so wrong.
To be the weak,
Yet born to be so strong.
Go rider, although your ride has been through lies.
Go rider, see your soul through the devil's eyes.
Scene One-You have to be strong enough to walk away.
Off Camera
Atlanta International Airport
8 Years Ago
She should have been happy. She should've been ready. But there she sat near the gate, a ticket and her passport in her hand. A carry on bag that had all she could bring with her sitting at her feet. Her breathing was laboured, her hands shook. The sun just started to rise as she checked the clock over and over. Her fears rising in her stomach as she looked around. What if Ronnie knew?. What if someone had seen her?. What if he figured it out?. All the scenarios played through her mind as the seconds and minutes ticked away slowly.
Every announcement, every time security walked past Alicia turned her head and stared. She wondered if people would think she was hiding something, if the TSA was about to randomly select her for some kind of search. What if Ronnie called ahead and is somehow going to stop her. She looked up as the message on the screen for her flight changed to “boarding”, she stood up clutching her bag making her way to the gate. As she stood in line she noticed a man looking at her. Dressed all in black.
Alicia breathed deep, and closed her eyes, she hoped and prayed when she opened them he’d be gone or not even looking at her. She prayed she was just being paranoid and he was just a random man. As her eyes opened he was gone, her chest pushed out the relieved breath. As she inched closer to the gate, the freedom she wanted she felt a hand on her arm. She froze, her heart skipping several beats as her chest hurt, she felt her body go stiff.
TSA Agent: Excuse me miss?
She turned and it was the man in black. His bald head reflecting the light above as he gave her a small smile. Alicia swallowed hard and gave him a nod as he held out his hand.
TSA Agent: You dropped this…
It was a picture of the boys. Her sons sitting on her lap. A small smile on her face as she had felt the cold sting on Ronnie’s fist earlier that day. She took the picture and smiled politely stepping back.
Alicia Lukas: Thank you
He moved away, unconcerned with who or what she was. Alicia’s heart beat slowed. Her eyes closed and she felt her body relax as she reached the entrance. Her hand trembled as she handed her boarding pass and passport over to be scanned. After a few moments the machine beeped, the attendant looked down and then around after noticing a bruise on Alicia’s arm. She waved her through before whispering to her
TSA Agent: Run….don’t look back dear…
Alicia gave a small nod. He had tried to stop her, he had called ahead. But for the grace of others kindness and understanding she had made it through and away…...and she wouldn’t look back.
Scene Two-We can play catch up
Off Camera
Tokyo Japan
Last Year
Alicia sat across the table, her hands moving along the table before picking up a sushi roll popping it into her mouth with a sigh, her eyes closing as she seems to enjoy it and savor it. She sits back in the chair with a smile and a small laugh.
Alicia Lukas: No matter how hard they try, they just can’t get it right in America…
She couldn’t help but laugh as her friend too follows. His long black hair tied back with a few blonde streaks throughout, a small goatee on the bottom of his chin. His eyes are kind and soft, he looked at Alicia with a certain level of affection. He remained silent for a moment as she chuckled again feeling some rice slide down her lip catching it fast. Toyama Itaru was an old friend and training partner. At one time he had designs on being her lover.
He tilted his head to the side moving a piece of sushi through his lips with a sigh, his deep brown eyes studying Alicia up and down before he swallowed and sat forward clicking his tongue.
Toyama Itaru: What’s up blondie, you didn’t just come here for the sushi. And you didn’t just call me for the old time talk…
His english was broken but still much better than most. Alicia’s facial expression changed as she cleared her throat dabbing her mouth lightly with a napkin crossing her legs over as she was taught when she was a young woman. Her southern etiquette coming out. She took a deep breath and looked away for a moment visibly taken aback by the situation.
Toyama Itaru: Last I heard you were doing quite well back in America. Champion in two companies, getting married to a man just as dominant as you. There was that silly little rumour about you and Kaden Kess-
Alicia Lukas: It wasn’t a rumor….
Alicia blurted out and words as a look of sadness, anger, pain and regret came over her face. She swallowed hard and sighed again as her hand moved across the table and down into her lap as she pulled and tore at a napkin. Toyama seemed speechless as he sat back too. A look of disappointment shooting at her.
Toyama Itaru: Well, this is awkward….
Alicia Lukas: I…..I need to know if I’m still who you remember...if I’m still a good person…
Toyama Itaru: Alicia, we didn’t really leave on the best of terms….you left and walked out on me
Alicia Lukas: That’s not exactly what happened. Didn’t you wonder why I never dated anyone when I was here?. Why for five years I was single? I wasn’t ready, but I was a good person….
She looked down taking a deep breath, her body still filled with guilt and hurt. Toyama looked around and slowly slide his hand across the table opening it palm facing up, Alicia took his hand and relaxed feeling his thumb glide over the top of her hand.
Toyama Itaru: Do you regret what you did?
Alicia Lukas: I regret it came to that, I regret I couldn’t just tell him my fears and my worries. It had to happen to bring us closer but...I regret how it happened…
Toyama Itaru: And he knows this yes?
Alicia slowly nods and takes a deep breathe. Toyama scoffs with a small smile coming on his face, one similar to the boyish one that Travis would shoot her and make her smile. He pulled his hand back with a small laugh that seemed to grow.
Toyama Itaru: You’re an idiot….
Alicia Lukas: Gee thanks Toya….
Toyama Itaru: You did all that to push him away, all that to try and sabotage it...and he stood there, took it all and then looked your foolish ass in the eye and said “I love you” and you still sit here now doubting…..you...are...an...idiot….
Alicia Lukas: Yeah...thanks...heard you the first time….
Alicia sighed and gave a small nod before taking a drink of warm sake. Toyama took his tea sipping it as an awkward silence fell on them. Alicia scowled and looked up as Toyama just smiled and laughed.
Toyama Itaru: When’s the wedding?. I need to know when to book my flights. And can I bring a date or...should I just ask Delaney?
Alicia couldn’t help but laugh with her old friend. The two talking more as Alicia’s smile returned.
Scene Three-It’s a cop out…
On Camera
Washington D.C
Present Day.
The annoying, loud, obnoxious sound of chewing is heard before we see anything as we seem to pan right to find Alicia Lukas, long blond hair tied back as she blows a large pink bubble between her ruby red lips, a black warpaint mark under her right eye.
“You know, I wasn’t aware that I was literally fighting two people. Maki and this..demon thing Daniella. See I had heard about it but never really put much stock into it until I watched both promos that Maki directed at me. See I held off watching the first one till I did mine simply for the fact that I had a hell of alot to get off my chest about this match and facing Maki. And I didn’t want to ]corrupt my thought process. Now very unsurprisingly the first one seemed to be full of such respect that I smiled. Cause through all my own ramblings the one underlying theme was that of respect for Maki and what she was accomplishing…”
“See not many people can burst onto the scene, lose as much as she has and still maintain a dominant presence. But somehow she’s done it. But she did sit there and sing my praises and remind you all of what kind of dangerous competitor I am and why I was seen as such a soup for LAW. See this company has been missing that one real spark. That one person that the entire world looks at and says “Damn, she’s tough”. I mean sure, Kenzi Grey is a great competitor and Gabby Camacho and Sam Tolson are a neat little side show, but when people want to watch a fight, a match of pure aggression and passion...they look to me…”
“Maki had it right, I step into a company and I become number one and while it took a long time in WWH and then Honor in LAW due to my own reputation and the willingness of Kenzi Grey to go one on one with me it took less time…”
“See I could have just climbed up the rankings here slow. I could have just faced frenchie, then Maki then maybe someone like Elizabeth Blackwell and then made my way closer and closer. Beating names who joined around the same time I did with all their own fanfare. But Kenzi Grey said over and over she wanted to face me someday and Lucas Dupree showed he has his finger on the pulse of pro wrestling and showed he isn’t in business to protect anyone.”
Alicia smirks and obnoxiously shews her bubble gum a little more with a laugh under her breath.
“He signed one of his top stars to go against me knowing either I’d sink or swim. And much to alot of peoples surprise I didn’t just swim, I Michael Phelpsed this shit. See Maki and I have both been underestimated. But while I have gone above and beyond a lot of people's expectations Maki has struggled. And it’s not because you’re a bad wrestler Maki because you’re not. It’s simply because you entered this company to do the same thing I’m doing and you’re just not good enough….”
“It’s not even that you can’t be, it’s not that you can’t work to that point, it’s that you were thrown in the deep end too soon and you just aren’t at the level I am to succeed. And the thing is that now it’s continued. Hell you said it yourself. You were a big fish in a small pond and as you slowly came out of that pond into the big wide world you saw that the big fish, is always going to be eaten by a bigger fish. The thing is, I ain’t a fish sweetheart. I’m a Lioness. A queen of the jungle. I’m on top of the pecking order and have been since I came back...and again this is something YOU admitted to…”
“Or did you?”
Alicia slowly smiled and spits the gum from her mouth effortlessly hitting it across the room into the small waste bin as she gets to her feet.
“See as soon as your hero worship respectful run was done I watched the next little tidbit. I sat there and listened as you pissed it all away with your arrogance and true colours. But I know, I know it was all Daniella right?. You know, you’re not the first person who has claimed split personalities and used it as an excuse. See it’s perfect, you can show the world this smiling happy side, this side that is the “real” you where you can be respectful and be liked. But then, you can “flip” a switch and talk major amounts of crap. You can look at me and say the exact opposite and then say “Oh, it wasn’t me...it was the other me”...right?...”
“I’ve seen so many people use the excuse and use the concept and all it is, is a way for you to escape blame. You can use it as a crutch to say what you want and then deny all responsibility. And that is the difference between people like you and people like me Maki. See I will stand there and say horrible things. I will look someone in the eye and straight up tell them that I think I’m better. I did it to frenchie, I did it to Kenzi and I’ll do it to you. And the thing is if you happen to prove me wrong I’ll be the first one to shake your damn hand….”
“Kenzi is still a little pissed at the comments I made about her, she’s still angry I looked at her and told her she isn’t a wrestler, she’s a multimedia star and until she becomes one of us she will always ALWAYS be second to me. And now here I am...saying something similar to you…”
Alicia laughs to herself and shakes her head.
“You want to call yourself a demoness, you want to blame the arrogant horrible crap you say on some intangible other worldly construct that spits black goo and should really be expecting a cease and desist letter from Linda Blair then you go right ahead Maki. But you need to realise something. I never blame others for the things I say or do, I own them. Maybe one day you’ll grow up and do the same. Maybe one day you’ll be on the same level as me because right now you are treading water. You are standing in front of me trying to play games and get in my head but it’s all stuff I have seen before and seen done way more convincingly….”
“The time is counting down Maki, very soon LAW 77 will be live at the Donald L. Tucker Center in Tallahassee Florida. And the match you have wanted for nearly a year will be about to happen. The match you wanted ever since you saw Samantha Tolson and I beat the shit out of each other. But while you spend your time trying to get in my head with the games you’ve tried to use over the last few months, I’ll be doing what I always do, training and getting ready. Cause while your rep is one of an average wrestler who likes to play mind games...mine is one of a destroyer. A wrestling machine who will beat you down and tap you out….so my advice Maki is this...cut the crap...get in the gym and get ready….cause at LAW 77 you are facing someone that you will not be prepared for….”